- 7 years ago
- Wedding: May 2014
I would be offering some sex and then tell him you were just joking!
I would be offering some sex and then tell him you were just joking!
I bet that part of the reason you’re having trouble leaving is that you’ve already invested four years in this guy. You wouldn’t have done that if you didn’t believe he could be The One.
But please take all of our advice to heart. We don’t know either of you personally, so we aren’t emotionally attached to you or him. We have nothing to gain or lose from whatever course you choose. We are as objective of opinions as you’ll probably get.
Here is my advice. He has shown time and time again that he doesn’t care for you like you deserve. It’s not about the fake proposal. (I had a friend whose husband did that once, but that’s just how they are…they’ve been happily married for over two years.) It’s about the fact that he openly ridicules your wants and needs to his friends.
Think about it like this. Yes, you’ve spent four years with him. But four years from now, if nothing has changed, would you still be ok being with him? Would you spend another four years being treated like this? I’d bet the answer is no. Walk away. When he realizes you’re not going to be his doormat anymore, he may make a little effort to keep you. Ignore him. He has already proven that he’ll only do what he has to in order to keep you, but it’s not sincere. It’s not real. Do not waste another minute with this guy, because you should be available for your real future husband. If nothing else, you’ll have a lot more fun dating men who treat you well–not like you don’t matter.
Good luck, we’re always here on the Bee if you need to talk some more. You’re not alone. 🙂
after 4 years together and he thinks that’s a funny way to respond to his friends about your proposal? my fiancee just told me that that’s very disrespectful to you and that’s coming from a man, I’m sorry but he sounds like a total jerk, you shouldn’t be wasting your time.
Hi @maria4444: I see this is your Debut post here on WBee… so first and foremost, a BIG Welcome to “the Hive”
Your BF sounds immature, and a bit of a wise ass… HE MAY THINK he’s being funny… but in reality he is disrespecting you
BOTH to you, and to others
Sounds to me like you gave him the parameters of what you needed before you went to live with him (a Commitment / an Engagement / and a Promise of Marriage)
He hasn’t delivered… and he thinks it is pretty “funny” he’s conned you
I’d leave his sorry ass now and NEVER look back.
Even if he comes running after you ring in hand…
Soooo sorry, too late
He’s had months to make this right… and as you have pointed out HE HAS CHOSE NOT TO.
This is not the kind of man you want to be married to (someone who takes you for granted… forget the ring for a moment, he should have been nicer to you all along… like for your Birthday and such)
This is a imature guy who is thinking he has the world by the tail… and you in his bed. As if he’s somehow outsmarted “the system” (which he seems so proud to tell everyone)
And let him explain to all his friends that YOU WOKE UP ONE MORNING, SMELLED THE COFFEE, AND MOVED OUT.
He may be smart at getting gals to fall for him… but he’s going to have a lot harder time keeping them and being in a long term healthy successful relationship
THAT IS WHAT MATTERS
Players don’t have that … cause they don’t deserve it.
There is a guy out there who will treat you like a Princess, which is what you truly deserve … you can’t meet him as long as you are chained to this waste of time.
(( HUGS ))
Prime example of why you can’t back someone into a corner to propose! He asked what you needed…you said let’s get engaged…he said Ok. It wasn’t his idea…that should have been your first clue. I know you realize that now, so you can’t put all the blame on him…
If you’re that upset and REALLY need that commitment, and he’s not respecting that, then move on. He made the whole situation worse by trying to play the cool, uncaring guy to his friends..men do that and it’s so frustrating. Y’all need to sit down and have a serious talk…maybe he does want to marry you SOMEDAY, but isn’t ready right now. You can either accept that and wait or end it.
I had an ex that had me so convinced of things that we both wanted. He didn’t buy me gifts for my birthday either, unless I gave him money to do it. He never would even call me on my birthday when we didn’t live together. Little did I know he had a few other girls he was doing the same thing to on the side. Not that your SO is cheating, but if he can’t be bothered to buy you a birthday gift when he is trying to woo you, imagine how bad he’ll be when you would be married. I stayed with mine for almost 8 years. I lost friends over him. A few weeks before I found out the truth, I actually found myself getting excited about the prospect of meeting a man that didn’t fill every moment with defeat, frustration and hurt. And you know, I didn’t end it then, but a few weeks later, as I drove away from his apartment for the last time, I cried from relief. Relief that I didn’t have the stress of him anymore. I was blessed with finding my fiance shortly afterward. He gives me gifts not just on birthdays, but on every holiday, and even just because. We don’t cause each other any stress and are always honest with each other.
My point isn’t to talk about myself, but so that you know you’re not alone in this situation, and that the right man is out there for you. This man obviously isn’t the right one for you, because he doesn’t put your feelings/needs above his own, and I think any successful relationship the partners put the other before themselves. I believed my ex was the right man…until I learned the truth and moved on. When I met my fiance, it hit me that I had spent so many years giving my love, time, energy and money on someone that didn’t deserve and appreciate it. By wasting your gifts on your SO, you’re denying someone else the happiness they’re looking for.
Maybe that’s a weird way to look at it, but I look at what I have now, and wish I had left my ex sooner so that I could have more time with him.
Seriously, this guy can fuck right off. Please, do not marry him.
Wow girl. Yes, 4 years is quite a long time but in my opinion and many others, please don’t marry him. He obviously doesn’t take you seriously. If you’re unhappy now, I don’t think anything would change when you are married. I understand that you must have shared many things with him during the years you have been together but if you realise that he doesn’t make you feel special etc. then I don’t think this guy is for you… And jokingly proposing to keep you at the time..? That’s ridiculous…
If he wanted you to up and leave your job and home for him, then it was perfectly reasonable for you to expect a commitment from him first. That he is acting like this is some big joke now is reprehensible. You deserve better than this jerk, dump him and find someone who won’t take you for granted. Maybe he won’t find the whole thing so hilarious then.
Usually I REALLY hate it when everyone jumps on a thread going “he’s a douche leave him!” Because I’ve been through to many of these “leave him!” moments and had it actually work out for the better in the end.
But seriously. LEAVE HIM! HE’S A DOUCHE! Anyone who is THAT unbelievably disrespectful does not deserve your time. You will find so much better out there.
I am so sorry!
I don’t normally jump on the “leave his A$$” wagon right way either, but in this case I am.
You are are worth so much more then this “boy” is giving. Just Leave and don’t look back.
You may have invested 4 years in him, but there’s no sense wasting the future.
@maria4444: I am so sorry. I wish I could say something that would make you feel better about this. Truth is this guy isn’t mature enough for a serious relationship.
Leave him, he is toying with your emotions. What a jerk, pretend to propose. You deserve someone who want to be with you and not some great pretender.
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