My boyfriend never offers to pay

posted 5 months ago in Relationships
Post # 76
14025 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I refuse to beleive this post is real….

Post # 77
797 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

So I am all for the idea that women should contribute financially to a relationship but this just seems petty.  $6?  Really?  Particularly when you’re a student who doesn’t make as much money as he does.  I would have a really frank conversation with him that while you absolutely want to contribute financially to the situation, this is a little petty.  He also seems really mean so I would probably dump his ass. 

Post # 78
23 posts

I hope you have dumped his sorry ass in the meantime, my friend. Life is too short to spend it with this loser.

Post # 79
474 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

RED FLAG!!!! Dump him you deserve someone who will pay for you, maybe not every time. Especially at 27 he should be a lot better with money.

Post # 80
176 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I would have dumped his sorry ass too. In my culture, we don’t ever go dutch. It’s a sign of complete unfamiliarity with the person you’re eating with. What we do instead is to take turns paying for meals. It’s not an exact science either (ie. you try to make sure you pay around the same within reason not steakhouse one day fast food the next), but we don’t sweat the small change. After all, there’s so many things in a relationship to sweat. If you’re going to be counting quarters – it’s not a relationship, it’s a roommate situation.

Post # 81
171 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: May 2006

pinkcorsage :  Gentlemen are hard to come by these days, it seems. So glad I snatched mine up and married him before he could get away.

Post # 82
6624 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2050

lollipoppins :  No they’re not. It’s the same ratio of nice guys to jackasses as ever. Nobody needs to “snatch up and marry” anyone out of fear that only jackasses are left.

Post # 83
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

janerodriguez :  Look, I once went on a first date with a guy who took us to Pizza Hut (because he had coupons) and then to the Ballet that his sister’s kids were in (because the tickets were free). This didn’t fly with me (I’m an adult, you don’t take an adult person to Pizza Hut on your first date – a nicer pizza place, sure, even just don’t tell your date you have coupons and that the tickets are free), and this wouldn’t either.

I wouldn’t call that gold-digger behavior,  would call that having a little bit of class and understanding that a woman doesn’t get dressed up for the ballet for pizza hut pasta on the side (plus pasta generally makes me sick, which I told him before the date).


Post # 84
1099 posts
Bumble bee

seriously, bee? seriously? Dump his ass…. there is nothing you’ve said about him that makes me think that this is *just* a money thing…. he sounds stingy and tightly wound as a person! You (and all women) deserve so much better.

When I was a student ( and I spend a loooooong time in school)…. I was poor, and dated several guys casually who often paid for dinner or drinks or a movie or whatever. Not one of them had ever asked me to contribute financially. I would often make dinner at my place before the date, or if they bought the movie, I’d get the popcorn, etc…. so even though the larger portion of the date was paid for by the person with the money (him) there was certainly a contribution by me. I never had anybody say that I needed go pay for half my ticket…. so this ‘boyfriend’ of yours sounds very stingy.

Not that this is any of my business, but I am betting he’s not so generous in the bedroom either.

Dump him and move on.

Post # 85
2412 posts
Buzzing bee

Hey! So Im going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say “maybe he does not see that there is a problem, or maybe he has had a really bad experience with a gold digger in the past and now is over protective.” I agree, that if you bring it up in a convo it will cause an argument and a few things will be said that you will not like.  I bet you are starting to get some serious feeling for him and that is why you are still with him. Everyone has some faults.  So my advice is to give him a test.

Remember in A Bronx tale when he checked to see if Jane unlocked the door for him?  Well, if you haven’t watched A Bronx Tale I highly reccomend seeing it.  But I suggest that ove the next 3 weeks start casually offering to pay for a few things.  Just say “put your money away today, this is my treat”  Dont make a big deal of it, just slowly start to do it.  A dinner here, a train ride there, buy the first round of drinks, surprise him with lunch, etc.  

The point is, we teach people how we want to be treated by how we treat them.  If he does not start to notice after 3 weeks, he is just selfish and self-centered.  It will NEVER get better and it is not up to you to teach this man how to be 50/50 and generous in a relationship.  Also, if he does not say thank you or is appreciative, that is another red flag.  Or, if he makes mental notes and only does exactly what you do, he is still keeping a tab and that is a red flag.  Best case he will start to reciprocate without being prompted.  He will start treating you too because it feels good to him and he is comfortable taking care of you in that way.  

Post # 89
280 posts
Helper bee

janerodriguez :  Please don’t settle for this guy because you are afraid to be alone. You are so young and have plenty of time to meet someone who will treat you 100x better and when you meet that person you are going to wonder why you wasted any time on this loser.

Post # 90
1100 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

janerodriguez :  Was not a serious request to see pics. My comment was facetious because I, like a lot of PPs, cannot fathom why you think this dude is so great. Don’t know anything about you but based on what you’ve said here about this dude, I’d take that bet that you can do better. 

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