(Closed) MY BOYFRIEND’S BITCHY EX – shall I accept his proposal yet??

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

He “Doesn’t see her that kind of way” but writes her a message that says “It was hard seeing you because I’ll always have feelings for you”? er, no.

He needs to never, ever EVER talk to this girl again, especially not behind your back. Otherwise, I think you need time to work this out before you get engaged.

Post # 4
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

double post

Post # 5
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@lovestoned_x:  I would ask him how he honestly feel about her. I love my Darling Husband dearly but I know there is an ex I have that it wuold be hard to be around because I’m afraid of my emotions.

He needs to block her. Matter of fact, I would do it for him hehehe. It seems like he loves you and he is a bleeding heart trying to help her in life but she needs to be let go.

I would get back together with him but you two need to build back up trust. Take it slow. You can accept the ring and have a long engagement.

Post # 6
Member
1944 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

If there’s no trust, there shouldn’t be an engagement. I understand your anger towards her but he is at fault to. She wasn’t holding a gun to his head making him respond or stop over. He did that, those were his decisions made by him alone. I would highly suggest couples counseling to get through this and work past this. Has he had any contact with her recently? How does he respond when you say you don’t trust him?

Post # 7
Member
5977 posts
Bee Keeper

@DeathByDesign:  Exactly…what was that line all about? Sorry, but he’s pulling the wool over your eyes on this one. 

Post # 8
Member
5075 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

nope.  You have too many issues to work out first.

Post # 9
Member
9824 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Uh, he was with her for 3 years and said he just saw her as a friend? And now he’s talking to her like “I still have feelings for you and I miss you”? I’m thinking not so much. Not only does the entire situation sound very high school, I think he has things to work out before making any commitments.

She might be “crazy” but he seems more than willing to keep buying into it.

Post # 10
Member
5667 posts
Bee Keeper

If you have to ask you probably already know the answer. No, absolutely not.

Post # 11
Member
1307 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

My SO and I would have some serrrrrrious problems if he had said “it was hard seeing you the other day, L. I will always have feelings for you and be bound to that emotion”. AND if he went and met up with her without telling me.  So, I’d be the same–trust would be a huge issue for me at that point. Definitely wait on an engagement. No trust will ruin EVERYTHING.

Post # 12
Member
1109 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I think you should dump him and walk out the door. I understand that you want to trust him but it’s a little naive to continue to believe that this is all her being crazy and desperate and him just feeling bad and trying to be nice. He’s participating 100%. He’s seeing her behind your back. Don’t even ask him why he lied, because you know he lied because it was shady. Honestly, don’t blame her or call her desperate, he’s just having his cake and eating it too. It’d maybe be desperate for her to contact him no matter how many times he told her he loves you and doesn’t want to have a friendship with her, but he’s hanging out with her and telling her he has feelings for her. She’s really just acting on the signals he’s sending her. I just don’t think you should tolerate this treatment.

Sorry to be so blunt but you deserve better than this!

Post # 13
Member
2401 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Why in the world would you ever, EVER take a guy back like this? He wrote to some other woman that he had feelings for her and always would. He snuck around behind your back. And now he is trying to promise you an engagement? … Yikes.

Post # 14
Member
3798 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

No way. In fact, if I found messages from my SO to another girl like that throughout our entire relationship, I wouldnt’ be with him long enough to talk about getting engaged. I have no tolerance for this sort of thing.

I think you are right to not want to accept a proposal until this is sorted out, however that may be.

Post # 15
Member
283 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

ohmybears48 (message)    September 28, 2013   Chicago, IL

Why in the world would you ever, EVER take a guy back like this? He wrote to some other woman that he had feelings for her and always would. He snuck around behind your back. And now he is trying to promise you an engagement? … Yikes.”


^^^I agree with this.
He was sneaky and not being completely truthful. Be careful!

Post # 16
Member
97 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

absolutely not… do not get engaged because then you are telling him that all that behavior was excusable. Even if he felt bad for her, he was doing it behind your back. there is NO reason for that… at all. and I agree with deathbydesign – that one line is very disturbing. I won’t say all is lost, but I agree with other posters that counseling might help and there is no way you should get engaged at this point. it’s almost like he’s trying too hard to prove his devotion after being caught. he needs to NEVER talk to her or see her again and regain your trust. sneaking around is a very bad behavior and has no place in a relationship no matter how he “feels” about her. 

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