- 6 years ago
- Wedding: October 2013
I am new to the board, signed up today so I could try to get some opinions and also I guess to vent a little bit.
I am 25, my boyfriend 27… we will have been dating 3 years in October, known each other 3 years this month… lived together for nearly a year and a half. I was married at 18 and divorced at 19. A decision that I regret, but cannot change and probably wouldn’t change because I learned so much from it and it made me who I am today.
I have a few reasons for really wanting to get married sooner rather than later, one being that he is in the military and if he gets orders I wont be able to go. The other being that I have endometriosis and a family history of problems getting pregnant so I don’t want to wait too long to get pregnant. I have no insurance (and he obviously does) so I don’t want to get pregnant before we get married. But more than anything, I’d at least like a ring to prove that he is serious about it and with that I wouldn’t mind waiting another year-year and a half to get married if he wanted to. Although that is not preferable for me.
I want a wedding, but I’ve already told him that if he wants to go the courthouse I am willing to do that. And we can maybe/maybe not have a wedding later.
Now on to him. His parents got divorced after 25 years. Most of his friends and family have gotten divorced. He is an Air Traffic Controller and they have a ridiculously high divorce rate because of the stress and unusual work schedules that they have. This being said, he claims that he wants to get married, but he is SCARED. Scared I will leave him. But I can’t and won’t wait forever and I told him that.
We got into a fight about it last night and he basically told me that he does not see the point in getting married. We already live together and act pretty much like a married couple. For me, there are religious and family issues as well to add to my reasons for wanting to get married.
His family and friends seem to be firm believers in long engagements and think nothing of living together and having kids for long periods of time without getting married. So he thinks that that is normal.
“Why buy the milk when you can milk the cow for free?” That’s what I’m hearing. He is comfortable where he is. He’s already getting what he wants, so why leap out of that comfort zone and get married?
As of today I plan to move into our spare bedroom to prove my point because he is one of those that thinks after we sleep on it we can just act like it never happened and move on. Not this time.
Oh, and one more thing. When arguing about it last night he kept making excuses. Like first it was “I’m saving for a ring.” Then he said he was planning on buying the ring this month because there is a sale, and just holding on to it for a little while. Then he said that if I were to get pregnant or he got orders/deployed he would marry me and I told him I’d say NO because he should want to marry me without having that kind of pressure causing it.
I just don’t know what to do anymore. Help please.