- 9 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
This is the happiest time of my life and I’m overwhelmed. 🙁
My family is dysfunctional. There’s no other way to say it. My Mom is an alcoholic, who still lives at home by herself, supported emotionally by my sister and I and financially by my Dad, who had moved out and remarried but continues to support her so that it doesn’t fall on us. My Mom’s side of the family is estranged but live nearby and still talk to my Mom. They just don’t participate in anything.
My fiance has a big Italian family, tightly bonded in family values. Before me, my fiance has never seen a day of dysfunction in his life. He is very supportive of me and what I go through but he just doesn’t get it. So, in our planning, it sometimes goes full steam ahead, without remembering that I have have bigger issues to consider and I have to be the buzz kill and say, oh well that won’t work because……(example: we can’t put our parents names on the invitations because my Mom still uses my Dad’s last name and so does my new step-Mom, and my Mom isn’t really involved so it would just be weird).
My family doesn’t make productions, We’re casual and low key and his family is the total opposite. Everything is a production. It’s my big fat Italian wedding. Fortunately, my in laws have been very understanding at us making decisions that suit US for the actual wedding, like getting married outside instead of in a church.
Our engagement party is coming up, hosted by my fiance’s parents, and my Mom won’t be there and I have no idea how to comfortably explain why she’s not there (and just at home). We’ve always said she’s sick, when she missed things, because it’s the easiest explanation without having to say more and have it get awkward. I have no idea how she will behave at my wedding. She has good days and bad days. My fiance has the normal family that he doesn’t have to stress about. He gets upset that I have to deal with this stress, and it sucks that I feel like the trashy black sheep that is constantly bringing the excitement down by having to shove my reality on the table.
Does ANYONE else have to deal with this im-balance of sides??? I have to work over-time to figure out how my Mom will participate, make sure that my Dad and step-Mom are aware of the plan, feel embarassed when I say my one side of family isn’t coming for no good reason, and feel like I have to protect my family from getting eaten alive by the Italian wedding wolves. (They’re really very nice people, lol, it’s just clearly a dominating force)
Any other dysfunctional black sheeps out there??? How are you dealing???