Post # 1
So, I hate most bridal and baby showers. Most involve sitting, forcing awkward conversations with other guests, eating cake, and watching somebody open presents for an hour or two. Turns out that is exactly how my shower is turning out to be even though my bridesmaid KNOWS this about me. I wanted to have a BBQ and cocktail atmosphere but apparently nobody wanted to go to the trouble to host it at their house or shell out cash for a venue…so they are having it at the chuch community center…EXACTLY what I DID NOT want. That kind of atmosphere is acceptable for a baby shower (though I loathe and avoid going to those as well). I want to celebrate being a bride and yes, I want to enjoy cocktails in a fun, casual environement. A shower is torturous enough and a dry one is even worse! I think my bridesmaid already printed invites…I really don’t want to have it at the church center. Would I be out of line saying I will have it at my house…even though I don’t want to? I will do almost anything to not have it at the church center. What do you ladies think?
Post # 3
@thebrideside: the bride isn’t supposed to have a say in the shower. but talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor and see if they can make it more in your style.
Post # 4
I understand that it sucks that it’s not at all what you like, but I would try and appreciate the fact that they’re actually throwing you one! Perhaps they can’t afford to do it at a venue, and home-showers are super stressful and usually not enough room. I get your reason for venting, but they could’ve just ignored the fact you’re getting married completely and not done anything at all? And don’t offer your house if you don’t want it there.
Post # 5
I think the people hosting a bridal shower should take the bride’s perspective and taste into account. I have never been to a “dry” bridal shower. All of the ones that I have been to have had cocktails. Why does it have to be dry at the church though? We’ve had events at my church that has had alcohol.
Post # 6
@FoxyBride14: I did ask about having alcohol at the church center and it’s a no-go.
Post # 7
Hmm I would have a big problem with this too. I also think the bride and her personality need to be taken into consideration. A picnic shower with some bubbles would be a better idea, and not expensive at all. Talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor see what she says.
People will tell you to be grateful they are doing anything but I think it’s weird that they would throw the exact shower they know you won’t enjoy. There are a million options, why not find one that everyone including the bride will enjoy? Totally weird.
Post # 8
Well if the invites are printed, it seems like there is little to do about it without it being super complicated… 🙁
Maybe they can still do the barbeque, nix the cheesy games, and find a way to make it more casual.
Post # 9
I’m totally on board with you. I went to a 5 hour long, 50 person, single glass of champagne for each person, 2.5 hours of watching her open presents bridal shower. I… have turned down every bridal shower invitation I’ve gotten since then.
Definitely talk to her about it! Ask why she chose the church-type venue. I see NO problem with hosting it at your house if you want casual fun times. Before the terrible bridal shower I attended a co-ed barbeque-style shower that was at the bride’s father’s house. We drank beer, played cornhole, and ate burgers and hotdogs. It was glorious! Everyone had a blast, including then SO, now Fiance.
Post # 10
- Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast
I think you should appreciate the effort put in by your maids to host a shower for you. You are the bride. It is your job to host the WEDDING. Do with it as you please, as long as you are being a good host. You are not the host of the bridal shower, and you do not get a say in it. As long as your maids are being good hosts (providing a reasonably comfortable environment for guests and sufficient food & drink) they have done their jobs. Seriously, just be appreciative.
Post # 11
@thebrideside: would you rather them not host you a bridal shower at all? That’s your other option. If you want it YOUR way, you host on YOUR dime.
Post # 12
@thebrideside: It might be a cost issue? Church centers are very inexpensive to rent, maybe that’s why then went that route? I feel the same way about showers as you, but if I were in your position, I would probably just go along with it…have a couple mimosas before I go (make Maid/Matron of Honor Dirty Delete or something hahah) and smile and look pretty.
Post # 13
I totally get what you’re saying, that would be torture for me too.. And no alcohol? Not even punch?! Dear lord, shoot me now!!
i begged my ladies not to throw me a shower, like BEGGED.. It took me months, but I convinced them.. I honestly justwhatever showers and the thought of me being the centre of one just makes me want to vomit, I hate being the centre of attention!
I really love what you had in mind, something with cocktails and food and mingling.. Nothing forced or awkward. Can you maybe talk to your Maid/Matron of Honor (if you think she will understand) and tell her how you’re feeling? Maybe someone (anyone) would be willing to have it at their house? Your mom? Siblings? Aunts? Anyone?
Post # 14
If you don’t want the shower they’re throwing for you, just decline their offer, OP. But it sounds pretty ungrateful to basically tell them you want something different that will involve more money and work than what they’re planning. I’m sure they’ve thought about it and have put time and money into this – and you’re telling them it’s not good enough and to do more. Not okay. I don’t think offering to have it at your house is a good option – that basically turns into you hosting…and there’s a reason the bride is not supposed to host her own shower.
Post # 15
@thebrideside: This sounds torturous, especially given that you specified it’s everything you do not want. I would tell them thanks for your efforts but given that I find showers like this to be insufferable and noone respected my wishes, I’ll host myself.
I’m the same way and made it very clear I would not be attending anything of the sorts, if someone wants to throw me one that’s nice, but unfortunatley I won’t be able to make it. I find them boring, tacky, and all around horrendous.