(Closed) My boyfriend's family hates me

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 76
Member
2689 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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mrsthomas2017 :  Well this must be the first time I’ve seen a poster ask bees for advice has now turned around and posted their own motivational pciture. There is a first time for everything I guess hahahahaaa

 

 

Post # 77
Member
483 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2016

Post # 78
Member
1882 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

I read the whole thread and 6 pages later I’m still getting over the fact that OP and her guy are adults and not high schoolers like I first thought. Like, you’re both holding down good jobs and supporting yourselves at this level of immaturity?! 

Post # 79
Member
1076 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

[content moderated for baiting]

Post # 80
Member
15287 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

My boyfriend knew I was upset and he let the situation escalate.

Holy crap, just what the hell do you want from this guy?  You hate when he dismisses your suggestion so you shut down and dismiss everything he has to say and then expect him to grovel at your feet to talk to you.  He didnt esclate shit, YOU closed up, and YOU esclated it in your mind.  All HE did was pretty much tell you he’s had enough of your bull shit and dind’t come begging you to talk about it like you wanted him to.

He was busy putting on his play so everyone wouldnt see that we didn’t like each other very much instead of fixing the actual issue…Now in my head, my boyfriend is supposed to do the pressing albeit not in front of his family but he is so wrapped up in this play that he doesn’t care.

If you dont want to air your dirty laundry of course he would put on a “play” and try to act normal!!  Why the hell would you NOT do that in front of his family??  How is that NOT fixing the issue, you’re at his house, that is not the place to fix the issue.. so it makes sense he would put on a play until the right time and place.   Yeah, in your head he’s “supposed” to do the presing.  Maybe in his head YOURE “supposed” to not close up and be so cold to him too.

Are you even reading what you are writing.  Stop playing out in your head how you think HE should do everythign to fix this when you’re half the problem too.  If you’re not reaching out, why do you expect him to?  Are you trying to make him “prove” how much he loves you by seeing how much of your shit he will put up with and how hard he’s willing to “try”.  These mind fuck games dont usually work out.  Time to look in the mirror and fix yourself first instead of expecting him to fi” the “problems” you made up in your head.

Post # 81
Member
5152 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

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mrsthomas2017 :  Your boyfriend sounds like a jerk. Good luck. 

Post # 82
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2017

Wow you both sound really freaking immature. If you dont want criticism and cant handle anything people are saying to you regarding this post, why did you put it on the internet anyways? Sounds like you just want some attention.

Post # 83
Member
325 posts
Helper bee

[content moderated for personal attack]

Post # 84
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Normally my go-to response is to clear the air, have a discussion, give an apology etc, but in your particular case I’m going to go against this and say leave his parents alone. Seriously, no discussion, no letters for them to read, just let it go. Because you and your BF sound like an exhausting level of drama and his poor parents get to catch the live show on a regular basis. Just don’t even involve them in your nonsense more than you already have.

If you truly do feel sorry about your actions and want his parents to like you, then the two of you will have to prove yourselves through your actions. Those around you will notice if the two of you change your behaviour for the better.

Issuing an apology, only to use it as an opening to vent your grievously wronged side of things and only to repeat the same behaviour a day or so later anyway, this helps nobody and just inflicts more of yours and your bf’s immature theatrics on those who are probably bone-weary of all the drama already. 

Post # 85
Member
13737 posts
Honey Beekeeper

There’s a big disconnect between your description of your interactions with BFs mother that day and your conclusion that you were so cold and rude to her that she’s no longer speaking to you. Your account made it seem like you were quiet but polite, engaged in a little normal conversation, but less smiley than usual. So which is it?

 

Post # 86
Member
1260 posts
Bumble bee

Regarding your motivational poster: I strongly urge you not to over-romanticize your situation. This isn’t “we must create a new path” because of crazy external circumstances. All of the stress is because of the internal reality of your relationship. The best “new path” you can paint may be straight away from this relationship. It doesn’t seem to look like a healthy relationship, and the amount of effort you’re both putting into forcing it doesn’t seem healthy.

That doesn’t mean that you’re a bad person, or he is, or that you don’t love each other. Sometimes two good people can love each other and just not be right for each other. This relationship really doesn’t seem to bring out anything healthy in either of you. At best, it seems you both urgently need some time apart to mature and change a bit.

Post # 87
Member
538 posts
Busy bee

[content moderated for personal attack, baiting]

Post # 88
Member
1963 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

I see a few things. 

Neither of you are mature. Grow up. 

You relationship will not last. If it does, you will be unhappy the rest of your life. I hope you are ready for that. 

He is from an abuvise family. Kicking someone in the face and they are okay with it? WTF!? No. No. No. This will only get worse and if you stay, it will start in on you. 

He needs to seek therapy for the issues his family has given him. 

You need therapy to figure out why you think you deserve to be treated like this. 

Post # 90
Member
1807 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

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RobbieAndJuliahaha :  agreed! These two have to show by actions that they’re sorry. Apologies mean nothing from you – as you seem to repeat the same fights with this boyfriend over and over 

Honest to God, if you guys make such a big drama over this, how to hell are you two going to deal with real ‘grown up’ problems. What will you do if you have a handicapped baby? What will you do if you both lose jobs? Or one of you gets a life-threatening illness? These are real problems that happen in marriages – they don’t just say ‘in good times and great health’ in your vows. They say ‘in good times and BAD. In SICKNESS and in health.’ You need to grow up and realize your problems are tiny. Get over yourselves 

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