Post # 1
Between November to December is seriously crazy. I practically have back-to-back weddings to attend before my own (in January). My bridesmaids have been lovely to organize a weekend away as a “hens” for just the bridesmaids but have started to get a little irritated with me whenever a new wedding invite comes my way, meaning the Maid/Matron of Honor has to shift the getaway to another date each time.
We’ve finally agreed on a weekend and organised the itinerary (pickups, lunch stopovers, etc) BUT only yesterday, I find out my cousin is getting married at an out-of-town vineyard the day BEFORE our girls getaway (yes, very very short notice, they only planned it because the bride’s mother has terminal cancer).
This should be no issue for my bridesmaids as I informed them of the sudden change and said I’ll make my own way to the getaway cottage instead. First, I get silence for 2-3 days (they always reply back within the same day to my emails) and then I get a random group email from my Maid/Matron of Honor “joking” if everything is alright, as it sounds like I don’t want to go on a trip with them. How does one reply to something like that?
This isn’t the first time I’ve left feeling put on the spot…last week I just recovered from a little confrontation from one of the bridesmaids because I told them I didn’t want to give them their dresses yet as I was waiting for a seperate underslip to be ordered, which at that time, she narrowed her eyes at me and asked if I was hiding them coz they turned out ugly?!
I’ve been super stressed with finances, then my cousin asking for my help in planning an emergency wedding, as well as my own. Guess I just need to rant here as it feels like I’ve been put in an akward position to prove myself.
Opinions how to approach all this? Or am I being over sensitive?
Post # 3
@blinx: I think that if your girls spent time planning a bachelorette party and you got a wedding invite for a wedding that you didn’t know the date of in advance, you shouldn’t have changed the date of your bachelorette party. That’s just what I would have said the first time you had to change it. But I probably would have said the same thing for my cousins wedding. Sometimes people are just going to have to understand that things are already paid for and booked and there’s nothing you can do to change that and go to a wedding that you were invited to at the last minute.
However, the fact that your girls think you’re lying to them – is there a reason why? Have you lied to them before? Have things changed a lot before? Have they been in other weddings that they’ve been lied to (even just one of them)?
It’s kind of weird that they think you’re lying all the time, but there must be a reason why. Have you tried talking to them about it??
Post # 4
I am really sorry you are going through this, but I think at some point you need to honor the plans you have made with your bridesmaids, even if this means missing a wedding. I think it is awful that your cousins mom has cancer, and feel that is an unavoidable situation, but how about the other changes? Were they as dire as this one? You have to look at it from your bridesmaids point of view and realize they are planning this special trip just for you, and you if you commit to going, then you need to realize they have lives too, and these changes don’t just effect you.
Post # 5
I would respond” You know what? You’re right. From your point of view it probably does look as if I don’t want to go on a trip with you. But, you know me better than that. I simply can’t believe the number of times I have already asked for the arrangements to be changed and I do appreciate that you all have been so understanding. Despite the fact that I need to attend my cousin’s wedding, I am so committed to meeting you guys at ________ and will get myself there come ___ or high water.
I am so looking forward to a relaxed and fun weekend with my besties.
Is there any way you can get your bridal butt back home early in the morning the day after your cousin’s wedding so you can keep your original plans for rides etc?
Is there any way that you could take the dresses with you that weekend? I don’t think an underslip is reason to delay. It might go a long way to unifying the bridal party to let them see the dress asap. Have they not seen them at all yet?
Post # 6
If you already had plans with your bridesmaids, then you should honor that commitment and send your regrets for the wedding invitation. If you feel guilty about missing the wedding, then send a small gift. But you need to respect the time and energy and probably money your BMs have spent planning this for you and not back out, especially when you’ve backed out before.
Post # 7
i think in this situation it would be best to go with your original plans with your girls and skip this wedding you were invited to last minute.
Post # 8
@julies1949: Yeh its my bad they haven’t seen the final dress in person yet (well, there’s still 5 months!), only the photos and once I got their measurements.Just never had the chance and I wanted to give them everything in a properly.
I guess suspense lead to suspicion, in this case. 🙁
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort
@Loribeth: I agree with this.
You have a prior commitment.
Post # 10
My cousin’s wedding is DAY BEFORE the girls weekend…so I’ll drive back the next morning which is when the girls weekend starts. I’ll get there in the afternoon at most?
Putting myself down to stressing out and reading more into things at this stage. I guess I haven’t been excited and babbling about the wedding and my plans as they expected so it almost comes off secretive when I suddenly make a decision or inform of something, ha.
Post # 11
@julies1949: Full of awesome ideas…and definitely chilling me out about approaching the whole thing. Thanks!
Post # 12
It sounds like the problem is that this isn’t the first time that you changed the date. Personally I would be a little irritated at having to change the weekend several times and all the plans.
I agree with PPs, you should have declined the invitations that came after plans were already made. I would also try to come back the night of the cousin’s wedding to be ready to go on the Saturday morning with everyone else.
Post # 13
@Ms. Martian: Nope, I gave them a list of all my available dates. Think it may have come down to me messing up the pickup plans and bookings for the breakfast place. But you’re right…guess I’ll just have to make it up to them there and see how I can rearrange the morning.
Post # 14
@blinx: I don’t think it is because you have not been excited and babbling about the wedding that you are having problems. It is because they have already changed plans several times and they see no end to it. Although I think you should go to your cousin’s wedding, I also think you have a prior obligation to get back home early in the am at the latest so you can keep at leasy ONE set of plans you have made with these women.
It is totally understandable to me why they are getting a bit frustrated with you, given the fact that you also have the dresses and haven’t let them see them in person.
Time to start treating these people like they matter to you.