Post # 31
ThrowawayAccount: What trauma does he have exactly? I’ve been broken up with a bunch of times in the past, 2 in particular were done very cruelly. My father left me when I was 4 only to return a small handful of times and then leave again. I’ve had friendships fade away like everyone else and I’m not stalking anyone. He DOES have major major issues. Having been through a marriage where my ex wouldn’t get help, I’ll tell you this. It’s.not.worth.it. I promise. Go.
Post # 32
I agree with the other posters telling you to get out now. Like yesterday! No amount of explaining and justifying ‘why’ and ‘how’ would be acceptable in getting me to stay. Good luck lovely x
Post # 33
- Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY
AgainstTheCurrent: This. Every word.
Post # 35
Just because someone has a mental condition, doesn’t mean you should stay with them. It’d be different if he acquired this from an injury or incident while you were together. But he sounds dangerous and he is likely stalking her to cause her harm. She is obviously afraid of him, hence the restraining order.
Post # 36
After reading some of your other replies here, I would absolutely not attend the hearing. I would use this time to disappear. Move out, find a place he doesn’t know about, change your phone number, everything. He’ll likely be after you next. Protect yourself. Let the law sort it all out. Nothing he says to you now can be believed or trusted.
Post # 37
I don’t think he’s necessarily a bad guy, but he is a sick guy, and that can be just as detrimental. Look, my guy had some serious issues when we first met, he was an alcoholic and had abandonment issues from his father leaving him. Fast forward, he is now 30 years old, he sought counseling on his own for the drinking and has been sober for years, and he goes to therapy once a week for the other stuff. I can see a huge difference.
It sounds like your guy really relies on this idea that he’s damaged beyond repair, and so scarred from childhood that he exhibits very alarming behavior. The fact is, he is 30, his childhood was practically 20 years ago! That’s a lot of time to know about your issues and do nothing to fix them. I would proceed with caution, and I think ofr your safety you should talk to the ex girlfriend.
Post # 38
I can’t imagine being in a relationship where I would always have to worry about where the other person is at and what they’re doing. I think this was a great opportunity for you to see who he is and get out.
Post # 39
Restraining orders are not given out for no reason. I know it’s easier said than done, but you need to leave. Yes, there is a chance that the ex-gf spun a good story of lies to get the order, but having worked in courts in multiple counties (criminal & family divisions) and a protective order unit at a DV organization, I’d guess odds excee 99% that this is NOT someone a sane girl who doesn’t thrive on crazy drama wants to be with.
Edit: my fi has abandonment issues, and they do not manifest this way, not by a long shot.
Post # 40
Yep, time to go. You’re lucky this came to light before you invested any more time and energy into the relationship. I am sorry you’re going through this, and I don’t mean to sound insensitive to your feelings, but you need to get out now.
Post # 42
You’re right. Judges don’t hand out restraing orders just because someone asks. She would have had to present a credible set of facts, under penalty of perjury. He had his day in court, ie his chance to respond & defend himself. Evidently, the judge wasn’t impressed.
OP, you won’t get answers or clarity from him.
He’s capable of ignoring a court order as well as harassing another woman while carrying on a “relationship” with you. I suspect you’re still in denial & I hope you get through that soon. He’s dangerous.
Post # 43
You sound really rational in your post. Minus the whole bf’s in jail for trying to see his ex restraining order part. I am going to sound completely heartless but I refuse to justify his actions based on his past. I know this isn’t completely heartless because obviously the court also didn’t give him an exception. Go on the common pleas court website and look up his case or go to the courthouse and get the docket printed. I know you want to be understanding and help however you really need to put yourself first in this situation.
Post # 44
Cory_loves_this_girl: +1 billion….guys like this are usually 1 of 2 things….horrifically unstable and dangerous….OR REALLY good at manipulation or a combo of both…
OP: this is scary….there are ALOT of issues….what if in a year or so you guys break up over something non related to this….what is he going to do to you IF that happens….what if he dosent get help and therapy and stay with it….alot of people have abandonment issues but they dont stalk people….that is a whole other issues….scary issues…esp if they can hide it that well….
Post # 45
These types of guys always have excuses and make you feel sorry for him. They ALWAYS portray the ex to be the one that’s crazy and/or made them into a psycho. Next you will be that ex. Or you will continue making excuses for him forever. I know because I’ve been there and done that with someone for 6 years.