(Closed) My boss thinks she should be invited!

posted 4 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

Wow! She seems incredibly immature!  However, given that she is your boss you should probably be the one to take the step to try and preserve this working relationship by bringing up the topic in private to her and try to explain your situation (again lol).  

I find it unbelievable that people feel entitled to an invitation especially when you are having an intimate wedding.  The audacity!


Post # 5
2557 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Wow!  I cannot believe a grown lady in a management position would act like that!  I’m so sorry you have to deal with her outbursts, that really stinks! 🙁

Post # 6
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

OP, do you have an HR department? I’m pretty sure she’s not allowed to treat you that way – it might be something to bring up to HR if she doesn’t stop. She’s essentially harrassing you over something happening outside of work.

Are you inviting other co-workers?

Post # 8
2273 posts
Buzzing bee

@orchidaloha:  Have you tried talking to HR about it? Maybe you can put a spin on it like, “I can’t afford a bigger wedding and she’s making me feel really bad about our budget and what we can and can’t afford.”

ETA just saw that you are the HR department. What happens then? Are you at a branch and you can speak to someone in corporate?

Post # 10
922 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I totally hear you.  When I got engaged in October, my coworkers and their wives all interrogated me at the Christmas party about every detail.  I already knew then that none were invited, for the same reason, a very small wedding.  So I basically just answer their questions and shrug it off.  Over time, I’ve slowly started saying it’s a small wedding, hoping they’d get the hint.  I feel bad that they aren’t invited because I would have liked to.  But they also understand that it’s a small wedding, and not everyone in my office who gets married invites the office (there are only 15 of us).

I’m sorry your boss doesn’t understand.  You have every right to be frustrated.  Do you have a nice working relationship with her?  I agree with PP that if you love your job and want to stay for long term, then something needs to be done so you can keep that healthy relationship but also keep your sanity at your wedding.  She’s the exception to mature, classy, and professional.

Post # 12
721 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

@orchidaloha:  Oh wow, you *being* the HR makes it a little more awkward… and she’s obviously not good at her job if she thinks that’s appropriate workspace behaviour. *smh*

Who does she answer to? There must be someone above her. I would say first, if you’re comfortable, have a talk with her and firmly let her know that 1) she won’t be invited to your wedding and 2) you’d rather leave your private life outside of the office. If after that, it continues, move up the food chain. Depending on how serious this might get, you may want to start documenting some of this behaviour, in case you need it later.

(It might seem overboard, but I spent a few years working for a woman who was definitely more than a little unhinged. Because I didn’t have any notes/documentation of some of the discriminatory, racist, inappropriate, flat-out rude things she’d said to me, I basically had no case once I’d had enough.)

If there is even the slightest chance she’s going to make your life hell going forward (even after the wedding is said and done), start making your case now. She’s creating a hostile environment, and who knows where it will go from here.

Post # 13
7448 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

WTF …. That’s totally not cool and its extremly unprofessional and immature. 

Post # 14
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would just stop talking all things wedding from now on.  Just change the subject if your wedding comes up. 

Post # 15
1926 posts
Buzzing bee

Just tell her. “As the HR manager, you should know this sort of behaviour is inappropriate. My wedding is family only, very small, and we cannot have any more guests. I’m sorry that you feel upset.” 

Post # 16
9692 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

@orchidaloha:  Um, that’s more than a little weird. Why would someone who you are not even friends with threaten to crash your wedding? I’d be going to HR on this one. Some people don’t know how to manage others. Also, I believe in a separation from work and home life. If I was having a wedding (we’re eloping), I sure wouldn’t be including work folks. I spend enough time with them. No one should assume they are invited, and they sure shouldn’t be rude about it either…especially a boss. Hello, professional 😛

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