My boyfriend does not understand what the point of marriage is

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 166
Member
196 posts
Blushing bee

There’s nothing wrong with not wanting marriage. Also nothing with wanting it. 

Personally, I don’t think that marriage should be the goal. Getting married for the sake of getting married doesn’t seem right to me. 

But we’re married because of the emotional and psychological aspects of it. We wanted to publicly tell people that we are committed to each other. I wouldn’t have minded a long term partner either, but this felt right. 

Post # 167
Member
244 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2020

I typed a response and got an error so hopefully I don’t double post: I never thought I wanted marriage until I met FH. we moved in together after 3 months which was HELLA risky, but I wasn’t thinking of marriage either at that time. As things went along (we’ve been together 6 years) I started to realize that was something I really DID want- with HIM. I was also afraid to bring it up for fear of seeming “pushy” but got over that and brought it up around year 4. I made it clear that I needed that in my future, and he said he wasn’t ready. He wanted to accomplish some goals first- one being, buying a house so we were more stable before planning a wedding. I NEVER would have done that had we not had clear communication of our expectations and mutual goals. COMMUNICATION IS KEY. If you are too timid about what you want out of life and can’t communicate it to your partner- you’re in for some real trouble no matter how this shakes out. 

Post # 169
Member
8382 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

View original reply
dnm998 :  Why would he be willing to sign that “other paperwork” but not get married?

ETA: That’s not a rhetorical question. I really am curious and I think it would be very informational for you to ask him this directly. Why is he ok with one but not the other? What is the difference to him?

Post # 170
Member
40 posts
Newbee

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Daisy_Mae :  There are people who disagree with marriage for reasons such as believing that the Government has no business being involved in their personal lives, etc. Maybe he’s one of those people who don’t like what marriage stands for.

Post # 171
Member
8382 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

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nyrame :  But the “other paperwork” is also the government being involved in his personal life. So why is he ok with that government interference, but not a wedding?

Post # 172
Member
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I’d call his bluff and get that paperwork for him to sign

Post # 173
Member
3058 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
dnm998 :  yes of course there is paperwork available but is he actually getting that paperwork and filling it out??

Post # 174
Member
98 posts
Worker bee

View original reply
dnm998 :  What paperwork? Wills and insurance?

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