My boyfriend jokes about my weight

posted 6 months ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
310 posts
Helper bee

When I am 5’6 (my height) and 125… I look like I don’t eat and I am rail thin. People seriously worry about me at that weight. So no. You are not fat. AND… he is a tool joking or not. Time to same good bye!

Post # 3
Member
1417 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - City, State

It sounds like your boyfriend has his own insecurities and is being a megaprick because of it.  I would have a VERY serious conversation with him and tell him that  ALL talk about what you eat or what you weigh is OVER.  No more ever, fuck his “jokes.”  He doesn’t get to keep hurting you.  Shit no.  I’m angry for you, lol.

In like, month one of dating my fiance, he accidentally made a comment about how he preferred really slender girls and I automatically assumed he meant “skinnier than me.”  It affected me really heavily (I’m not even overweight), and I ended up sobbing to him about it later and he felt TERRIBLE.  From that point on he always makes a point to tell me when he thinks I look great, that he thinks I’m super attractive, etc, and he’s super sweet.  But you need to tell him exactly how it makes you feel and that it’s not a gd joke to women.

Post # 4
Member
876 posts
Busy bee

You are on the low end of “normal” weight for your height so of course you are not fat.

 

Your boyfriend however is an ass. It sounds like you’re on the younger side still being in school. I wouldn’t put up with a guy like that but that’s just me.

Post # 5
Member
1532 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Wait, you had an eating disorder and he thinks its okay to make jokes about your weight as if that’s not triggering??   Sorry, don’t care how sweet you seem to think he is but he is toxic to you.   As a matter of fact, based on your post, I’m pretty certain his intent is to keep your self esteem low so that you go nowhere…..it doesn’t matter that he can possibly trigger a relapse.   This is how supremely insecure guys behave…..they isolate you and kill your self esteem all the while sucking you in by being the sweetest guy eva!

Bee understand, even serial killers do nice things but ……serial killer.

Run from this dude.  There’s plenty of guys out there who will treat you 10 times better and be sincere about it.   Your health, no your life is at stake here bee.

Post # 6
Member
285 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2018

This sounds exactly like a situation that came up between my sister and her boyfriend and she is like model gorgeous. It used to absolutely break my heart to see her feeling fat and not feeling beautiful because of her boyfriend’s words. I know he loves her and they have grown from there but she used to be devastated when they would get ready for a party only to go and have him tell the hostess how great she looked when he hadn’t told her yet. In their situation I think it was just his social attitude and how he interacted with others as a default and she had to really clearly communicate with him how and why it was bothering her before he understood and stopped. I don’t think your boyfriend is trying to hurt your feelings, but maybe he is just unaware of how badly he is hurting them. 

Post # 7
Member
871 posts
Busy bee

Oh HAYLLLLLLLL NAW. 

Bee, you had an eating disorder. Having a SO who makes jabs about your weight is horrendous for anyone, but it is almost dangerous for you with your history.

If your self esteem continues to plummet, I fear you may return to the mindset you were in when you were struggling with your eating disorder and I am not a doctor or therapist, but it worries me reading your post. Please seek out therapy or find support so you can continue living a physically and emotionally healthy life

You need people who will lift u up and support you, not make you question your self worth and trigger your past

Please don’t accept his atrocious behavior

Post # 8
Member
5202 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

sarahpaige :  being with someone like that is not good given your past eating disorder. He will make it easy for you to slip back into old habits, your self esteem is already tanking.

Tell him to cut the shit. No amount of thank you’s or things he buys will make up for him adding to your self esteem issues.

He either stops the “jokes” or you move on 

Post # 9
Member
5202 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

Your boyfriend is gross. Sorry/not sorry.

Post # 10
Member
361 posts
Helper bee

Absolutely not.  No never.  This is so not ok.  You had an eating disorder.  Your SO cannot make jokes about your weight, even if they are not meant maliciously.  (I’m not sure he isn’t doing this to control you.)

I would tell him that all jokes about your weight are off limits.  He cannot talk to you that way, particularly given your history.  If he cannot stop, it is time to set him free.  

Post # 11
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper

This is not ok. Why are you with someone who makes you feel like shit?

Post # 12
Member
2926 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2017

I have a terrible body image (and now that I’m 3 weeks post partum it’s even worse) and I’ve never had a guy comment negatively about my weight.  He’d be gone.

You are not fat at all.  You’re not even overweight.  His “jokes” are coming from his own place of insecurity.  Next time he comments, I would respond “why would you feel the need to say that? Does it make you feel good to put me down?” and see how he reacts.  If he says he’s just joking and you’re be sensitive, that would be enough for me to show him the door.  He should be aware that his comments could very well trigger an eating disorder, even in someone that never previoiusly had one.

As Sansa said, he’s gross.

Post # 13
Member
632 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: London, UK

Even if you WERE fat or overweight (you are not) making comments about it that play on your insecurities would be absolutely unacceptable. You deserve a lot better than this, especially given the fact that you’ve had an eating disorder and should be with a person that supports your ongoing recovery. He sounds horrible. 

Post # 14
Member
1891 posts
Buzzing bee

sarahpaige :  He tells you other women are pretty in front of you, and he likes other girl’s photos on social media. His insecurity isnt’ just his own problem at this point, his insecurity is TOXIC to you specifically. He is saying mean things to you to make himself feel better. That is what is going on here. It is just going to escalate over time. 

YOu know what the test of a good relationship is? Does it make you feel good about yourself? If your partner isn’t making you feel great about yourself, and cherished, and loved, it isn’t a right relationship for you. Do not stick around to let him tear you down more. 

If you really do want to stay in it, he needs to stop making those comments and never say them ever again. AND he needs to not come up with new negative comments that are differnt later on. 

He makes a rude commment to you- ” That comment you just made was hurtful and innapropriate, I don’t want to hear anything like that from you ever again. Got it?” He asks why, or says you are overreacting you say- ” I don’t care what you think about the comment you made, i don’t like it, i don’t care if you think it was a joke, it stops now. You keep making mean comments to me even in joking this relationship isn’t going to continue.”

You have to be willing to stand up for yourself and state your standards to him. Any guy that actually loved you and cared for you would immeidately be remorseful, apologize profusely, Thank you for telling him so that he could not say it anymore. That is a normal reaction to telling someone you are uncomfortable with something they are doing. 

A not normal response would be if he insists he was joking, says you are being sensitive, tells you he isn’t going to stop joking around, tells you to get over it, or gets angry. That is not normal. That shows he doesn’t care about your feelings. And why on earth would you want to be with someone who didn’t care about your feelings? This is a good test. Try it, see how he does and if he fails dump his ass. 

Post # 15
Member
745 posts
Busy bee

Of course you’re not fat at that height and weight. Your boyfriend definitely sounds like he has insecurities of his own. Is he afraid other guys find you attractive, and this is his way of making you feel unworthy of anyone but him? He sounds like a guy I dated. The relationship ended when I realized I was being emotionally abused and controlled. This guy is not worthy of you, Bee. Dump him. 

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