(Closed) My boyfriend hesitate to commit – a long distance relationship

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 2
Member
4227 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

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weddingring:  That’s heavy! 

You need to have a real talk with him about exactly what you two are, and how you are going to work. Best of luck!

Post # 3
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Wait, you’ve never seen him face to face since you were 16, 8 years ago?

If you are in a western country I would say: he’s not your boyfriend and you’re not his girlfriend. There’s a good chance he’s just playing with you.

If you’re in a non-western country it might be different. But I still wouldn’t call it a relationship if you haven’t met for 8 years.

Post # 4
Member
160 posts
Blushing bee

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weddingring:  I don’t want to be rude, but this isn’t a relationship. If he has absolutely no interest in ever meeting you, he’s just not interested in you, not as a girlfriend and not even as a friend. His excuse that he’s busy is bullshit. Be straightforward, ask him if he wants to meet somewhere to get ti know each other. If he says he doesn’t, you got your answer. Cut him out of your life, move on and meet someone in real life, there are plenty of amazing guys out there who will WANT to spend time with you and get to know you.

Post # 5
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

Unless there’s something major I’m missing, it doesn’t sound like he’s very invested at all in this semi-relationship. I wouldn’t move on the strength of an Internet semi-boyfriend whom you’ve only met once and who doesn’t seem to have any interest in meeting in-person again. You deserve someone who WANTS to see you!

Post # 6
Member
1761 posts
Buzzing bee

I don’t know how to put this nicely, umm… THIS IS INSANE! You are NOT in a real relationship! How are you ever going to have children with this man? 8 years!! Girl ๐Ÿ™ please pull yourself together and find a real flesh & blood boyfriend. You can’t hug a computer. This man doesn’t care about you, you are his entertainment and his crutch- chatting with you helps him get through long days and boredom. If he ever really cared about you he would have made time to visit you IN REAL LIFE sometime over the past 8 years(!!) You said it yourself “lack of interest”– so you need to ge off the computer and start having a real life of your own.

Post # 7
Member
916 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

I think you need to take a step back here.  While he may refer to you as his girlfriend, you need to establish an actual face to face relationship.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve had friends online I considered myself close to but I never dated any of them.  If he isn’t even expressing an interest in a face to face visit, that’s a big red flag.

Post # 8
Member
4813 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

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weddingring:   What you describe is not a relationship.    For all you know he has a real live girlfriend, or wife, or family.   I’d suspect a catfish.   

Post # 12
Member
7638 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

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weddingring:  “I made his family, my friends on social media (which when he came to know found AWKWARD and taunt me why did you add them and blah blah)

I’m sorry to say this is a “red flag”. If you’re his friend – his girlfriend even – why doesn’t he want his friends and family knowing about you? Social media isn’t everything, but when a guy objects to you being linked on social media, it’s because he wants to hide you. And most of the time, the reason a guy wants to hide a woman, is because he is with another woman.

And wait, here is another red flag. You say he is always “with friends or travelling everywhere except to my city“. He CAN travel to your city, he just chooses not to! Sorry but that is NOT what a man in love does! If a man is in love with a woman, he does whatever he can to see you. 

This is harsh to have to say, but this man does not care about you. Please, dump him and find someone you deserve.

Post # 14
Member
1859 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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weddingring:  no things probably won’t be different. You’ve had 8 years to visit each other and you haven’t. It sounds likes its time to move on. If he doesn’t want you to add his family to Facebook and he chooses not to visit you I’d think this isn’t much of a relationship. 

as for ‘leaving’ it shouldnt be too hard, tell him you want a real life boyfriend and you are moving on. Sorry to be harsh but something tells me this isn’t going to bother him.

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