My boyfriend jokes about my weight

posted 3 months ago in Relationships
Post # 46
Member
300 posts
Helper bee

Nope! I had an ex-boyfriend who would make comments like that, “tease” me about my weight and body and would never, ever compliment me.  I am 5 feet tall and was about 100 pounds at the time.  And I believed him!  I later found out that the reason he did that was to keep my self esteem low and manipulate me into believing that I was lucky to be with him despite my physical appearance.  You are right – it is a projection and manifestation of his own insecurities.  It has nothing to do with you.  It is toxic and unhealthy.

If you think this is behavior you can change, call him out when he says unkind things.  When he is directly confronted about what he is doing, he might be less likely to repeat it.  However, in my experience, this a red flag and a sign of deeper problems that are rooted in how he interacts in a relationship.  That isn’t going away and is not going to change as a result of you asking him to say nice things to you.     

I am significantly heavier now and my husband tells me every single day that I am beautiful and he loves me and my body no matter what.  Kind, handsome, supportive men exist.  You deserve better.

Post # 47
Member
745 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 1983

Some “Men’s Rights Activists” actually teach this technique to keep a woman’s self-esteem low (put her down, praise other women) so she will be too scared to leave. Horrible thing to do to someone you allegedly love.

You need a short, hard, honest conversation with him, and, if he gaslights you and/or doesn’t knock off both the “jokes” (which are hostile, not funny) and the saying to other women the positive things he won’t say to you, leave him. Period.

You can’t spend your life with someone who’s actively working to lower your self-esteem (that is, make you unhappy), much less risk a relapse into your former eating disorder.

Post # 48
Member
2880 posts
Sugar bee

jannigirl :  jannigirl : 

So why would a man call his thin girlfriend with a past eating disorder fat? (That’s a very dangerous thing to do.) And why would a man compliment other women abour their appearance but not his girlfriend. (That’s a very mean thing to do and guaranteed to damage self esteem.).

Surely if he was a good man he would be loving and encouraging, and do everything in his power to ensure that his girlfriend never had any insecurity about her appearance again.

I think he knows exactly what he is doing. These remarks are not one-offs but repeated, even after the OP’s obvious distress.

It may be that the OP would benefit from counselling but we need to be very clear about the BF’s unacceptable gibes being just that – unacceptable. 

Post # 49
Member
2433 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

sarahpaige :  I would pick out something about/on *him* , subtly insult it, then pretend I’m just joking.  I would do it over and over again too. Let him see how it feels for awhile. Sometimes there’s nothing like an *example* to set someone straight 😉

Post # 50
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

How does he treat you otherwise? 

 

You claim self-esteem issues and if they are bad enough think its possible you may be distorting the meaning/tone of his words that he means as a joke. Tell him how it makes you feel and remind/tell him about your eating disorder and if it EVER happens again, dump his ass.

 

Post # 51
Member
563 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2007 - City, State

Oh cool, another brand new poster with a ridiculous story.

Post # 52
Member
1247 posts
Bumble bee

sarahpaige :  fuck him. Imagine how cruel he’s going to be when you get pregnant? Or struggle losing the baby weight? Find someone who loves your soul and appreciates your body in all shapes and sizes. Teasing is a form of bullying. Do you want to marry and stead the rest of your life with a bully?

Post # 53
Member
336 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - City, State

Run. Just run. 

Knowing how good things can be with a man who is good to me and considerate, i wish I could go back and tell young me to dump any guy immediately who makes fun of my weight. 

 

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