- Mrs. Gremmlin
- 7 years ago
- Wedding: November 2011 - Florida Aquarium
I didn’t want to write this, but I think by internalizing, I’ve literally made myself sick.
Our wedding is just 70 of our closest friends and family. Our bridal party had three guys and three girls. My girls consisted of my very best friend and maid of honor who I’ve known since I was 11; my high school best friend, who I’ve stayed close with; and my college roommate, who I adore. I’m getting married in Florida, and everyone is flying in. My maid of honor flew out to DC a few months ago just to go dress shopping with because my mother isn’t in my life– She’s amazing. She’s in grad school and working through it. My college roommate has a three year old and another baby in her belly, due just the month before my wedding. She lives five hours away and is coming with me to my first fitting and to pick out shoes and accessories. She’s awesome as well. Since we were fourteen years old, the last bridesmaid and I have been super close. Granted, the past couple years we’ve grown apart, but it wasn’t on purpose. I asked her to be a bridesmaid probably in January. She was so excited and told me she would have no trouble taking time off work and would be so happy to stand with me. A few months go by, and she’s really distant– not returning calls or even texts. I point blank ask her what’s wrong, and she just says the typical, “I’m so busy with my job… why don’t we email because I can do that at work.” Great, sounds fantastic. …but only if you respond to said emails. Six weeks ago, I said, “Look if you don’t want to be there, I need you to tell me. Otherwise, I really need you to communicate with me.” A few days later, she emails me that she’s going through some financially difficult times and doesn’t know if she can come. No apology in that email. I thanked her for being honest and just told her to keep me posted. Fast forward to July, I’m finalizing plans with the stylist and and my two other girls’ dresses come in, and I reach out to her to see how things are going– not even wedding related. She doesn’t respond. I email her again the next week, really trying to see if she’s okay. Still nothing. So five days later I email her again because I’m about to sign a contract and I need to know how many girls the stylist is going to do. She finally emails me back, telling me she just can’t do it. Sure, she could use some savings and put the rest on a credit card, but she “just can’t take that risk.” She’s had 8 months to save for this, and literally, all I’m asking is that she buy the dress ($160) and show up for the rehearsal and the wedding. I’m not having a bridal shower or some crazy bachelorette. My friends and I are even sharing a suite to cut the hotel costs. But she couldn’t “take the risk” to stand by me on my wedding day. I would have done anything to be there for her– seriously, sell my guitar or just use a credit card. Money replenishes, but this was the last straw for our friendship. She’s let me down in the past, and I was SO certain she wouldn’t on my wedding day. Both Maid/Matron of Honor and Fiance predicted she’d bail, but I put my blinders on because I truly believed she would be there for me. I told my dad, and he said that he was a surprised she’d bail on my wedding day… and then he followed it with, “but she hasn’t always been dependable.” My Maid/Matron of Honor was really understanding and tried to comfort me, but my Fiance became incensed– which was not what I needed.
This is my wedding day. How could someone who really cares about you decide you’re not worth it? I’m so hurt. She said that if things changed and she could fly down, she’d some if I wanted her to. I couldn’t even bring myself to say “of course I want you there” because that sets my expectation that she’ll at least be there. And when she doesn’t show up, I’d be even more crushed. So now I’ll have my wedding pictures to remember how much of a friend she is.
I was momentarily concerned about having an uneven wedding party, but then I realized I really didn’t care. I’m not going to replace her– it’s three months to my wedding, and I feel that would be really disrepectful.
I had a moment of clarity last night, once I had convinced Fiance I just needed him to be supportive me, not angry at her, when I brought it to light that all that matters on November 19 is that he and I are committing our lives to each other. Not a damn thing other than that matters. (the ironic thing is that we’re heading to the JOP beforehand to make it legal, so really, this whole wedding show is for the family…and the penguins. . My brother is marrying us, and I don’t want anything to go wrong from a legal standpoint.)
I’m lucky to my two ladies in my life. And really… this means I can spoil them a bit more. (I’m paying for hair/makeup/nails…)
Everything happens for a reason, and I think I’m just supposed to let go of ex-bridesmaid. I was hoping she would at least call… but nothing.
Thank you for reading this. No advice needed… hopefully I won’t feel so sick anymore.
To brighten the day… I give you one of my adorable ferrets, Tiberius, sleeping after a long night of partying…