ThrowawayAccount: You need to listen to me.
I went through almost THE EXACT thing (it is crazy reading the comparisons!)
I met this guy who was so thoughtful, funny, no games about his feelings for me (i was 18 so it was a shock to have a guy say “i want to be with you” right away). I tried to just be friends for a while as he had a complicated situation (recently broke up with his ex gf who just had his baby), but i fell hard.
Several months into our relationship (me thinking that the crazy ex-GF was just being a bitch) there was a restraining order filed him against him. I believed all the silly things he said about him just trying to see his daughter and we got over it. A few months after that he was arrested.
we worked at the same location, so think of how embarrassing it was to get a call from my work that he had been arrested for violation of his restraining order! It was because of an email (but he later admitted he showed up one time to her work as well) saying he was sorry and he missed her and just wanted to see his daughter, didn’t know what a good thing he had etc etc.
Needless to say, i was pissed. Right then and there i should have left. But he manipulated me. He had messed up parents and abuse in his past which he was forced to go to counciling for as a child. I ate up all his excuses about his past trauma and trust issues and how he was only sweet talking her to see his daughter.
Biggest mistake of my life. I wish i left. I wish i had been smart enough to see the signs. I wish i had not made excuses for him. The shit never ends. I will tell you right now, it isn’t worth it. If this guy loved you, he wouldn’t be trying to contact someone (who has a legal order against him!). There is no excuse in the world.
The next year and a half of my life i wish i could get back. It was a series of court dates, legal research (because i was so determined to help him even though he couldnt be bothered to do the research himself). Constant fighting because there was NO trust. I could never shake the feeling of jealousy towards her, no matter how much i tried or how much he would tell me that he loved me, she meant nothing bla bla bla.
Eventually he started talking to someone else and that wad my final straw. After all i had done and given up for him it still wasnt enough. I kicked him out and you want to know what happened? He stalked me for the next 6 months. Showed up at my house, calls after calls, contacting me on fake accounts on Facebook etc. It finally stopped when i moved and convinced him i had changed my number. I talked to his ex to apologize for making it so difficult for her and her child in the past. I had her pegged all wrong from his stories, HE was the crazy one who just up and left her when i came along and then stalked her. I felt awful.
What i am trying to say is, this may not seem like him BUT IT IS. I know he is not my ex, but people like this dont just change and become normal. Please message me if you want to talk.