(Closed) My Bridesmaid Bailed on Me with a "Dear John" Letter….

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2477 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

Sorry to hear about that. So you don’t think she has any grounds for saying you were a horrible friend? I mean, does she really sound like she pulled everything out of her ass or do you think, well maybe I was being a grouch that one time…?

As far as the friendship with her goes, I’d try to see if there was a way to still be ok with each other. Not to keep her as a bridesmaid, but just to make sure you aren’t throwing away a friendship because one or both of you is having a bad day/week/month.

As for replacing her, I wouldn’t. I would just stick with the BMs I had.

Post # 4
1186 posts
Bumble bee

@EmilyJoy:  Oh Emily, I am so so so sorry to hear about this. It is not you. If it was, your other friends would be honest and tell you. 

People are just weird. I had a friend that I loved so much, spoiled to death, and went out with all the time. One day, she stopped returning my calls, texts. A month later, I try to call her to see what’s going on, and she told me that she hates me because I am a person that doesn’t respect myself? (????) wtf.

I bet this girl has a lot of other things going on, it’s clearly not you. 

My sister had a bridesmaid bail on her wedding too for some stupid bullshit reason, and it was 3 weeks before she got married. Our dresses were special order, so she didn’t have any other choice. I walked down the aisle with two groomsmen, lol. P.S. Since the wedding, that girl realized the error of her ways and has profusely apologised to our family, but I don’t know if my sister will ever fully forgive her.

It’s up to you. Why don’t you talk to the girl you were thinking of inviting privately, and see how she feels about it? If anything, it’s an honor to be asked to be part of someone’s wedding, whether it is before or after other people are asked to be in the wedding. 

Post # 5
7992 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2013 - UK

I don’t think you’ll get many answers to this… and here’s why.

From this post, it is very hard to unravel who is in the wrong… you or her. It might be easier to unravel if you posted the full letter. Of course, you could be right… you could well be the best bride ever, and she could be an evil witch. But it’s sort of hard to tell here, with respect to you (because I do not know you!). I feel like we’re not getting 100% of the background.

As far as getting another Bridesmaid or Best Man goes… is this relationship with your former Bridesmaid or Best Man one you think can be fixed? If so, try to fix it before replacing her. Getting a new Bridesmaid or Best Man is also like telling the new girl they’re second best. Very tough. Could you manage with one Bridesmaid or Best Man down? How many do you have now?

Post # 6
1159 posts
Bumble bee

I also feel like there are a lot of missing gaps in this story. For a bridesmaid to just pull out, well there would have to be sufficient reason to do so.

Post # 8
11272 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2012

@EmilyJoy:  if your date posted is correct, as least she told you well in advance.  obviously something you said made her feel this way.  she has every right to withdraw from your bp if she doesn’t feel close to you anymore.

i would just wait to see how you feel in a month or so to see if you really want another bm or to just keep it as is.

Post # 10
1317 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA

@EmilyJoy:  This is crazy!  I woudln’t mind seeing the letter, just because I’m nosy like that. 😉 

I’ve been in the opposite situation, sort of.  I was in a friend’s wedding last year, and during the 6 months leading up to the wedding I felt that we were growing apart, and little things she was doing were driving me crazy/making me resent her, yet I never told her how I was feeling.  I figured after the wedding we would just sort of “naturally” drift apart and lose touch.  So I stuck it out.  I didn’t want to drop out of the wedding because I felt like it would mess things up, so I stayed in the wedding party.  Which was a mistake, because now we no longer speak and she deleted me off FB.  Even though we are no longer friends, I feel bad that I’m in all her wedding photos… So at least you can look at it that way!  If she dropped the bomb on your after the wedding, you’d have to see her face every time you looked at your album.

Post # 11
2635 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

@EmilyJoy:  sorry to hear the drama happening. I also had drama, except it was my cousin and Maid/Matron of Honor…I almost kicked her (well she sorta implied she didn’t want to be in the wedding), so I just took it from there. At the end of the day I forgave her, and she was in my wedding. So things can work out, hopefully your friend comes around. 

Post # 12
2838 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2013

@EmilyJoy:  I know this might sounds wierd- but if what you’re saying is true- I bet the letter is more like reverse pshychology.  Maybe she is feeling bad about the way she acts (flakey, etc…) and then when you spoke unkindly of a friend yesterday- she used it as an opportunity?


I know- that probably sounds crazy.  But stranger things have happened.

Post # 14
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2014

@EmilyJoy:  This happened to one of my best friends. Not the Bridesmaid or Best Man part but just friendship ditching part. My friend is seriously the nicest, most genuine, kind, non bitchy person you would ever meet. And this other mutual friend of ours (I haven’t seen much of her since university so we are not close anymore, but she had maintainted the friendship) told her that she could not be around such a negative person as it was not good for her spirit. Wtf – this girl is the opposite of negative. Turns out the other friend had gotten involved with these weird spiritual people. She tried to come crawling back a number of times but my friend just can’t forget what she said and did.

Post # 15
839 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

@EmilyJoy:  I think what she did was crappy, but you constantly referring to yourself as an amazing friend and person throughout this post kind of makes me wonder the BM’s side of this. I think it’s really great that you have self esteem and coonfidence in your abilities (not enough women can say that), but I’m just wondering if maybe you are so convinced that you’re a great friend to her, that you didn’t see the BM’s side of things and that’s what led to her dropping out? 

Regardless of what might have happened on your ex-BM’s side of things I’m really sorry. It sounds like she is the type of person who can’t tell others how she feels – it’s obvious that she didn’t talk to you about problems in your friendship, and then she couldn’t even end the friendship or tell you she was dropping out of your wedding in person? Ugh. Try to comfort yourself by thinking about the great friends that you do have. 

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