(Closed) My boyfriend wakes me up every night, and I cannot get him to stop.

posted 4 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
10473 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2016

I wouldn’t want to be with someone who tries to do anything sexual to me while I’m sleeping. That is sexual assault.

Really the only way to get him to stop would be for him to respect you, which he clearly doesn’t. I would be rethinking the relationship. At the very least, I wouldn’t let him get into bed with me if he can’t be respectful. He can sleep on the couch every time he wakes you up, maybe when it’s an inconvenience to him he will care.

Post # 3
Member
3772 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

What? Is his sleep medication rendering him incapable of being quiet? I don’t understand why a grown man would be making such inappropriate noise. 

Post # 4
Member
4846 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Is he aware he’s doing this? Some sleep medications cause amnesia… Like ambien and sublinox. Some like mirapex can cause impulsive behaviours. If he is aware and won’t knock it off I would lock the door and let him sleep in another room until he figures it out. If he touches you again after you’ve told him no I would be seriously reconsidering if this is a good relationship.

Post # 5
Member
5155 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2010

View original reply
annamarie92 :  Okay, aside from your line about the common cold (which made me laugh) the rest of your post left me feeling both sad and angry for you.

I thought by title this might be about him waking up earlier than you & his alarm or his getting ready disturbing you. That is an annoyance (and I say that as person who gets up early in morning). But this is terrible.

There is absolutely no reason you should have ever had to ask your boyfriend to be respectful of you – and your body – more than once (and uh, frankly, once is pushing it and unecessary in my experience).

Honestly, not only is his behaviour disrespectful to your feelings and bodily autonomy, it is, quite frankly, sexual assault (hand down your pants when you have told him NO to that while you are sleeping) and creepy. I would not stay with a man who was like this, sorry bee. He does not respect you, or your autonomy.

We are incredibly vulnerable during sleep – I would not want to be with someone who did not respect that OR my feelings. How hard is it to not come in swearing, making creepy porn noises, or sticking a hand down your pants. Apparently for him VERY because he does not give a damn how you feel about it.

Post # 6
Member
671 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2016

How is your relationship otherwise? to me this is a red flag in a relationship. You may want to reflect on if this is someone you want to be with. 

if you feel that everything else is fine, and this is somehow out of his control, my suggestion would be to change your schedules and go to bed at the same time. He takes his medication earlier, and you two go to bed together, ar the exact same time. 

Post # 7
Hostess
9084 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

View original reply
annamarie92 :  What the heck? He sexually assults you OFTEN and you are worried about him waking you up?!?!?!!! Are you serious. Him touching you when you are alseep when you have told him not to and you don’t like it , is abuse.

Post # 8
Member
580 posts
Busy bee

I hope you feel better, I just had a cold and it feels miserable when you can’t breathe properly, especially when going to sleep.

Or he will come in and try and put his hand down my pants when I’m sleeping, (I don’t like being touched at all when I’m sleeping.) He has basically conditioned me to hate his touch when I’m sleeping, so cuddling is never an option. This is EXTREMELY alarming and concerns me, for your sake. Someone who truly loves and respects you would not and SHOULD NOT be touching you like this while unconcious, ESPECIALLY AFTER YOU HAVE TOLD HIM NOT TO. That is a complete violation of your body.

I sleep in a full sized bed with my Fiance, and I am very sensitive while sleeping. He often will want to cuddle, I will for awhile and he becomes too warm (and it is a small bed) so I tell him to move away, and he does. Often he is sad (because he enjoys being close) but he respects me and moves away. 

If you have asked your boyfriend to respect you by not touching you, or disturbing you by coming in to the bedroom cursing or making other bigger disturbances, and he has not done so, I would truly think about what is keeping you with him. It shows a lack of respect, as his actions say “Your needs are secondary to mine. I don’t care that you are uncomfortable. I don’t care if my actions take something away from you – needed sleep, feeling safe and comfortable, etc.”

That may sound extreme but a human’s most basic need outside of food is safety. If you cannot feel safe and respected, this is a sign to get out of the relationship.

You should not have to “demand an explanation” of why he does this. and for 30 minutes!?! He doesn’t get to have an explanation, there is nothing to justify this behavior that would be acceptable to me.

I am concerned about how he treats you in other times of conflict or in other areas of your life.

 

Post # 9
Member
5083 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2014

View original reply
HappySky7 :  That was my first thought that the sleep meds were doing something to him, especially since he denies doing it. I’ve known people to have some pretty weird reactions to taking sleep meds and then staying up (as it seems the OP’s SO is doing). I just seems strange that he can’t stop this behavior and even denies doing it. 

If he is fully aware and just refuses to stop, then obviously there is a problem there. 

Post # 10
Member
205 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Edson Keith Mansion

Is he taking ambien? There are certian medications, like ambien, that he basically wouldn’t even know that he is doing this stuff. With most sleep aids you’re also supposed to take them and go to bed almost immediately…so maybe all ne needs to do is wait until he’s about to go to sleep and then take it? Or go to bed at the same time as you? He might want to talk to a doctor about switching to something else. 

I used to take ambien occasionally and annoy my Fiance endlessly, all while I thought I was asleep. Once it started interfering with HIS sleep, we knew it was time for a switch. I take trazodone when necessary now and I’ve had way less side effects. 

Post # 11
Member
194 posts
Blushing bee

How old is this man-child?  And why in the world are you the one caring for his son instead of him?

Post # 12
Member
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

View original reply
annamarie92 :  Holy flip, your boyfriend sounds like a massive ass! I can’t believe he tries to touch you when you’re asleep. OP, that’s disgusting. You poor thing. Please rethink this relationship. Not only does he sexually assault you, he sounds disrespectful, rude, and like he couldn’t give a shit about your feelings. It’s a shame he sounds like a poor excuse for a father too. You can do soo much better! It sounds like it’s time to call it a day.

Post # 13
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

Uhhhhh. He sounds pretty annoying. I don’t think I could deal with someone who ignored my constant/repeated request for something so reasonable. Also, touching my lady parts when I’m sleeping is…. doing it without consent. I don’t give a shit if I’m married. You don’t handle the bits without a green light. I’d be moving on. 

Post # 14
Member
9784 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Does he take ambien? I’ve heard of people doing some weird shit on that. If so he should be taking it and going to bed right away I think.

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