(Closed) My boyfriend was arrested for stalking and harrassment

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 61
Member
9135 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

A restarining order is a history of this behavior.  There is absolutely more to the story than what you are reading but the bottom line is that she was afraid enough to take out a restraining order and a judge felt there was enough to justify making it a permanent one.  I would break things off and let him deal with the situation he created.  Hopefully he won’t start stalking you next.

Post # 62
Member
2738 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My main suggestion: when you first talk to him don’t make it about you & your feelings.  First,  make sure he’s ok.  Second,  ask him what happened & give him a chance to explain. Third, let him know what the lady at the sheriff’s office told you (basically telling him you know about the restraining order & why he was arrested…If he doesn’t tell you about all of it). Then, give him another chance to explain,  if he didn’t tell you everything the first time. Fourth, tell him how you feel & how this has affected you, your feelings, & the relationship.  Good luck.

Post # 63
Member
2167 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

 

ThrowawayAccount:  I’ll be blunt as I always am…this is no fucken joke. The PPs who have said that Judges don’t grant restraining orders for no good reason are absolutely right. You’re boyfriend is mentally ill and obviously deemed very dangerous. He also sees no reason why he should be forced to abide by a Court order, which is extremely frightening. He thinks the rules don’t apply to him. He is not concerned with any of the possible consequences of his actions, and therefore he is quite literally CAPABLE OF ANYTHING since he has nothing to lose.

I had a crazy ex who stalked and harassed me for a very long time after our breakup. I stupidly let him into my apartment one night to talk and had to ask him to leave when things started getting scary. When he refused I literally had to push him out the door and hold it with all my weight while I fumbled with the deadbolt. I manged to lock it, but when I looked through the peephole I saw him holding a very large hunting knife (that I didn’t know he was carrying but that he must have had very close at hand) and scratching my door. His eyes were completely vacant and blank…he didn’t even look human anymore. I have never been more frightened in my life than I was at that moment…it literally took my breath away and I froze, just watching him with that knife.

That was a few years ago, but I have absolutely no doubt that this ex of mine is still incredibly dangerous and mentally and emotionally sick. Even now it causes me distress to think  of him dating and getting into a realtionship with an unsuspecting woman who has no idea what he is truly like. Maybe the next woman won’t be as lucky as I was and she won’t be able to get to that deadbolt in time. It’s frightening. Even though this ex is outwardly friendly, charming and often easy to be around….the truth is that he will never change what he is deep down at the core of him. He’s one of those guys that you just know will end up committing suicide one day or spending the rest of his life in jail for murdering someone else.

Your boyfriend is the same kind of sick creep…run away…AS FAST AS YOU CAN!!!!!!!!! There is nothing left for you with this man and if you continue on with him you will very likely find yourself in serious physical danger.

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  sillysillybee.
Post # 64
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

 

ThrowawayAccount: 

After reading your last reply I hope she ignores your attempts to hear her “side”, how horrible to make her relive what she went through for your curiosity. You can just wait for the hearing.  She doesn’t owe you anything. 

Post # 65
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

MinkaGrl01:  Why shouldn’t the OP get it from the horse’s mouth? Her safety may wind up being at risk too. It’s wise of her to reach out to this man’s ex so that she can know what to expect.

Post # 66
Member
185 posts
Blushing bee

Let me start out by saying this….I feel sooo badly about what you have just found, and what you may choose to endure later in regards to this situation. It is a horrible place to be in, especially when you’ve caused none of what is going on. HOWEVER, serious question…WHAT IS THERE TO TALK ABOUT?! He has a “secret restraining order” which he has obviously violated, which has resulted in him being arrested. NOT COOL. And let me please state, for the record why I am not sensitive towards ANY of his possible reasons as to why he may have done it….BECAUSE I AM A VICTIM OF STALKING, HARASSMENT and INTIMIDATION. I was with my ex for 9.5 years. I broke it off after numerous times of trying to work it out, even being cheated on and from my finally walking away, I’ve been harassed by phone via my mom’s phone, my work phone, MY cell phone (which I changed the number 12 times the summer of 2012); my apartment window was shot through, I’ve had a “Do not Contact” and Protection Order against this person but they did not care. Would stay on the phone while the police was at my apartment, telling me who nothing would be done to them. FINALLY after I found a loophole, a warrant was issued for their arrest. We went to court, they kept continuing it, thinking they would win. My phone records were pulled and it was found my ex called me over 600 HUNDRED TIMES…SIX HUNDRED! My life was even threatened in front of THEIR mother. They are now on supervised probation for 2 years but guess what…THEY CONTINUE TO CALL MY JOB, send emails “annonymously” and everything else. So, all this bs your boyfriend is saying about how she treated him like crap and ended things badly, she probably had GOOD CAUSE. Pack your things and leave him NOW! This is not a good thing at all!

Post # 67
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

“Absolutely shoking, this is NOT the type of guy he is. It must be a mistake!”

Yes, it IS the type of guy he is. Shocking, sure; but sometimes the truth is indeed shocking. It’s NOT a mistake. Now you have a better idea of who he truly is. And that person is someone you are DEFINITELY making the right move by running from.

And what’s up with the calling out in the middle of the night in his sleep? Seriously? Do you want to sleep next to that for the rest of your life? That’s a little bit ridiculous. That would drive me absolutely up the wall. Buddy boy needs help, and you do NOT need that kinda drama.

This guy has some serious baggage and issues, and you don’t need that dragging you down. You’re doing the right thing by leaving. <br /><br /><br />

Post # 68
Member
505 posts
Busy bee

ThrowawayAccount:   I’d it possible his ex lied to get him in trob and he didn’t contact her our anything and is falsely accused? I’m leaving towards this ad you said you went thru everything abd found nothing pointing to him actually doing this. So maybe she’s a big fat liar causing him more issues

Post # 69
Member
524 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

CorvusCorax:  Because she’s a victim.  And it’s just more harassment she has to go through.  There’s no justification for it. 

 

OP’s saftey is at risk? She has other options she should consider before contacting the victim.  She needs to get away to somewhere safe asap.  She can talk to the police and find out if she needs protection too.  All this can be done without added harassment for the victim.

 

 

Post # 70
Member
1987 posts
Buzzing bee

Totalkaos1983:  I understand that you are trying to be kind to the OP, but by enabling this line of thinking you may be doing her a great disservice.  Do you have any idea what a struggle it is to get an order or protection (as many women on this thread have attested)?  When I think of the dangerous men I’ve known whose actions were never sanctioned it makes me shudder to think what the OP’s partner might have done.  Even if her partner is part of the incredibly small number of people who may have a ill-earned order of protection out against them (and I am skeptical that that is the case), the OP still needs to put safe distance between herself and her partner and THEN she can carry out further investigations.

Post # 71
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Totalkaos1983:  That scenario is incredibly unlikely, and you are not helping by expressing this rather naive point of view. First of all, the restraining order itself was from six months ago. He did something to warrant that. Judges wont give pass down restraining orders because some random woman is a “big fat liar”. They do it for a reason; because they deemed it appropriate in this case. Which means that there is something clearly wrong with the guy.

Post # 73
Member
505 posts
Busy bee

Actually I’m a survivor of abuse which led to attempted murder. I have a active restraining order on him pr otecting MarriedToMyWork:   myself abd my son to this day. I’ve never suggested she shouldn’t leave for now. I asked if she thought about that possibility. Not all women honestly get restraining orders. Some Dj in fact lie. It’s a option she needs to look at asking with the fact he could be that good & left absolutely no trace. 

Post # 74
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

ThrowawayAccount: Please stop victimizing this guy and justifying his behavior. You don’t get restraining orders against you and jail time for stalking unless you are a SERIOUS threat to someone. Please, just stop. 

He turned out the be someone that you didn’t think he was. Sucks and I’m sorry that it happened to you, but it is time to move on. Fool me once, shame on you… Fool me twice, shame on me. Don’t be surprised when he justifies his way back into your life and he does this all over again. You’ll be lucky to leave now (while he is locked away) and not get stalked. I certainly wouldn’t risk it even later down the road.

Post # 75
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

Totalkaos1983: Please go educate yourself on these sorts of legal processes, and the tremendous amount of proof that is required for someone to even have an order or protection and/or charges placed against them. And, stop giving any advice until you do.

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