Post # 1
Hi bees please enlighten me a little bit i am at a loss for words! I had my shower it was a beautiful day I couldn’t be more happier!!! it was from 11-3 PM I had just about all my guest there on time which was great! My maid of honor had the buffet start at 11:45 AM and mimosas – peach bellinis bloody marys being served at 12PM it was wonderful! the drinks lasted throughout the shower which was amazing! the buffet lasted until about 1:15 PM It gave everyone over an hour to eat so it was great! I started opening gifts around 1:30 pm into a half hour opening my gifts my friend who ive been friends with over 15 years shows up at 2 PM i was alright with that i guess i was just happy she came i greeted her and gave her a big hug! so happy! I haven’t seen her for a little over a year.. The last time i saw her she had her babyshower and it was a beautiful baby shower and i was very thrilled for her and bought her nice things from her baby shower registry… for my shower She brought her mom along and her dad and her son which i was alright with again i was so thrilled to see her its been so long! I didn’t care her dad was there due to the fact i was so excited and yeah it was a traditional bridal shower women only but it wasn’t the end of the world… I was just very upset though because not only did she show up 3 hours late she didn’t bring me a gift!!! My maid of honor sent them info on my registries it fit everyones budget from small to big amounts of budgets and I was very hurt… That isn’t the worst part either by the time they showed up all the food was gone from the buffet and they ordered off the menu and left me with a 250$ bill to pay they ordered appetizers , entrees and martinis and dessert!!!!! they ordered food for her dad I had mimosas and peach bellinis! did they really have to order pricy martinis on me and leave me with the bill? I didn’t mind paying for their tab but they didn’t ask me if it was okay i was unaware of it due to the fact i was still opening my gifts and i was just trying to finish before 3 pm… I am so hurt and fustrated and I honestly don’t know if i should keep this friend around anymore.. The fact that her and her mother missed the entire buffet and showed up at 2 PM while i was in the middle of opening my gifts.. I almost wished they didnt show up at all! I understand when hosting a party you are reasonsible for food drinks ect but did they really have to order the most pricy things on the menu?? I was so happy they showed up i haven’t seen this friend in awhile and i just wish they could have given me the heads up that they were ordering food drinks and dessert i wouldn’t have been so hurt… Is it completely okay what they did? am i over thinking this?
update for those who are misunderstanding..
They were informed that they had missed the buffet and any addtional cost would be on them… I don’t think its my MOH’s fault she did the best she could there was food being served she paid per guest.. She also Rsvped with her mom so my Maid/Matron of Honor paid per person they missed the food and ordered an additonal 250$ worth of food on top of price per person that they were included in the bill..
Post # 2
VintageGirl1020 : I’m going to put aside everything else… They basically dined and dashed. Not okay. WTF?!? I would politely reach out to your “friend” and mention how nice it was to see her, etc and that in all the commotion her dad apparently forgot to pay his check. You covered it since they had already left. Would they prefer to PayPal you the reimbursement or mail a check? Unless it was an honest mistake i.e. Friend thought dad had paid, dad thought friend had paid- I would be done with this family. They sound like grifters.
Post # 3
They showed up late, after the food was finished, ordered $250 worth of food and drinks for 3 adults and a baby, and then left without paying their bill, or at least offering to cover the costs?
NOT AT ALL COOL. NOT OK.
Post # 4
It wasn’t very polite of your friend to show up late, but if you were not willing to cover the food for her and her guests, you should have informed her when she sat down that the buffet had already ended and that she could order a la carte at her own expense. You are correct, the host/ess is responsible for feeding the guests, but the guests have a responsibility to turn up while the meal that the hostess provides is still available. After that, they’re on their own. But the hostess is responsible for making that clear before latecomers begin placing their orders. Basically you both messed up.
As for the fact that she didn’t bring a gift, well, that’s just part of life and you need to let that one go. It sucks that she didn’t give you any presents but nice people don’t complain about not getting presents.
Post # 5
I agree with pp that it was pretty much a dine and dash! How rude! I feel like bringing your dad to a bridal shower is really weird, but my dad would cring at the thought of sitting thought a bridal shower. It sounds like they wanted a free meal. I would do as VintageGirl1020 suggested and casually mention that they forgot to pay their bill on there way out. $250 is lot for a lunch!!
Post # 6
VintageGirl1020 : OK. So my guess is that they didn’t realize that ordering from the menu was not something included in the party. If they got there after the buffet had been put away already they may have assumed everyone else ate menu items as well. Sure, it’s pretty thoughtless to not check and make sure that is the case, but I know I’ve been to a lot of restraurant parties where people went off to the bar and charged it back to the party even though that was NOT expected by the host. I think a lot of people don’t understand how it works.
So… yeah, bringing uninvited guests, showing up late, not bringing a gift, and being thoughtless and greedy? That is not the nicest friend in the world. But I don’t think she “dined and dashed” as others have said. I think it was a really stupid mistake.
I’m sorry. It really sucks that you got stuck with the bill.
Post # 7
WTF?! who does this? Why did she even come? Its a shower, you bring a gift. Not only did she not do that, she made you spend your money on her and her familys meal?! This is almost humerous its so unreal…. I would 100% confront her. I dont know how anyone in her family thought this was ok. Noone else was ordering meals and stuff right?
Post # 8
I can’t decide if this was a miscommunication or if she was extremely rude. I think your Maid/Matron of Honor, as the hostess, should have handled the task of letting your friend know that there was a hosted buffet earlier, but since it was over, any food she ordered would be at her own expense (which is fine, IMO — it’s not like she showed up 15 min late, she showed up 3 hours late, and you can’t expect them to keep the food out forever). If you now hate her and don’t want to be friends, you could send her a Venmo request for the bill, lol (I’m semi-kidding…I’d be dying to do this in theory, but probably wouldn’t have the balls).
Not bringing a gift is ridiculous considering the fact that it’s a shower. Maybe she’s planning on having something from your registry shipped to your home and hasn’t gotten around to it yet.
Post # 9
I’m a bit torn. I don’t think you can be mad they were late, maybe they thought it was more like an open house thing? “we’ll be here from 11-3, would love to see you!” kind of thing. I also don’t think you can be mad they didn’t bring a gift. Yes, showers are usually gift giving ocassions, but its really dumb to be upset about that. Now, they should NOT have eaten and left you with the bill. I think that was wrong. However, I do think you should have food available throughout the party for people to eat, or specified what you were covering. ie “Mimosas and Bloody marys are compliments of the Bride/MOH/whoever is paying” and anything else would not be mentioned. Maybe they didn’t know the buffet was gone, and thought it was fine to order off the menu. It sounds like you had it at a restaurant – I dont see why theyd check with you before ordering, thats pretty standard thing to do at a restaurant! I think $250 is pretty unreasonable though. I guess if you want the money back, you can call/text her and said she forgot to pay the bill, how does she want to pay you back and see what she says.
Post # 10
That would annoy the hell out of me. I’m not sure I’d want to lose a friend over it though. Is she close enough to you for you to bring it up to her? that’s a tough situation. If it were me, I’d probably let it go, but store that in the back of my mind, and be more cautious of something similiar in future situations. I think if you want to talk to her, and let her know that you’re confused by the situation, and let her know what the tab came to, and how you’re a little baffled, that that’s fine. Just expect her to be defensive since she sounds pretty self absorbed and oblivious.
Post # 11
Horseradish : I disagree that OP messed up. For one, she wasn’t hosting. She was the guest of honor. And second, no one else was eating, that part of the event was clearly over as she was in the middle of opening presents. It should have been obvious that it was not appropriate to order $250 worth of food and not pay for it yourself.
OP – Your friend was extremely rude. I would tell her that she needs to pay you back and I would be hesitatnt to invite her to any future gatherings.
Post # 12
scissorgirl : they showed up 3 hours late and they were accounted for in the price per person and ordered an addtional 250$ worth of things how am i or my Maid/Matron of Honor in the wrong here? the invitations specifically said start time 11 end time 3 PM.. They showed up right when the party was almost over they didnt even stay for the full hour they ate and left and no one else was eating at that point…
Post # 13
Why didn’t the restaurant clear the order with the host? I am so confused by all aspects of this.
Post # 14
VintageGirl1020 : I think WestCoastV gave the best advice. Politely point out that they left without covering their bill and you would like to be refunded. I’d also make a mental note that this friend is either dense or inconsiderate and probably shouldn’t be included in future events.
Post # 15
VintageGirl1020 : I didn’t say you were in the wrong. I just said maybe they didn’t understand that there was a buffet and that other people didn’t order off the menu before they got there. I’m saying it was probably not as malicious as other bees are suggesting- just a really thoughtless mistake.
Imagine you’d never been to a party at a restaurant-only in people’s homes. So you might not think that there was a buffet option if you didn’t see it right? You’d assume you order from the menu like you do every other time you’re at a restaurant. I’m guessing that was their thought process. It was dumb and rude to bring extra guests and order expensive things, but I doubt they thought “Oh, probably everyone else ate some very specific thing that has disappeared now so I’ll take advantage and eat whatever the hell I want and stick the guest of honor with the bill!”