(Closed) My bridemaids think I'm lying to them!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@blinx:  I think that if your girls spent time planning a bachelorette party and you got a wedding invite for a wedding that you didn’t know the date of in advance, you shouldn’t have changed the date of your bachelorette party.  That’s just what I would have said the first time you had to change it.  But I probably would have said the same thing for my cousins wedding.  Sometimes people are just going to have to understand that things are already paid for and booked and there’s nothing you can do to change that and go to a wedding that you were invited to at the last minute.

However, the fact that your girls think you’re lying to them – is there a reason why?  Have you lied to them before? Have things changed a lot before? Have they been in other weddings that they’ve been lied to (even just one of them)?

It’s kind of weird that they think you’re lying all the time, but there must be a reason why.  Have you tried talking to them about it??

Post # 4
649 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I am really sorry you are going through this, but I think at some point you need to honor the plans you have made with your bridesmaids, even if this means missing a wedding.  I think it is awful that your cousins mom has cancer, and feel that is an unavoidable situation, but how about the other changes?  Were they as dire as this one?  You have to look at it from your bridesmaids point of view and realize they are planning this special trip just for you, and you if you commit to going, then you need to realize they have lives too, and these changes don’t just effect you.  

Post # 5
47211 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I would respond” You know what? You’re right. From your point of view it probably does look as if I don’t want to go on a trip with you. But, you know me better than that. I simply can’t believe the number of times I have already asked for the arrangements to be changed and I do appreciate that you all have been so understanding. Despite the fact that I need to attend my cousin’s wedding, I am so committed to meeting you guys at ________ and will get myself there come ___ or high water.

I am so looking forward to a relaxed and fun weekend with my besties.


 Is there any way you can get your bridal butt back home early in the morning the day after your cousin’s wedding so you can keep your original plans for rides etc?

Is there any way that you could take the dresses with you that weekend? I don’t think an underslip is reason to delay. It might go a long way to unifying the bridal party to let them see the dress asap. Have they not seen them at all yet?

Post # 6
4411 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 2010 - Savannah, GA

If you already had plans with your bridesmaids, then you should honor that commitment and send your regrets for the wedding invitation. If you feel guilty about missing the wedding, then send a small gift. But you need to respect the time and energy and probably money your BMs have spent planning this for you and not back out, especially when you’ve backed out before. 

Post # 7
470 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

i think in this situation it would be best to go with your original plans with your girls and skip this wedding you were invited to last minute.

Post # 9
7899 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012 - Pelican Grand Beach Resort

@Loribeth:  I agree with this.

You have a prior commitment.

Post # 12
2232 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

It sounds like the problem is that this isn’t the first time that you changed the date. Personally I would be a little irritated at having to change the weekend several times and all the plans. 

I agree with PPs, you should have declined the invitations that came after plans were already made. I would also try to come back the night of the cousin’s wedding to be ready to go on the Saturday morning with everyone else. 

Post # 14
47211 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@blinx:  I don’t think it is because you have not been excited and babbling about the wedding that you  are having problems. It is because they have already changed plans several times and they see no end to it. Although I think you should go to your cousin’s wedding, I also think you have a prior obligation to get back home early in the am at the latest so you can keep at leasy ONE set of plans you have made with these women.

It is totally understandable to me why they are getting a bit frustrated with you, given the fact that you also have the dresses and haven’t let them see them in person.

Time to start treating these people like they matter to you.

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