My boyfriend never offers to pay

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
5034 posts
Bee Keeper

janerodriguez :  Oh my life. Why are you with him? He sounds cheap, nasty and actually kind of abusive. You really can do so much better. Please leave him before it gets any worse.

Post # 63
Member
523 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I wouldn’t chase a friend or an aquaintance for the cost of a sandwich, let alone someone who I was in a relationship with.  Your BF has a horrible ‘what’s mine is mine’ attitude to money and that isn’t going to change, imagine trying to pay for a wedding or raise a family or pay for medical bills etc with this guy!

 

It’s not right to constantly expent ‘the man to pay’ but I think it’s more than fair to expect them to offer when they earn significantly more and it should be perfectly normal in a relationship for either party to pay and for it never to be an issue.

Post # 64
Member
621 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

Dump him

Post # 65
Member
368 posts
Helper bee

The whole “put the money you owe me on the table” thing is just so off putting. What the hell? Sounds like a bad mafia money.What if you didn’t? Was he going to off you?

He sounds just petty and not worth your time. You should send him a bill for wasting your time. Who chases someone over six dollars?! 

Post # 66
Member
492 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

My husband paid on our first date, and he paid for the second and third date I brought B1G1F coupons (he thought that was cute) to kind of “pay” for my half of the meals.  When we would go out for movies I’d pay for the movies and he’d pay for the concessions (I usually got there first ha).  He never asked me to pay for food.  But with us by the time I moved in 4 months after meeting each we were already starting to merge finances and soon after we had a joint account.

Nowadays we have a chart of accounts system and “buckets” for everything including food (if it’s bought at a supermarket it’s off of there) and we have each our own play bucket and we each get the same amount monthly and if we eat out it’s split out of play (we just split the total, we never look at who bought what).

It works for us.  I actually hated that the man had to pay on the first date but he was the first date I ever went on and wanted to do it the right way and I was supposed to let him pay or he would think I was weird lol (talking about it later he totally paid on first dates we never really discussed further dates in the past).

Post # 67
Member
602 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Umm…I wouldn’t even ask a co-worker or acquantance I was out to lunch with to pay me back $6 for a subway sandwich, let alone a SO. And the grocery thing is weird. I hope you make sure to pack up your leftovers when you leave. Cheap guys are the worst–I’d be out.

Post # 68
Member
1184 posts
Bumble bee

Not cool. Explains why he was single when you met him. 

Post # 69
Member
405 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

If someone told me to lay my money on the table after buying a $6 sandwich, I’d be out the door. It’s not even the idea behind it, because yeah I agree people should take turns paying for things, but it’s his attitude about it. That’s so uncomfortable to be out somewhere and have to deal with that.

Omg I just read the part about him saying it’s a shitty job to be your boyfriend. BYE.

Post # 70
Member
6626 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

Peachytalk :  “Not cool. Explains why he was single when you met him. ” — Are you suggesting she should date guys who are NOT single? I don’t understand what you mean here.

Post # 71
Member
831 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I say this as a 40 year old who had a similar dynamic with my shitty boyfriend in my 20’s – DO NOT WASTE YOUR 20’S ON THIS TURD!

Post # 72
Member
5148 posts
Bee Keeper

janerodriguez :  RUDE.  He can offer to pay sometimes!  My now husband paid for me all the time even though I insisted I could pay for half of whatever we ate or pay for my portion.  That’s what a gentleman does.  Whether it’s required or not.

Post # 73
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

janerodriguez :  Wow, the comments that he’s made to you are worse than the money situation. And the fact that you are remembering those things and sharing them with us shows me that they really hurt you (rightfully so). It’s one thing to not argue well, but it’s another to say things that really hurt someone, then say “Well I’m just being honest”. 

I’m not going to lie, my FI and I sometimes get pretty ugly when we argue, but we never say things like that to each other and anytime we’ve said something that we shouldn’t (very rarely), we make sure to sincerely apologize. Has he ever apologized for the comment about how being your boyfriend was a shitty job? I’d tell him he was FIRED and that the job was now vacant. 

Regarding the money situation, I would be unhappy with that as well. When FI and I first met, he always paid. I didn’t expect it, but he’s a gentleman and that’s what a man typically does. Now don’t get me wrong, I offered to pay several times, and on occasion he would let me as I insisted. He would have never thought to tell me what I owe him for a meal. 

And any time I spent time at his house, the meals we ate came out of his pocket (and vice versa when he stayed at my house), other than him calling me on my way saying “can you pick up some cheese on your way?” etc. Do you guys spend time at your house, too? If so, does he pay for the food that he eats there? That just sounds like too much hassle. 

Like I said, the comments he’s made alone would make me question the relationship, but I’m sure the money issue is kinda the icing on the cake for you. Fire his ass from that “shitty job” and find someone that would be glad to fill the position. 

Post # 74
Member
1250 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

Also, I find it weird that when going to Subway, he doesn’t just have you pay for your own, instead of acting like he’s going to pay, then asking for reimbursement? It’s like he wants others to see him paying for you so he doens’t look like a douche, then expects you to pay him back? Is that how it always is?

Post # 75
Member
1096 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Posts like this always make me have to ask, just how hot is this guy that you’re still not gone? Can I see a pic because I’m so curious?

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