Post # 1
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
I feel like we have a pretty healthy relationship. We give each other space, and we told each other I love you. But when we met I would pay for everything bbecause he didn’t have a good job. Then he started taking me out. But he’s starting to get really controlling. And he has a better job now, but I still pay for everything. He’ll pay for stuff here and there but I feel like it’s mostly me. He has money to go out w his friends but doesn’t have money to go on nice dates with me. I just feel like I’m only important when I’m buying him things. He thinks I have an endless amount of money.
Post # 3
Member
8582 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
aliciabeee :
l don’t know why you posted this in the Intimacy thread – l’d hope just by accident, but anyway, l agree with pp, not a good prognosis for a relationship. Stingy, close fisted, user behaviour allied with a tendency to control… no girl, cut your losses.
Post # 4
Member
1294 posts
Bumble bee
If you’re here posting about it, you have a gut feeling that something is off. Trust your gut.
At best, he’s not that into you and won’t make you a priority. At worst, he’s controlling and intentionally allowing you to pay for him.
If you want to see how much worse he gets, stay in this relationship. He’s not going to improve.
Post # 5
Member
6845 posts
Busy Beekeeper
You know it’s not okay and does not bode well for a healthy future together. Next time you are discussing going out straight up tell him that you will not be paying and see what he says.
Post # 6
Member
4330 posts
Honey bee
He doesn’t pay for anything with you but he has money to go out with his friends because his friends are important to him whereas you are not. It’s as simple as that. Get some self-respect and get rid of the moocher. Dont ever be with someone you have to pay for all the time. That’s just asking to be used.
Post # 7
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
Bee, come on now. You know what to do already. aliciabeee :
Post # 8
Member
3592 posts
Sugar bee
I’m concerned about him being controlling. I’m surprised you mentioned that so offhand without getting into what you mean by that, because to me that is the biggest red flag here.
Not paying for anything is problematic as well, and it would definitely bother me if my partner was capable of contributing fairly to our relationship but chose not to, because that is a pretty clear indication of how much he values you (or, more accurately, does not value you). But in general I think it’s easier to get away from someone who is simply not generous than it is to get away from someone who is controlling.
The fact that you see him as controlling on top of him not being generous yet you continue to be in the relationship is concerning. It makes me think that he has already started to wear you down and make you question your own value and what you deserve. That isn’t good.
Please respect yourself and leave this relationship before it becomes even harder to.
Post # 9
Member
224 posts
Helper bee
Give him space to pay. Show him you expect it. Stop paying!
Post # 10
Member
2905 posts
Sugar bee
Health and controlling should never be in the same sentence.
Post # 11
Member
591 posts
Busy bee
My abusive ex was sorta like this – except that he was making a lot of money the whole time we dated and had no debt, just average bills, so had plenty of money. I was a full time college student and was living off my loans and working part time for some of the time. And I was a single mom, so quite poor. Yet he made me pay for so much, even got me to pay for his plane tickets once. Amd im basically just using my meager savings. It was just a small part of his bigger manipulations. Gave him a feeling of power and control I think to get me to pay for things even though I had barely any money and he had a ton of it. Sounds stupid now but he had me so brainwashed it was awful.
Post # 12
Member
812 posts
Busy bee
Why would you even start dating a man who didn’t have a good job in the first place? I suspect you need to start at the beginning. I wouldn’t ever have started dating a guy who didn’t have an established career or a job. If on the first few dates a guy wanted me to pay his way? Yeah I would have cut that off ASAP. I bet that from the start he didn’t pay for things. Why did you continue to go on dates with a guy that was obviously in no position to date and be a grown adult able to take you out? Start there. Because that was the red flag that you ignored.
Post # 13
Member
3592 posts
Sugar bee
mrsssb : are you serious?
There is nothing wrong with dating someone who is temporarily unemployed. What matters is whether they’re actively doing something about it.
My fiance was unemployed when we started dating, but he was actively looking for work and got a job about a month after we got together. He had been unemployed for about a month before that.
Post # 14
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
Girl, don’t date a scrub! There’s plenty of adulting men out there who work! No two bit moochers!
Post # 15
Member
4995 posts
Honey bee
sboom : he wasn’t unemployed, he had a job and she still had to pay for most things.
Member