(Closed) My bridal party is falling apart

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

You absolutely have the right to be upset because it really sucks all the way around. But your ladies’ lives seem to be falling apart and you’re going to have a wonderful day regardless with the man you love — I think being pissed may be a bit much.

The $$ thing is a different issue. Is there any way you can take a bit of your reserve miscellaneous fund and help defray the costs for your MOH? I wonder if a $100 would make the difference?

Post # 5
Member
1872 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

Tickets from Alaska are $450 round trip?? I’d think it’d be that price one-way.

Wow, this really is hard. I’d be bawling, I think. At the same time, I do think that your BMs have legitimate (maybe not “good”) reasons for not going–lost job and pregnancy, depressed husband, and going through a divorce (well, Bridesmaid or Best Man A could probably suck it up for the ceremony, but might not attend the reception). I think that it would make you feel better if you called them up and asked point blank, “in or out?” Don’t make them feel bad, but I think that once you know things for sure, you can start to plan around things.

It’s very easy to feel abandoned, but it doesn’t appear to be about you or some sort of personal plot against you–it’s just kind of a bad time. I know that it’s difficult, but focus on being a good friend. At the end of the day, your wedding is not as important as their friendships and I’m sure they would appreciate you helping them through tough times and being the sort of bride who is gracious and understanding.  

Post # 6
Member
931 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Ok. Yeah, I’m with you then – you already helped out a fair amount and I’m sure you were upfront about costs. And why didn’t she make plane reservations earlier when they might have been cheaper?

Post # 8
Member
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

If you’ve never established close friendships, how did you settle on 8 bridesmaids?  I’m asking honestly, not to be a jerk.  Even though their reasons are legit, I totally understand your disappointment. 

Post # 9
Member
581 posts
Busy bee

Take a breath.  It doesn’t really matter if you have more groomsmen than bridesmaids.  You will still have a lovely wedding.  Things happen.  Focus on the positives and the things you can control.  (((Hugs))))

Post # 10
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

I’m sorry this is happening. Can you have some of the GM’s and BM’s double up?

Post # 11
Member
329 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I feel your pain. I have one bridesmaid from Alaska (my brothers wife) who couldn’t afford to come. By The Way $450 for a plane ticket from Alaska to Virginia is kind of unheard of. That must be one way (coming from someone who has flown the Alaska <–> East Coast route a _lot_).

Meanwhile, when the same predicament struck for me, FH offered to make two of his groomsmen ushers. Perhaps you could suggest the same to your fiance?

Post # 13
Member
1701 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

On the bright side, everyone LOVES your wedding dress:)

But the Bridesmaid or Best Man thing does suck.  Honestly, I think they are being a little insensitive.  MOH–did you ask her yesterday?  Why did she say yes if $$$ was going to be an issue.  Bridesmaid or Best Man A–honestly, you may be better without BOTH of them in the wedding.  It would certainly be awkward and put a damper on your day.  If nobody wants to ask him to bow out, just be lopsided.  Bridesmaid or Best Man B–again, I sympathize with her devastation but if it were me, I would just suck it up for your sake.  Sometimes putting your personal issues aside for someone’s happiness helps a lot.  However, you can’t really suggest that to her…

As for helping people financially, you can only do so much.  Part of agreeing to be in the wedding is the financial committment.  This has become a huge part of our budget.  You just have to decide when it’s worth it and when to call it a day.

I am really sorry for all the trouble you are having.  I have been very lucky that most of my wedding party is loving and supportive, regardless of what is going on in their personal lives.

Post # 15
Member
351 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Wow…just WOW. Sounds like you have some pretty inconsiderate friends. Understandably, Bridesmaid A is going through a rough time. But to literally cut 2 friends out of her life? Sounds like she’s got some issues! You would be better off without her.

As for your Maid/Matron of Honor – very rude on her part to just decide now that she’s not coming.

Just go with the 6 that are left and it’s ok that you’re lopsided. I’d rather have real friends stand by me than 2 other chicks that think only of themselves!

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