My boyfriend's ex is viewing my Instagram stories

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 31
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

radlace :  of course! I did the same stuff at the beginning of our relationship but my fi isn’t a big social media guy. It literally took me a year to be like, ‘hey can you take down those pics of Morgan sitting on your lap on fb’. ‘Hey can you take down those pics of you and your ex’. LOL but he wasn’t engaging at all and he’s all about me. If he cares about you, he won’t have a problem. If you bring it up in a nice way/place of concern/curiousity, and he’s like ‘ahh why you crazy jealous ay ay’ then I’d question his motives on that behavior lol but you said he’s a nice guy so he’s probably just naiive undecided lol 

Post # 32
Member
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

avprobeauty :  Good point. It does seem like a very calculated move on her part…(what- I can’t post a throwback pic because an ex was there when I took it? I can’t tag my ex in anything? Damn, ex’s new girlfriend is totally insecure, I feel sorry for him)…in that it’s not technically wrong, but she’s definitely fishing, and using this to gauge his reaction.

Post # 33
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

wolfeyes :  ““so your ex has been watching my IG stories, weird hey? I went to block her just because it felt a bit invasive, and I saw she’d tagged you in a post about a trip you went on – what’s her story?””

This is a great script. I agree that it doesn’t appear the bf has done anything wrong, so when you do talk to him, OP, you def shouldn’t be accusatory or anything (not that you were planning to).

This whole thing reminds me of a total non-issue I had with an ex awhile back. This ex and I broke up over 10 years ago, and for many years have had barely any contact except for wishing each other happy bday on Facebook every year. We would always post something sort of witty on the other one’s wall when the birthday came around. Well, a couple years ago it was my birthday and the ex posted something slightly bantery about growing old, and dh saw the ex’s post on my wall and made some snarky remark about it. I can’t even remember what he said, but reading between the lines I could tell he wasn’t a huge fan. I explained that I am not even really in touch with this ex – we simply wish each other happy bday every year. Dh was like “ok cool” and changed the subject – he never mentioned it again, and certainly didn’t tell me to cease contact with the ex. But nevertheless I was left with a slightly off feeling, like what really was I getting out of this once a year birthday banter with an ancient ex? I decided on my own that I just wouldn’t wish the ex a happy birthday the next year, and, aside from verrrry occasionally “liking” something one or the other of us puts on instagram, that put an end to all remaining communication, which was not a loss for me.

Now, do I think I was doing anything wrong by bantering with the ex on his bday once a year and vice versa? No; like I said it’s ancient history between us and I have less than zero urge to reconnect with him on any level. But I could tell our interaction made my husband very very slightly uncomfortable, and that was enough reason for me to put an end to it – even though dh would have never asked me to.

What I’m trying to get at in a very long-winded way here lol is that hopefully when you talk to your bf, he will pick up on your uneasiness and that will be enough reason for him to cut back on the interaction with his ex. He should prioritize your feelings over hers. 

Post # 34
Member
1639 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

Tatum :  thank you! Omg yes so passive agressive and it’s so covert it’s almost undetectable. I love the quotes. 

Post # 35
Member
454 posts
Helper bee

Twizbe :  I 100% agree with this.

Block her if you don’t specifically want HER to see your stuff and like to have it public for likes (which is what I do). If she’s super stalkerish she may make up rando accounts to keep viewing and in that case then you’re probably gonna have to make it private.

Anyway, she must not be over him if she’s looking at your stuff and like tagging him in things. I wouldn’t really worry about it too much if you trust your Boyfriend or Best Friend.

Post # 36
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2020

To be honest I don’t think it’s that weird on her part to view your Instagram stories, some people are just nosey and I’m one of them. I’d watch my best friends nans neighbours dogs instagram stories if I could! It’s human curiosity to see who your ex ended up with, doesn’t necessarily mean she still has feelings for him! I still stalk all my exes to see what they are up to and definetly check out their new girlfriends, don’t have feelings for any of them I’m just nosey! The messaging him and tagging him in posts would be a concern though 

Post # 37
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

 

People tend to obssess over their ex’s profiles, and/or their new gf’s profiles for a while before they can move on. I am sure her friends are telling her the same thing… that to block you and your bf and stop perusing you guys’ pix!

This will blow over sooner or later. Since your bf is not doing anything wrong, or actively engaging her, you can leave him out of it. Don’t bring it to his attention when she is clearly NOT on his mind for any reason.

Post # 38
Member
842 posts
Busy bee

radlace :  one of my husband’s former flings does this all the time. They only dated for 2 months, broke up, and then he met me shortly after. He stopped talking to her well over a year ago, got rid of her number and took her off his facebook friends, but even now she still checks out my Instagram (she has liked a few of my posts) and she’s always viewing my stories. From what I gather she’s recently gotten married (her Instagram profile is public) so I’m like, whatever. Sorry her marriage isn’t insteresting enough and she needs to keep checking out mine 😂

Post # 40
Member
1057 posts
Bumble bee

My ex boyfriend was my best friend for 17 years before he and I dated.  He wasn’t right for me, the breakup wasn’t pleasant, and we no longer speak.  His insta is private, his new gf’s is public.  I’ll look at her insta every once in a while to see how he’s doing.  Because of it, I know he’s gotten a promotion and relocated.  I’m happy for him, and genuinely so.  However, I’m not going to reach out to him in any way.  Tbh, I like seeing some pictures of how his dogs are doing, since they were halfway to children for me, as well.  

So, it’s not always some weird jealousy thing.  

 

ETA:  Whoa, just saw your update… so sorry, Bee.  🙁 

Post # 41
Member
7865 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Well, shit. I didn’t see that one coming. I’m so sorry bee. I definitely think the timing is suspicious with his ex suddenly all up in his grill. Take care of yourself – do you have some friends or family members nearby for support? Breakups are so hard.

Post # 42
Member
9623 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

radlace :  oh wow. I’m sorry you clearly were blindsided and that sucks.

Take care of yourself bee

Post # 43
Member
1239 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

radlace :  Uuuugh, what the fuck. And fuck his ex’s fucking bullshit nostalgia posts. I’m so sorry!!! Really though, that just shows you that you knew something was up because it felt wrong, despite some of the comments here telling you to just forget about it by blocking her.

The effort that has to go into a relationship with someone who can’t express himself in his late twenties (I don’t actually know his age) is more often than not very problematic. Kinda feels like you dodged a bullet, even though it’s left you really hurt and confused. 

Post # 44
Member
521 posts
Busy bee

I’m sorry ☹️ I just came back to read the updates. You shouldn’t have felt juvenile or silly. We women have been given the gift of intuition. Trust it. If you ever are in a situation and something feels off or wrong or fishy, it probably is. Your bf/ex bfs behavior would have bothered me very much; his liking her memory comment and going down memory lane with her and the shear fact that he still communicated with her on messaging apps while he’s in a relationship is pretty disrespectful.

Lesson from this; trust yourself.  

Dont spend too much time crying over him either. He doesn’t sound worth it. 

Post # 45
Member
2231 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m really sorry, OP. Maybe it isn’t anything to do with her. Maybe your recent vacation together made him feel like the relationship is moving too quickly? I hope you feel better soon.

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