Post # 1
My Boyfriend or Best Friend is a computer programmer/graphic designer, and today his boss pretty much ripped his design apart, IN FRONT OF his other co-workers.
His boss works remotely from CO (we live in CA) so they all use a chat application to communicate all day.
His boss invited 2 of his co-workers into the chat, just to rip apart my Boyfriend or Best Friend in front of them. He was saying things like “Am I the only one who hates this design??” and the BF’s co-workers were silent. They didn’t say anything. You wanna know how the chat ended? My Boyfriend or Best Friend apologized, and the boss logged out of the chat room and didn’t talk to him the rest of the day. Like a f’cking 16-year-old girl on AOL. WTF.
My Boyfriend or Best Friend was in tears when he got home from work. He’s terrified of losing his job.
I feel so bad.. and I’m furious that his boss is so unprofessional like that.
I spent my time being supportive, and telling my Boyfriend or Best Friend just to dust himself off and try again, and try to learn from the experience, etc, etc, …BUT I really want him to go to HR and report his boss for doing something so awful.
Has anyone ever had a boss like this?? Any words of wisdom?
Post # 3
What an a**hole.
Yes, I’ve had bosses like that; most people I know have had bosses or superiors like that, people with inflated egos and no sense of decency, who take their bad moods out on other people. There was NO reason for him to say something so unprofessional and to say it in front of his co-workers. If he didn’t like the design, he could have just said so, in private.
I would go to HR. Did your Boyfriend or Best Friend save the chat?
Post # 4
@everyheart: I doubt he’ll go to HR 🙁 He’s so afraid of getting fired. I tried suggesting it, and he said “I don’t wanna talk about it anymore.” …So I don’t know what to do. But I’m pretty sure I just gave myself an ulcer over this. 🙁
Post # 5
@AquaGrey8962: I agree with your Boyfriend or Best Friend that this is not something to go to HR over. You are absolutely right that the boss was an unprofessional dick but he probably did not violate any policies. It would reflect more negatively on your Boyfriend or Best Friend than on the boss if he were to take this to HR. Plus it would only make things worse with the boss.
It sucks to have to work with assholes. His best bet is to keep doing his best and hopefully move to a different department or even company. There are books and websites with techniques on dealing with difficult people — maybe he could look into those in the meantime.
What a lucky guy to have your support! I’m sure a BJ would be well received too…
Post # 6
Yikes, that’s awful! I don’t really have any advice except to say that I’m sorry your Boyfriend or Best Friend had/has to deal with this asshole on a regular basis. is he normally like this?
Post # 7
This sounds weird. Your boyfriend may not have been the only one getting his butt chewed out. He may have just assumed this? Maybe he should look for another job. There’s no reason he needs to be working in fear of being fired.
Post # 8
I re-read this a couple of times, and it sounds like the boss was ripping into your bf and his co-workers as a team. Not that this justifies his boss’s rude ad unprofessional behavior, but it doesn’t sound like he wasn’t targeting your bf specifically or that the boss invited the other two in there just to make a mockery of your bf. If you bf and those two work as a team they probably got yelled at like a team.
Your bf still has a right to be upset, whether it was directed at him or not. I think your bf was right not to take it to HR though because I highly dought they would do anything. The boss didn’t make any personal attacks on an individual. He just said he hated the design.
Sorry your bf is going through this. Boss’s can be real dicks sometimes. I’ve had a few of these kind of people.
Post # 9
My Fiance had a boss like this a year ago, and honestly, him leaving that job was the best thing that ever happened for us. I doubt he will get fired over this, as I agree with megz06’s reasoning above…but I think it’s always good to have a plan B in general, to plan for the worst (or if nothing else, to plan for him leaving for the sake of his mental health).
Post # 10
My Fiance used to work as a graphic designer. He’s strictly IT now but does freelance design, so he’s had bad experiences with bosses and clients too. Is this something that’s out of character for his boss? Hopefully it will blow over, but if this is a regular thing, I hope he finds something different ASAP.
Post # 11
Ive had/have bosses like that. It sucks – but he just needs to let it go and grow some thicker skin.
I’ve had bosses say things to me (definitely NOT constructive criticism) and then come back in apologize… and even the other bosses will apologize for the other’s behavior. It sucks.
Post # 12
His boss is a dick. I’m sorry he has to work with someone like that.
Unfortunately, I really don’t think that going to HR is the answer in this situation. Chances are they will say something to the boss and make it into an even bigger deal.
The fact that the other coworkers didn’t say anything shows that they know that the boss was in the wrong and just being an asshole.
My boss at my previous job was like that…. she would call people out on the dumbest things and in the rudest way. She commented on someone’s Pandora bracelet and asked them if they have it because they can’t afford Tiffany. This was in a meeting. She would call people out on work things too, she would say that what they did was stupid and then try to get everyone to agree with her. She was super high up in the company (in HR!!) and so no one wanted to disagree with her. You just have to suck it up when it happens, then brush it off when you leave.
Post # 13
Sorry your Boyfriend or Best Friend has to deal with this, but I’ve found the most effective way to deal with this type of personality is to simply let them think they’re right. For instance, if the boss says he doesn’t like something, ask him what he wants/likes and then suddenly he’s doing half of your work for you. Or in @givemecouture:‘s situation with her boss, I’d see a perfect opportunity to cry poor and ask for a raise (especially since the boss is clearly able to afford tiffany’s and is doing well, she could definitely afford to give me a raise). Pretty soon, people just start leaving you alone.
Post # 14
Wow, what a total d bag.
I have had many horrible bosses, co workers etc. The best revenge is to act like it doesn’t bother you and be super happy. Honestly, some people out there get off on treating other people like shit. Seeing you miserable is their crack. At first it may get worse, but after a while they’re going to see they can’t rustle your jimmies with high school grade BS, and they’ll crawl back under their bridge, or at the very least direct it at someone they think they can get a rise out of.
Post # 15
@AquaGrey8962: what else did the boss say other than, “am I the only one who hates this design?”
My husband is a programmer (sort of–he’s a project manager now, but he still programs) for one of the major investment frims in NYC, and they are almost all guys and they are brutal with each other. Their bosses and the investment bankers are brutal, too. If they hate something, they tell each other. When he works from home some days, I’ve heard conference calls that are exactly as you describe, but its just par for the course there. They are working with billions of dollars of trades per day, so if there is something designed on the trading applications that people don’t like, they don’t mince words.
i’ve told him before I would cry in that atmosphere, but the weird thing with tha all-guys group is that they don’t hold grudges. They’ll all be rude, saying something is shit and has to be redone….and then they’ll all go out for drinks afterward.
So sometimes, guys just have their own way of communicating….maybe your Fiance will get used to it. I know that seems bad, but it genuinely doesnt seems to affect my husband. I’ve heard him say similar things to coworkers, too.
Post # 16
@megz06: They all are individual, no team work. My BFs design was just his design, he was the only one who worked on it. So his boss was asking the other 2 coworkers what they thought of my BF’s work, along with putting him down.
@BookGirrl: That’s all my Boyfriend or Best Friend would tell me. He kept shutting me out saying “I don’t wanna talk about it.” I’d understand if it were some high-powered-billion-dollar company. But it’s not. It’s a small, local company that sells a product. He’s pretty down on the totem poll of seniority, he was just hired less than a year ago, which is why he’s terrified of being fired.
@housebee: The biggest problem with this boss is that he is NEVER specific. Other coworkers have tried, in the past, to ask him specifically what he wants, and he never says anything.He’ll just say “change it” (“it” being the design). One time my Boyfriend or Best Friend went back-and-forth 12 times with a design because his boss just kept saying “No, it looks weird. Change it.” and wouldnt say specificaly WHAT he wanted.