My boyfriend doesnt pay for anything

posted 2 weeks ago in Relationships
Post # 16
213 posts
Helper bee

aliciabeee :  what sticks out to me is the hierarchy of his priorities. You’re obviously sitting on a lower rung than “going out with friends”. That treatment/priority order wouldn’t be okay with me if I was aiming towards building a life with him.  

Post # 17
812 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

sboom :  I am serious. When I was dating and met my now husband I was 33. I wasn’t looking to date a guy that didn’t have his life together, I didn’t want to take that risk. Sure if maybe he had his own apartment and savings and he was actively job hunting I might have continued to date him but I for sure wouldn’t have wasted a ton of time or effort if I didn’t see immediate results  in him getting a new job. 

i didn’t want to date anyone that wasn’t completely and totally mature and self sufficient and had their own life together. I wanted a man who was in a position to commit and get married and have kids soon. I’m sure I would have been more relaxed about it if I was in my mid 20’s. But that’s what worked for me and it helped me weed out a ton of unmotivated guys who were not a catch and who would have been a waste of both our times. 

Post # 18
708 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

aliciabeee :  how old are you two?  Because I’ll be honest, a dude who wants to spend all his time and money going out with friends and doesn’t prioritize his significant other in either time OR money sounds like an immature frat boy.  I’m going to guess he’s early 20s. 

Likewise, you yourself sound very young.  A grown woman who has experienced dating selfish, immature men usually have a better sense of self worth and a clear idea of what they will, and will not, tolerate from a man. 

That is not to say that being young and inexperienced with men (if indeed you are) is a bad thing.  Its just where you are in your life. 

So, if I am correct and you are quite young, take the advice of a group of women who know a thing or two.  Stop wasting your time with this looser who clearly doesn’t value you and the time he spends with you.  Tap into your inner goddess and find someone worthy of your time, energy and affection.

Post # 19
6314 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2016

aliciabeee :  DUMP HIM! He’s showing you who he is. Believe him and RUUUUUUUUUUUUN!


Post # 20
47 posts

Controlling? Yeah, thank you next that man as soon as you get the chance.

If you feel like you’re being used for dinner and gifts trust your gut. You said that he thinks you have an endless amount of money to spend on him. Tell him that you’re short on cash and won’t be able to pay for dates all the time, that you’ll need to split or not go out unless he can pay for a bit.  See if he sticks around. 

He doesn’t treat you like a priority, he treats you like an ATM. This person does not sound like boyfriend material, he sounds like a man child and if things are already taking a turn toward manipulative and controlling, it’s probably best to jump ship now.

Post # 21
715 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

He kind of sounds like a loser as far as boyfriends go

Post # 23
1267 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

aliciabeee :  I think one of the most attractive and favourable qualities in a person is generosity. 

Personally, I like people who are generous with their time, love, and kindness. In a relationship, I also expect someone to be generous with their support, financial and otherwise, within their means. This goes both ways. I expect to treat my partner to a special dinner and the occasional unexpected gift, and like it when that favour is returned. It’s not about the money so much as the act. 

I think your partner sounds selfish, based purely on what you have written. That would not sit well with me. Don’t even get me started on the ‘controlling’ bit, which is far more concerning. 

Think about whether this person is someone you could happily share a long life with. If not, move on. There are many other people out there who will share the same values as you.

Post # 24
601 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2021 - Dracut, Massachusetts

boy, byeeee

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