Post # 1
Ok so my boyfriend has been acting super strange in the last few weeks and need some help figuring out what is going on.
One Minute he is super affectionate (way more than normal), has to be touching me, kissing me, telling me he loves me constantly, ect. The next he is wigging out saying things about wanting to be sure but he doesnt say about what. He did say one night though he has only done this one other time in his life and he wants to sure he makes the right decison and that he has been scewed over. Although the next day he said he doesnt know why he was saying that and to forget about it. He has been engaged once before and she cheated on him and that is the only thing I can think of that he would be talking about. He also keeps talking about trust and how he isnt sure he can trust me and stuff like that, which he has no reason not to. Its starting to make me feel bad and I havent even done anything wrong. I try talking to him about what the problem is when he starts freaking out but its like he doesnt even listen to what I’m saying, hes just completely illogical and sometimes it seems like he wants to break up with me but then 10 minutes late its back to telling me he loves me.
We also have tickets to go to a concert next month out of town where we met (same place/ same band). He isnt one to express his excitement for stuff and he told me after we got them that we need to make it special since we met there. He’s brought it up now a few times and its like he is almost giddy when talking about it. So not like him.
Anyone else experiance anything like this? I so confused by his actions and actually told him last night he is nuts and to snap out of whatever is going on.
Post # 3
How long have you been together and how old are you both?
Post # 4
@mandypop: We have been together about 2 years and 3 months now. I’m 27 he is 41.
Post # 5
I think he is really seriously considering proposing. But at the same time, I also think he is considering running.
Just support and reassure him and you’ll have a ring in no time (and probably at the concert!)
Post # 6
Hmmm – to be honest, without knowing his age, based on what you described I’d have pegged him for a 19 year old. Not being able to talk about issues in your relationship without “freaking” or “wigging” out – is quite immature behavior.
Instead of just telling him he has no reason not to trust you, have you asked him to give you specific reasons WHY he doesn’t?
Post # 7
It seems like he could be thinking about proposing, but that’s only based on the information you provided which may be skewed (not out of malice, but because you’re just one party in the relationship). I would be really concerned if my guy suddenly started telling me periodically that he can’t trust me, I don’t care how loving he suddenly got afterwards.
This my comment is totally driven by my style of “arguing” (a point, not yelling), but I would keep track of how often he’s saying the negative stuff that is directly targeted at your character and integrity and talk about it with him sometime when he’s fairly calm. Lay it out that you suspect he’s dealing with some kind of stress right now, you don’t know what it is, but that you’d like to be there for him as much as possible instead of dealing with these hot and cold moments that, at least the cold, are pretty insulting to you.
If he is freaking out about making the commitment to you, then maybe this will calm his nerves since a) a you’re not trying to get him to let the cat out of the bag, and b) you’re emphasizing that you’ll be there for him even in the stressful times.
Or, you can wait until next month and then hope whatever he decides is “special” for that evening can outweigh the weeks of telling you that he can’t trust you. If he doesn’t pop the question that night, will you be too disappointed to have a calm conversation about the hot and cold weirdness?
Post # 8
It seems like the fact he has been hurt before is weighing heavily on his mind. Perhaps you need to reassure him that you are not his ex and that you love him and will never leave.
I hope it isnt too far away for you!