Post # 16
To everyone asking: she is 24 and he is 26 (hard to believe but this is from one of her previous posts).
“He askes me if i wanted something to drink, I said no. He pulled out some wine thing he bought me and just rested in on the table in front me. He did it like if to say to me “ok well you should leave if you’re being so cold me” without actually saying anything to me.”
I feel like this sums up your terrible communication. Per a different paragraph you said he normally gets you your drinks so he probably knew that your “no” was a passive aggressive no and then when he brought you a drink they he purchased specifically for you, you took it as “LEAVE!”
If you won’t break up, at least go to counseling (as many bees suggested to you two months ago).
Post # 17
What does your BF suggest about your reconciling with his parents?
Post # 18
holy shit… She is my age, that’s embarrassing.
Post # 19
I thought her screen name looked familiar and sure enough she is the author of http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/my-fiance-broke-up-with-me/
This whole relationship is a trainwreck.
Post # 20
You need to fix your relationship with your bf before even thinking of addressing issues with his family. If you guys aren’t a united front, you have no chance.
But seriously, he screamed at you in a public place and threw your ring… you need to spend some time by yourself reflecting on why you’re ok with tolerating someone treating you badly. Because it’s not ok. He sounds completely enmeshed with his family, he probably told them how he broke up with you and yet here you are, coming back for more. No wonder they are keeping you at an arms length. They are following his lead.
Your problem is 100% with your bf, not his family.
Post # 21
I usually try very hard to understand each poster’s problem – and come up with a thoughtful response – but in your case all I can think is ‘how old are these two?’ You guys sound like 14 year olds – ignoring each other, playing video games, etc. I hate to break this to you, but if you’re anywhere over 22, it’s time to grow up. If you’re complaining of minor shit like your boyfriend ignoring you, how to hell are you going to deal with real issues like a sick child, house payments, losing a job, breast cancer, or any of the other real problems that couples end up facing together? You guys can’t even pull your head out of your ass long enough to go talk to each other.
If this family acts the way you say they do, I doubt you have to say anything to them – they seem to be mad and scream at each other one minute and are fine the next. So just drop it – I assume they have too
also – get a backbone and have some opinions. No one wants you to be Switzerland – you look like you just agree with everyone and have no mind of your own. If you have an opinion then say it!
Post # 22
Everyone in this situation is childish, immature and probably incapable of fixing any of this. Cut your losses, fiancé sounds like a serious controlling ass, the family is too involved also. Id get the fuck out of that mess.
Post # 23
This whole posts sounds very….. Young and dumb.
Post # 24
OH! This is THAT couple. I figured they had broken up awhile back. So she’s back for more abuse huh?
Honest to God I hope they stay together because they seem to enjoy the drama that the other causes. She ignores him, he ignores her… Sounds like a fun time. I wonder why she’s so adamant about staying with him? You don’t have kids, a house, etc together. Why not just break up now and go for someone who treats you with some respect? If you continue to be with him, you have to ask yourself why you enjoy being treated this way? Why don’t you feel you deserve a better relationship than this?
Post # 25
We both want to apologize to our respective parents for our actions, talk to them about how we decided getting married would be crazy if this is how we handle conflict and communication, and that we would still like to pursue a relationship but focus on building a better foundation and getting to know each other better, rebuilding the healthy friendship we had before it led to this unhealthy dynamic. He talked to his parents and said when I’m ready I could come and talk to them. I still need to talk to my dad but he’s fighting a nasty cold right now so I’m biding my time before I let my bf sit and talk with him. We are trying to be considerate of their feelings and it seems like my boyfriend’s parents are still upset with me. So I get him wanting them to be in a better place before I come and apologize. After all its only been a week. But is it too considerate? Is letting time pass good or bad? I dont know which one contributes to peace more.
We were idiots and yes we have growing up to do and we are taking the time to do it. But there is a lot of good that outweighs the bad here and though it may be hard to see that right now we just want to know how to respectfully go about getting our folks to see that. So far we’ve been working on ourselves and honestly and openly communicating about our many differing perspectives and differences. He’s being really open-minded. I’m hopeful with the progress we’ve made thus far.
But his parents…I dont know what to do, i just dont know.
Post # 26
I’m not going to comment on the childishness of the original fight (because I think you already know that, and if you don’t enough bees have surely told you by now), but I will comment on the point of your current post.
You guys may have worked out your issues, but you have to remember that his family…and your family…and your friends, etc. don’t know your entire relationship. They don’t hold on to or care about all of those times you were nice to each other and your relationship was perfect. But they DEFINITELY remember you two screaming at each other in the middle of their neighborhood a couple weeks ago. And him throwing your ring at you. And you breaking your engagement.
This is why people often suggest that you should never include family and friends in your personal relationship business. It’s the negative that they’re going to hold on to. So in time his family might be able to get over this and think of you the way they once did, but it’s definitely not going to happen overnight.
Also, if I were you OP I would consider why he doesn’t want you to even approach his family to try and make things right. Is it because maybe he isn’t confident that this will last?
Post # 27
I think you both are right to apologize irl. If sickness or logistics stand in the way, write a heartfelt note (much like your reply to me) with a gift card to a restaurant where you can plan a visit soon. One set of parents at a time. But dont forget to apologize to each other. Your mishandling things there put family in the splash zone. Just my $0.02.
Post # 28
Don’t worry about his family. It is important to have a good relationship with your spouses family but its not a priority. Your priority is a good relationship with you boyfriend. As long as you guys have those riddiculus problems and fights, you will never have a good relationship with his family. His family sees your relationship not working properly hence they will never truly accept it or you.
Work on your relationship first. And I mean really work. Only then worry about making it good with his family.
Post # 29
This but I admit that I couldn’t even make it through all of that….
Post # 30
I’m not going to repeat PPs about the fight, but I would really like you to consider that it should not be THIS hard in your relationship before you even get married.