My boyfriend jokes about my weight

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 31
6347 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

You’re obviously not fat, but that’s besides the point.  He seems to be projecting his insecurities on you and diminishing you is his way of making him feel better about himself.  If he does this knowing you suffered from an eating disorder is even worse.

A relationship where one puts the other down is never a good You have to expect better from the people you trust and love.

Post # 32
505 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

You are not fat. He shouldn’t talk to you that way. You should get a new boyfriend.

Post # 33
2723 posts
Sugar bee

Does he know about your eating disorder? 5″6 and 125lb is RAIL thin. The type of thin where dumb, insensitive people think that calling them ‘fat’ is hilarious because it’s so completely untrue. 

Either way he’s being an insensitive prick and you should tell him so, but it would be a lot less malicious if he didn’t know that you have body image issues. 

Post # 34
11339 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
sarahpaige :  

This is emotional abuse, Bee.  There is no way to pretty it up and make believe his motives are anything other than to hurt you and take you down a peg. As your sense of self worth goes down, his feelings of power and control go up. 

Anyone over the age of ten has learned that you don’t make snarky remarks about women’s weights without consequences. A person with a scintilla of sense does not bring up issues around another person’s body weight.

More importantly, you have told your bf that he is hurting you, but he continues the behavior. Does he know you have an ED? Sorry, Bee, but there is no such thing as ‘I had an eating disorder’. You have an eating disorder. Just as an alcoholic never never becomes a “former alcoholic”. You are at very high risk for relapse.

EDs can kill you.

Your bf is poison for you.

He will not change. This is who he is. You can stop trying to get him to understand how you feel, he knows. He’s keeping you off balance to ensure you won’t think about leaving him.

Bees may note that in weight related posts, I have started trying to take my cues from OA. They do not allow discussions that include numbers, ie weights, heights, calories, carbs, etc. Those words can be very triggering for some people.


Post # 35
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

What I get from your OP is that your boyfriend buys you things and you both have low self esteem, and he treats you like crap. There’s absolutely no reason to stay with someone like that and you’re not at all fat. 

Post # 36
284 posts
Helper bee

Bee… no. Just chiming in with the others. I also had an eating disorder and I’m still dealing with the after effects, as I’m sure you likely are.

Do not keep this boy and his disgusting “sense of humor” around.

Post # 37
1546 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

My SO will squish my tummy for fun, and when I say, “Gahhh, no, my fat!!”, we both crack up laughing. I definitely am not thin like you, and I know my SO is aware I’d like to lose weight, but he sees me for who I am and finds me beautiful for every curve of my body, brain, and heart/soul. He tells me and shows me that daily, in many ways. Find a guy like my SO. Your boyfriend is not cutting it. 

Post # 38
3004 posts
Sugar bee

Clearly, at 5’6″ and 125lb, you are certainly far from fat.

Yet this boyfriend of yours calls you fat even though he knows that you have had an eating disorder. He also makes positive remarks about other women but not you.

This is no joke. He knows these things hurt you and he does it anyway. It’s basically emotional abuse. 

And remember that his joke is only a joke if you find it funny.

Why is he doing it? Well who cares. At best, he’s a mean-spirited creature who needs to make you feel worse about yourself in order to him feel better about himself. At worst, he is a manipulative abuser.

Chuck him.



Post # 39
2455 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I think you need to take ownership of your own feelings & not blame your boyfriend for the way you feel.  Counseling would be a great idea.

Post # 40
959 posts
Busy bee

Yikes, whooaaa…there’s some pretty drastic conclusions being jumped to, here. Before we start calling OP’s bf a psycho abuser: 1) Does he know you had an eating disorder? 2) Have you told him how those jokes make you feel?…or that you struggle with insecurity and would really appreciate it if he complimented you more? I wouldn’t necessarily assume that he should know better, especially if you’re laughing along with his jokes. If anything, he may have the impression that you *enjoy* those jokes (dh and I will joke like that, although neither of us are insecure about that kind of thing). 

Also, I was a bit confused about the “I’ll say wait do you truly think I’m fat? And he’ll say yes of course but I can’t tell if the joke comes from a serious place,”  bit. Did you mean he says “Of course I don’t think you’re fat”? Otherwise I don’t understand how there could be any question that his jokes come from a serious place.  Would you mind clarifying whether that was a typo? If not, and he straight up told you to your face that he thinks your fat, then there’s no argument here that he’s toxic waste, because you’re clearly not fat so any comment that you are is undoubtedly coming from a bad place…but my first impression (and presumption that you made a typo) is that he may just be a bit insensitive and likes making dumb jokes, but not that he’s evil. 

Post # 41
1953 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I dated a guy in college who did this to me. We were together for about 5 years. I’m 5’7” and was about 123 at the time. Turned out he did that sort of crap because he was insecure about me leaving him. Sucks for him that I finally got my confidence back after he needlessly tore it down and ditched his ass. Best decision I ever made. 

Post # 42
1307 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: City, State

jokes only veil the truths. he is an absolute asshole. he is not “just joking”, he is actually a bully who really believes this crap in his own delusioned mind. get out of this mess.

Post # 43
2002 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2016 - Sussex, UK

Another post and ghost? So many of these lately.

Post # 44
158 posts
Blushing bee

RUN and don’t look back. He is not good for you.

Post # 45
860 posts
Busy bee

That’s evil. You shouldn’t be self conscious about how you look whether you’re 90 lbs or 900. I am your height and 140 on a good day and I would consider myself “skinny”. That’s just not right. I don’t usually side with the extreme “leave him! Dump him!” Comments, but he is not a supportive and loving partner. He doesn’t value you enough, bee. Value yourself and move on from him. 

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