(Closed) My BF’s Brother and My Former Friend are getting Engaged First…

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
899 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Well, I wouldn’t panic yet. She said she thinks, so that could just be wishful thinking on her part. No matter what, her relationship is always going to be a stepping stone for her, whereas what you have wasn’t dependent on being better than other couples you know, or faster.

Post # 4
Member
2308 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: January 2012

Breathe in and then out and just try to stay above it. You seem to be doing a good job so far not letting her get too much to you, and not getting tangled in the competitiveness of it all. Usually the best solution to dealing with ppl like her is to show her you’re not even in her silly game. So if it does happen congratulate her and go to mandated events and just try to be the level-headed SIL to both her and SO’s brother.

Hopefully in time she’ll grow up, but in the mean time concentrate on your own relationship and happiness, who gets engaged first is inconsequential in the grand scheme of things.

Goodluck!

Post # 5
Member
2750 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

If she does get engaged first, relax.  Because she is going first, you can make sure yoru wedding is better. 😉

Post # 6
Member
304 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

Could your Boyfriend or Best Friend do some undercover work and chat to his brother to see if he is, in fact going to propose over the holidays?

Maybe she has just misinterpreted something he has said?

I think you guys need to get engaged when it suits you and when it feels right for you, not to beat someone else to the punch. However I can totally understand how you feel and I can imagine I would probably feel the same way!!

Post # 7
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Ohh, I feel you. You are not crazy.

I think you should try not to worry too much and not give yourself stress like that though! And I agree with PPs!

Post # 9
Member
573 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I wouldnt let that bother me. Are you guys even friends still? Do you want to be? I would just be happy for your bfs brother finding someone he would put a ring on and leave it at that. All that stuff sounds immature and youd be the bigger person to realize this isnt a race even if she did. Hope it all works out!

Post # 10
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I dont think you should worry about “who got engaged first”. being engaged is a temporary status in a relationship as it is, and once you are married its not going to matter. There are bigger problems in the world. 

Post # 11
Member
1278 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

Ah that sucks! I think you should just not let her get to you. She can say whatever she is going to say, but you can just focus on YOUR life together and your plans and not worry about them.

Post # 12
Member
972 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

when I was waiting I had a friend exactly like her! I tried to rise above and focus on making my and FI’s relationship stronger. Guess what happened to my friend who was so concerned about “winning” and getting married first? First they postponed their wedding just hours before(last month). Second, they broke up last week. So, I would focus on being happy in your healthy relationship and enjoy the excitement and anticipation of knowing you’re about to be happily engaged!  

Post # 13
Member
1199 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

@GingerSnap28: I can relate to your situation from the other end.  My FH’s brother has been with his Girlfriend for longer than FH and I.  I don’t consider myself competitive, but early on in our relationship, the Girlfriend got drunk and told me that people were “betting” on who would get engaged first.  So I knew she was dying to get engaged first.  FH and I moved at our own pace and were ready. 

I have to say that FBIL’s Girlfriend acted like a total ass when we got engaged.  It was completely ridiculous and petty and hurtful to me.  I understand she was upset, but she handled herself so immaturely.

So all I can say is to prepare yourself if they get engaged first and even though it may hurt, please just congratulate her and be polite.  It sounds like you are already having a good attitude, and since these people will be your family it will go a long way.  As a PP said, it doesn’t matter in the end who got engaged or married first!

Post # 16
Member
3220 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Oh my gosh, you are a saint for putting up with that! I have friends like that and I’ve just had to slowly cut them out of my life… but to be permanently related to one? Sheesh! I’m glad you’ve kept your head and can be civil.

On the plus side, you are the happier one. People who compare and compete like that are never as happy as people who don’t.

The topic ‘My BF’s Brother and My Former Friend are getting Engaged First…’ is closed to new replies.

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