(Closed) My big fat dysfunctional wedding

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
688 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

Hi There,

I am from the carribean and my Fiance is polish/Irish. My family is anything but normal. I did not speak to my mom for 2 years and do not know who my father is. My Fiance has a very small family but very close. The Fiance mother insisted we have an engagment party which I dreaded. I made myself sick because I was embarrased of the crap  my crazy family would pull during the engagement party. We had a very small hickups but to be honest it went really really well. I was worried my loud family would be 2 much for his conservative family but to my suprise it all worked out. His family was very social and talked to everyone and my family behaved and the few weirds things that happend during the party was just not such a big deal. My family is so nuts that I had to do assigned seating because certain people dont talk  to each other. Of course the day of the party everything went wrong and the people I was worried about fighting actually were in there best behavior. I had asked my cousin recently how weird it was and she said we were there for you and was just happy to see you happy. here is my advise just relax and take a deep breath. I am sure your FI’s family would understand that your mom will not be there and trust me they will not judge. They are probably so thrill that you are making their son, bother happy that they are not even worried about who is coming or not.

Post # 4
Member
2086 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2012 - Pippin Hill Farm & Vineyards

Everyone has a black sheep or two in their family.  You just happen to have one as your mother.  I bet that “big fat Italian” family has a few…you just haven’t seen them yet.  ๐Ÿ™‚ 

In my experience, the black sheep tend to pull themselves together for things like weddings and the people who seem normal let their freak flags fly.  I bet your mom is just fine at the wedding. 

 

Not that this is the same, but I feel the need to make you laugh after reading your post.  So, here’s my crazy black sheep:

I have an aunt who is convined we’re all going to be ravaged by a pandemic and we all need a few months of emergency food and water on hand.  First it was SARS, then avian flu, then H1N1…every year, it’s something else.  She gave everyone else in the family 40 days of emergency food rations for Christmas.  My poor mother get scared by her doomsday talk and is thankful for her supply. 

This aunt sent me a backgammon set.  I guess she doesn’t care about my health, which is okay…I think I got the better gift. 

 

Post # 5
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

My situation is almost the same as yours. My mother is a bipolar alcoholic and let’s just say my dad is not a faithful husband. I wound up going to my bridal shower (thrown by my sister-in-law) alone because my mom got drunk (or “sick” we use the same cover-up you do). My younger brothers are semi-estranged from the family due to all the pain over the years and one of them did not even come to my wedding.

My husband’s family on the other hand is large, Irish, and happy. He was so confused and fascinated by the stories I told him about my family. He didn’t believe people actually lived that way. The first time he got a taste of it at a dinner my mom tried to have, he was stunned.

Of course my mother made trouble with my in-laws (it’s the bipolar talking) but they were kind of knocked over by it because they have NO experience with people like that. My husband’s siblings all married people from normal families so sometimes I feel bad… like my husband drew a bad card and now he has to deal with this crap.

It felt very awkward when I was planning the wedding because all the events were weirdly lopsided, including the wedding itself, but on the big day I didn’t care, I was just so wrapped up in how good it was to be married! Everybody pulled themselves together for the wedding, except for the brother who didn’t show and the other brother who skipped the reception.

Post # 6
Member
5763 posts
Bee Keeper

Even seemingly ‘normal’ families all have their moments, and we all just have to accept the quirks and move on. If you can find a way to let it all roll off your back and stop trying to make excuses for everything, you’ll be much better off. As much as people like to think they aren’t judgemental, everyone is to some degree. You’ll be missing out on so much if you allow this to cripple your enjoyment!

It will be fine. Just do the best you can and try not to worry so much. People seem to pull through when you least expect it.

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