- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
hey bee, I read a few of the replies and then stopped reading, so this may be a repeat.
Break up with him.
If he tries to say “you just want to be treated like a princess,”
your response is: “yes. I do. Bye.”
this isn’t about being mercenary. It’s not about equality or whatever.
It’s about wishing to be valued and wooed.
Hes thoughtless and he’s using you.
Know this: men work at things when they value them.
You deserve this.
One day you’ll have a partnership in which you get to make an agreement. If you like being taken out, you get to express that.
“Hey can we have a date night every few weeks, where you take me out?” Is a reasonable request.
You can treat him, too. You can make dinner together, you can take him out once in a while, etc.
but you need what you need, and that’s no one’s business to argue with.
I had the same need. I had a boyfriend who would yell at me when I finally requested he take me on a date once a month.
This same boyfriend would stay at my place to save on heating and water bills, would eat all my groceries for the month, sleep with me and leave.
He was the one with the good income- I was struggling at the time. So this was in no way “equality”.
This same boyfriend argued with me when I finally realized what I wanted mattered. He said the thing about princess. I already told you what I responded. It felt so good. Everything in me rose up and cheered when I said that. My self esteem rose. It is SO worth it, bee, to speak what you need and stand up for yourself.
Right after I kicked this user out of my life, I got together with a man who treats me, well, like a princess.
This doesn’t mean I am a user or whatever. In fact, things are equitable with us. I just FEEL so valued and respected, my tank is full, so I can be very generous with him.
In the first year, I was recovering from having had a boyfriend who wouldn’t even get another plate when I went for meals with him, so I would have to eat off his or his daughter’s plates,
so yeah, in the first year, my now-fiancé spoiled me a bit. I was healing and learning that men could be kind and generous. After that, things leveled out a bit, and we share an account we both pay into, a “date fund.” We pay according to what we earn, so I do pay less than he does at present. It won’t always be that way.
partnership can look like this.
You cannot pour from an empty cup.
Yes, we need to nurture and provide for ourselves. We can’t be making our partner be a father figure. That, you’ve got to figure out for yourself. Start caring for yourself first. Take yourself on a date sometimes. Use the money you would have used carting his sorry ass around, and take yourself out to lunch or to a museum and get a nice tea or whatever makes you feel very happy.
Then, when you meet someone, if you decide to stick with him, you’ll know you’ve chosen a man who treats you well.
People we stay with only get to treat us as well as we treat ourselves. If you’ve been accepting shabby, stingy treatment, it hasn’t yet gone over the limit of how you treat yourself.
I’m not saying that very well- but I hope you can parse through it.
Treat yourself as if you are your most valued partner, your best date ever.
And see what unfolds.
Dont worry, it is absolutely possible to find what you’re longing for. I had the same question as you, back when I was in a relationship with a stingy user. He used “women’s lib” as an excuse.
Telling you what I wish someone had told me:
Don’t settle for this! ❤️