- 1 year ago
I remember once Joan Rivers said when calista Fockhart ate an altoid you could see it from the outside. Because she was so thin. So maybe you misunderstood him.
You are in no way near being overweight. I honestly think you need to see a therapist, NOT in a negative way. For yourself, you over came an eating disorder. THAT’S HUGE!! YOU ARE STRONG.
I think seeing a therapist will help keep your strength going. Why stay with someone who is causing you to doubt yourself and your relationship. Talk with a therapist so that you have an outlet for your questions. Do not let this boy hinder your strength.
I AM FAT (I’m 5’10” and wear size 18 jeans) and the only thing my fiancé has to say is that he loves my big butt. And ya know what he says when I lose lots of weight? He likes my toned butt. And what he says when I put weight back on? He likes my big bouncy butt again. My point is, he loves me and finds me attractive at all different shapes and sizes because he loves me, whatever form I come in. Does he want me healthy? Of course. But we have waves of life where our bodies look different. He appreciates me at whatever wave I’m in, and I feel the same about him. Although we’ve been together for just under 12 years so we’ve had plenty of time to see each other fluctuate, but he has always accepted and loved my body. I don’t think I could deal with mean “jokes” about my body.
Bee, if you want this behavior to stop, you need to have a serious conversation with your SO about it. It’s absolutely unacceptable for your partner to make you feel bad about yourself. It is not normal or OK to make jokes about your partners appearance.
Ask him to sit & talk with you when you’re not in the moment of one of his jokes. Tell him you laugh because you feel like you should but that it actually hurts you later on. Put an end to it. No one should talk about your body the way he does, EVEN MORE SO because you have a history of disordered eating! Don’t beat around the bush, or jokingly or sweetly say “Oh stop!”, literally tell him to stop making hurtful jokes or you’re out. You cannot live the rest of your life hearing him say shitty things about you and nice things about other people.
Years ago I had a boyfriend, who would say things like “are you really going to eat that” and similar statements. His favorite adjective for me was “hefty”. I weighed 86lbs, looked like a walking skeleton, can’t look back at pictures of me from that time because it’s too painful, and yet I STILL beleived him when he told me these things. You tell yourself things like “he didn’t mean it”, or “but he treats me like a princess” but believe me, the best thing I have ever done was walking away from that relationship. He can be a perfectly wonderful human in all other aspects, but the things he is saying to you, and the havoc they are (and will continue to) wreck on your life, your health, your self-worth are not worth ANY relationship like this.
His comments are not okay at all. At best, he sounds immature and inconsiderate. Why are you putting up with his bullshit? I promise you can do better.
Are you seeing a therapist for your issues with insecurity?
I would never say this if I really didn’t mean it but you should leave him. My fiance would NEVER make a comment about my weight joking or not. That is just unacceptable in my opinion. You deserve a man that constantly tells you you’re gorgeous and never makes you feel insecure. The fact that you battled an eating disorder before and he still makes comments is just awful. You deserve better.
I assume he is aware of your history with an eating disorder? And still continues this?
You are not even overweight, let alone fat. If you feel you have to give him one more chance then sit him down and explain to him, again, how this makes you feel. And then leave him when he does it again. Or just leave him now. This is not what love looks like.
“he’ll say jokes like if I’m eating a cookie that he can see the cookie going to my stomach then tickle me”
Umm, that hand would be slapped back so fast it would make his head spin. His “jokes” are a form of control to keep your self esteem low so you’ll feel that this a**hole is the best you can do, and it seems to be working. His buying you things and treating you nicely is along the same lines. It keeps you miserable but dependant on him. You are worth so much more than this, Bee. Get out.
Joking or not, saying things like that to you is not OK.
If we give him the benefit of the doubt and assume that he doesn’t realise that these “jokes” are hurtful to you, then what you need to do is be upfront with him about the fact that these jokes are hurtful, especially given your struggles with disordered eating.
Perhaps he thinks that these comments don’t bother you, or that because you are so clearly *not* fat, that you think they are funny too. You need to be very clear with him that they’re not, and that between the jokes and the comments he makes about other women while rarely if ever complimenting you on your appearance, it makes you feel really shitty and unattractive.
If he cares at all about your self esteem, he’ll see the light and adjust his behaviour. If you see no change in how he speaks to and about you after havin that come to Jesus talk then you have your answer – he’s a dick and it is intentional.
I would have no patience for guys like that.
Go tell him he’s a pathetic little man and tickle him. Then break up with him lol