(Closed) My boss is throwing me a shower at work — but none of my coworkers are invited

posted 3 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 16
Member
60 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: March 2016

We planned for an elopement (so no guests), but my supervisor got all the folks in my unit together for lunch at a restaurant for me. I was given gifts (all gift cards) by a few and the rest put in together for a larger gift card. We’ve done it for others who were getting married (in fact everyone in this unit that was getting married), brunches, lunches, etc. all with gifts, and no expectation that we would be invited. I think we view it more as a celebration of an important life event. 

Post # 17
Member
15 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

Sorry, to clarify on my boss gift, I believe she buys a gift herself on registries. My co-worker had a baby recently, and she just brought in a gift for him and had not asked anyone to chip in or sign a card.

Post # 18
Member
2318 posts
Buzzing bee

I do not think that you have to worry.  This is typical where I am from. People that are genuinely happy for you may want to get you a gift even if they are not invited to the wedding.  Since you are having a very small wedding people will understand not being invited but will still want to celebrate with you in some way.  Go to the store and buy some nice stationary to write thank you cards and be gracious.  All you have to do is have a good time.  

Post # 19
Member
1017 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Hahah I totally expected this post to be about how your boss is throwing you a shower but it’s only going to be you and your boss and none of your coworkers.

I think this is definitely the exception to the rule!  Your coworkers are I’m sure aware they aren’t invited and it helps you are having an intimate wedding.  You didn’t plan the shower yourself, it was your boss so I don’t think anyone is going to think this is rude or whatever.

I think it’s a nice gesture and your coworkers are probably excited for you, I wouldn’t say anything about it

Post # 20
Member
265 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

My work threw me a shower, and everyone threw in 5-10 bucks for a Home Depot card. If they want to appreciate you, that’s perfectly okay. People aren’t expecting to be included in your actual wedding celebrations. 

Post # 21
Member
6437 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2015

I also got a work ‘shower’ – really it was our usual monthly potluck with a present thrown in.  It was very sweet of them and like squirrelly1982:  everyone threw some cash onto a Lowe’s card.  Your coworkers know they aren’t coming to the wedding, don’t worry.  As others said, a coworker shower is the exception to the rule.

Post # 22
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

This is totally normal in my workplace. There is always a wedding shower where you buy the bride gifts, and like in your situation coworkers aren’t usually invited to the weddings. It’s all in good fun though, it’s nice to celebrate with your coworkers! Just enjoy it and let yourself be spoiled, whether it’s with attention or gifts…if people don’t want to buy you a gift, they won’t!

Post # 23
Member
4161 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

slomotion:  Lol I also thought that!

Post # 24
Member
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2019

MangoBreezy:  “I totally expected this post to be about how your boss is throwing you a shower but it’s only going to be you and your boss and none of your coworkers.”

Me too, that’s exactly what I was expecting!!

Post # 26
Member
1420 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

slomotion:  Giiiiirl, that comment made me laugh because that is exactly what I thought of hahaahahaha

Post # 27
Member
5978 posts
Bee Keeper

If I was your co-worker I’d be happy to go to this & I’d probably give you a small gift like a bottle of wine or gift card. You’re having a small wedding and aren’t able to include co-workers, so I wouldn’t be offended at all & I’d be fine with the restaurant event etc, sounds like fun. If you were having a larger wedding and invited some co-workers you felt close to, but not me, I’d attend with a small gift if it was on company property (ie the staff room at lunch or after work), but would probably give any outside/ after hours event a pass. 

Post # 28
Member
2543 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

rebeccasum:  I got thrown a shower at work and none of my coworkers were invited either, we just made a no coworkers across the board rule for our guest list. It was awkward, won’t lie, but what can you do? Just be gracious and say thanks. You don’t have to defend your choices.

Post # 29
Member
660 posts
Busy bee

2 of my coworkers organized a surprise get together for me. our 20 person office was invited and an envelope was passed around to collect for a gift. i’m friendly with the girls who threw it, and they knew my registry. it was incredibly generous of them to do. at the time i felt terrible because i only invited 2 male coworkers and their wives to the wedding, but not the organizers or anyone else from my office. i kept it hush, and actually no one knew about the 2 who were invited until a few days before when my boss publicly asked me if anyone from the office was coming to the wedding and i couldnt dodge the question any longer..

i made sure to thank everyone who came, and sent the office a note of thanks and i also wrote thank yous to the girls who organized it.

if your boss is throwing you a shower it’s because they appreciate you and wish you well, i wouldn’t feel guilty. enjoy it!

 

Post # 30
Member
1418 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

slomotion:  omg you seriously made me laugh out loud. exactly what I was thinking & it is hilarious to envision. youre funny. 🙂 

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