(Closed) My boyfriend thinks I’m not the one..

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@Resha Valentine: I would NOT leave your country. Not right now anyway. Did you you explain the situation to him about it being a fiancee visa? If he wants to be with you forever, but does not want to get married when he knows for you to even be here you guys have to, then something is wrong.  If he is firm on not getting married, then I would just stay in Asia. What country are you from by the way? Just curious. I know it will hurt, but imagine how much more it will hurt to come allllll the way here and then have him break your heart over marriage. I am sorry you are going through this, and if he can’t understand that you need marriage, my advice to you is to stay home and move on. I know it will hurt, but it will get better. Good luck!!! *hugs*

Post # 4
1902 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

It takes TWO people to marry. That is all.

Post # 5
1398 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

I think that what you had was a romance, or a love affair, but it is not something to build a lifetime commitment around. You are lucky that he is being honest with you, and letting you know where he stands. You have to trust that he knows his own heart. If he says he does not see himself married to you, then that is the truth and there isn’t anything you can say that is going to change his mind. My advice, for what it is worth, is to move on. You had a nice romance, and have some great memories, and now you can move on to find true love with someone else. You might want to look at someone closer to home, or better yet, in your hometown. Long distance relationships are truly difficult, and you really have to get to know someone on a day to day basis. No amount of talking on the phone or internet connection can make up for the intimacy of face to face contact.

Post # 6
91 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Catholic church followed by a botanical conservatory

Awww, I’m so sorry this sounds heartbreaking. If he has told you he doesn’t want to marry you, that means you should not travel to the US with a fiancee visa. He has basically told you he doesn’t want you to come for the reason why you will be given the visa.

Maybe if you are not coming he will realise that he can’t have you without committing to you. I’m sorry dear. 🙁

Post # 7
1686 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Oh god. Well, at least he told you before you got there.

I think you really need to tell him the things you told us about how you don’t want to go through the visa just to end up stuck in his country without him and then go home alone at the end. If he doesn’t want to marry you, that’s his decision, but he doesn’t have the right to string you along or ask you to put yourself in that situation. How much is this visa, that he still wants you to get, costing? I think if he still wants you to get it, but isn’t sure he wants to marry you, he needs to be the one paying for it.

Post # 8
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

Sorry to be harsh but his suggestion that you go to the US anyway to spend 3 months with him is ridiculous.


He gets what he wants, and you go home alone & as you said heartbroken.


Answer is very simple: don’t go and stop talking to him. I’m sure you’ll find a very nice man soon enough.

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