(Closed) My BM isn’t going to my shower

posted 11 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
3282 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2009

Aww, that’s a bummer, but I am glad you’re getting support otherwise =) My bridesmaids are awesome people, but all long distance and I doubt there will even be a shower, which is no biggie really, but it is what it is!

Post # 4
2324 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2020

You would call in sick to work and risk your job for a shower of a friend? More power to you, but I would never consider doing that. I would try and switch shifts, etc. but I would never but my job in jeopardy for something like that. Especially in this job market. I wouldn’t call you vain, but I would say you’re being a little selfish. You said it yourself that she’s been helping a lot. 

Post # 5
636 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

2 out of four of my maids couldn’t make it to my shower.  One was travelling for work and one couldn’t get off work to travel down the day before.  Would it have been great if they could come? Yeah. But it was fine.  I understood they had other commitments. Don’t push the issue.  I’d do my best to make it to a shower but I don’t know if I’d necessarily call in sick either.

Post # 6
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2009

2 out of my 6 BM’s can’t come to my shower due to them living in other states.  i’m cool with it.  they have been a big help.  i don’t expect them to fly in for it at all. 

Post # 7
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

I agree with the others I wouldn’t get mad at her for not being able to come to a shower. My Bridesmaid or Best Man couldn’t come to my engagement party because she had a prior commitment. I was sad she couldn’t make it but understood.  I’m throwing her bridal shower next month and two bridesmaids can’t come. One has to attend her sister’s 40th birthday party and the other has another shower to co-host.  I think you should be thankful she has helped out with the wedding.  Maybe she doesn’t have any more sick days to use at work, or maybe things at work have changed and she doesn’t feel comfortable asking off any more.  Regardless it is just the bridal shower you’ll have other chances to celebrate your big day with her, example, bach party and rehearsal dinner and the day of the wedding.

Post # 8
125 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

Your BM’s work knows about her request for the day off … when she calls in sick ‘whenever’, they don’t know that she had wanted the day off. It’s different.

Life happens and it gets in the way of things. One of my BMs missed my shower, my ‘jack and jill’ (kinda like an engagement party) and my bachelorette. She’s a pediatrician, and she was on call for all those week-ends. She’s on call every other week-end, and there are only 2 people she can switch with. And she can’t call in sick.

Your Bridesmaid or Best Man had requested the day off, and she did everything she could to get it off by switching shifts. I’m sure she is upset she can’t attend.

Post # 10
440 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011


 Do you want an honest reply to your question of are you being vain? Because if not please discontinue reading.


You are being self centered. This person has apparently helped you do a lot for your wedding already. I know it may seem like she can take off just whenever but work situations vary. And if her boss has said no and she just calls in sick then that is really pushing work boundries. And you are asking a lot for her to take more time off for your shower. Since Christmas I have been in a wedding, have started planning my wedding and I am in my best friends wedding this fall. So I am coming from the bride and bridesmaid perspective. While it would be nice for her to be there, honestly I hardly even had a chance to speak to any of my bridesmaids at my shower because I was so busy speaking with other guest that I didn’t get to see as often. I say give the girl a break and focus on how much she has helped you already. 


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