(Closed) My BMs and I are disagreeing on the dresses… WWYD?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
  • poll: What should I do?

    Gently enforce my chosen colour and style of dress

    Gently enforce my chosen colour, let them choose style of dress

    Stay with black, and make them buy matching dresses

    Stay with black, and let them wear whatever they please

  • Post # 17
    1369 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    It’s your wedding and your vision, they should suck it up. They’ll only be wearing the dress for a few hours. Sorry your friends aren’t being more supportive.

    Post # 18
    1137 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Take some of their opinions, but let others go.

    When we picked dresses, I went to the store with just one of my BMs (two were out of state, and the other was always too busy). That Bridesmaid or Best Man and I tried on numerous dresses, determining what would look good on both body types.

    I didn’t give my girls a choice after that. Sure, that one Bridesmaid or Best Man had a good say it (except color), but I wanted to make sure it fit the various body styles we had. I had complaints, but I just ignored it.

    Your not going to make everyone happy, just do what you want for yourself, and take others into consideration. My one Bridesmaid or Best Man hated strapless, but I picked a strapless dress. I told her if she wanted to, she could have straps added to make her more comfortable. She didn’t, and she looked good in the stress.

    Go look at colors with your girls, and try things on. Maybe they just don’t know what actually looks good on them. If you have to, tell them you have been dreaming of something specific. Just nicely explain how this is your dream, and you would really like this. Remind them that on their day, if they pick you, you will wear what they want.

    It seems BMs that haven’t been married just don’t see the hardship on complaining. I noticed that with my best friend (one of my BMs) that is now planning her wedding. She was such a good sport for mine, but I’ve heard some things from her other BMs and I just worry about how she will feel. I’ve already told her she can put me in a trash bag and I’ll wear it proudly…

    Post # 19
    1271 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    Can I also say that the last time I was a bridesmaid, I hated the dress that the other two bridesmaids loved.  Hated it. 

    But, when it came in my size in the bride’s color (navy blue) I looked amazing in it.

    Post # 20
    1412 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    It’s your wedding. Part of being a good Bridesmaid or Best Man is being agreeable with regard to the dress. I think that as long as it’s within a reasonable price range (under 200), BMs should wear WHATEVER the bride wants. So what if it’s not your style or your first choice–as a bridesmaid, it is not YOUR day. If you aren’t okay with that, don’t agree to be a BM! /rant

    Post # 21
    1412 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: November 2011

    View original reply
    @MrsLulu: Wow, you look really stunning in that. Good choice!

    Post # 23
    4474 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: November 2012

    I find black a very considerate choice for bridesmaids.  Even a cheap bridesmaid dress can be around $100, and I’d hate to even spend that much on a dress I may never wear again.  


    Colorful accents can make black still look cheerful.  Blue shawls, tangerine and yellow bouquets, colorful shoes, etc.  

    Post # 24
    2649 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2016

    Enforce color, lenght, and fabric and ( insert detail or not/ like ruffles and flowers).
    That way you get the Match with out the match… if you know waht i mean.

    Post # 25
    9024 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: June 2011

    i didnt give my BMs a choice. i sent them the color and style I wanted them to wear, the only input I wanted from them was regarding the price range they were willing to spend. I think part of being a bridesmaid is accepting the brides choice of style and color as long as the price is within normal range.

    Post # 26
    579 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: August 2010

    Have the girls wear what you want! It is your day, your say, your way! Lol! Seriously, my wedding taught me that you will NOT please everyone. I too thought i would be a flexible bride allowing my BM’s to pick their own knee length style of dress in the same material as i felt everyone had different body types. I allowed them to select their own AA style and sure enough they become really picky and couldnt decide or still complained about their dress. Speaking from experience pick 1 dress or narrow down 4 dresses they can select from ! Whatever you do make sure you go with the colours you want as you have the vision! good luck! I sympathize with you!

    Post # 27
    2977 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: August 2011

    To heck with all the nitpicking from the peanut gallery. As long as it’s not outrageously expensive or doesn’t make someone feel like the most embarrassed, unattractive critter on the face of the earth, then they should suck it up and wear what you want them to wear. Your vision, your wedding, your rules (for the most part). I would try to be as diplomatic as possible, but honestly in the end, it’s the bride’s final say.

    Post # 28
    206 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    View original reply
    @mtnhoney: I chose out a couple of dresses from David’s Bridal and we are going down when I come home for Christmas.  So basically they can choose between 3 dresses of my liking.  If they all choose the same then great, if not, then that is fine also. 

    I’m gonna take a look at metrotown to see if any of the holiday dresses work as well, we might be able to save ourselves a trip down to the states 🙂

    Post # 30
    233 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    The more I read about bridesmaids the happier I am I don’t have any… haha   I always figured part of the deal of being a bridesmaid was wearing a dress you might not like!

    I’d tell your friends that you’ve been planning this a long time and that you’d prefer them to wear the colors and style of dress you picked out.  Ask them to humor you and do you the favor of playing along… it’s your big day!  Besides, black for a summer wedding is both dark and uncomfortable under the sun.   

    Post # 31
    30 posts
    • Wedding: July 2012

    youve gotten a lot of great recommendations here! it’s one story if the BMs are particular about a certain style not looking good, but it sounds like you just have some complainers here! it is YOUR wedding, and they need to be gently reminded of the main reason why they are a part of your special day. It isn’t to stand up there next to you looking cute (okay, yes it is!), but mainly to HELP you with your planning process. This means NO power trips! I cant STAND the Say Yes to the Dress Bridesmaid episodes where there are one or more opinionated girls! I think it’s fair to agree to styles they look good in. 

    If you opt for the same color dress, definitely make sure it’s the same designer and ordered at the same time, otherwise the colors will look “off” in case one lot of fabric is slightly differently tinted than the next. 

    I’m sorry you have to deal with it, and I hope in the end your BMs realize that the important thing is to make you happy.

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