My bridesmaid booked her wedding two weeks before mine!

posted 8 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3176 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

I can’t imagine doing that either! Geez! I would just explain to her that while you would absolutely love to be there for her, you simply can’t. I really think she should understand that. She made the decision knowing the situation so she should understand any problems.

Post # 4
Member
8 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2011

I think you need to tell your friend just what you told us. If she is your true friend then she would understand where you are coming from. I am not sure how close of a relationship you have with her. If it was my bestfriend, I would sacrifice flying across the country to be at her wedding. You could always fly in the day before the wedding and leave the day after. Yes, I know this is really too much… bu,t you have to decide how much you can truly handle. I am so sorry that you have to make this decision. Just remember, she is the one who just booked her wedding right before yours and she has to be somewhat understanding if you can’t attend. Good luck!!!

Post # 6
Member
169 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

You know I had a friend who did this too.  But I am not in the wedding party.  He is upset that I am not coming two weeks before my wedding to his 400 person wedding.  Poop on that. 

That stinks so much more for you though that you are each other’s bridesmaids… man… no advice for you here except I would be mad too. 

Post # 7
Member
2015 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Ugh, I’m so sorry.

Hey, we had to skip a groomsman’s wedding because it was a few weeks before ours, and extensive travel would have been required. We told him we just couldn’t do it, and lots of drama ensued, and well, this groomsmen and my husband are no longer speaking, and they were good friends. It was so weird. We did nothing wrong, we just simply couldn’t afford a flight and hotel rooms and a tux three weeks before our own wedding, nor could we get any more time off work.

We would have been totally okay with his wedding being 2 or more months before ours, or shortly after, but three weeks before is when all our final payments were due, and we were beyond strapped for cash.

Some people just don’t understand!

If it had been a local wedding, no problem, of course! I think in this kind of situation, brides will get pegged as being selfish, which is just not the case. It’s a logistical/financial reason. I would never schedule my wedding so close to a family member’s for friend’s if I already agreed to be in their wedding!

Post # 9
Member
1 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: March 2012

You are a much better friend than I am! My maid of honor all of a sudden scheduled her wedding 5 days after mine (they just got engaged, while we have had our date for the past 3 months(, and I am her maid of honor.  All would be fine, if my wedding wasn’t in Europe and I am getting back a day before her wedding. I am so upset and so stressed! To make things worse she is choosing the same wedding colors, theme and flowers as I am.  I know that it shouldn’t matter since we don’t have the same people attending, but it is just too stressful! Between planning your own wedding, planning her bridal shower and other fun stuff for her, I have to plan my wedding. I can’t even imagine paying for all the things related to her wedding and covering my own wedding expenses. She says she doesn’t want the bachelorette party and the bridal shower, but I still want to do all those things for her…. I can’t decide if I am being immature and selfish, but I just can’t help it but being upset. 

Post # 10
Member
2657 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I would be upset. But I would just tell her the truth like you did. 

Post # 11
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Originally my bestie and I had chosen the same date. Yeowch but we both immediately nixed it and now were three weeks apart. Were both keeping it rather local for us so no biggie. No harm no foul and we had a good laugh about it

Post # 11
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Originally my bestie and I had chosen the same date. Yeowch but we both immediately nixed it and now were three weeks apart. Were both keeping it rather local for us so no biggie. No harm no foul and we had a good laugh about it

Post # 13
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I just want to say, your post struck a cord.  My “Best Friend” and I are no longer friends due to a similar circumstance, but my story is a little worse.

   My Husband and I, whom already had a two year old before getting married, were recently married on 5/4/13.  My Best friend (also supposed to be my Bridesmaid) who got engaged 6 months after me, wound up booking her wedding in MEXICO (where we were Honeymooning), three weeks before our wedding.  Bear in mind, her now Husband is my Neighbor, I intorduced the two of them, so they live across the street.

   At first, I was so excited when she got engaged.  She asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, I was honored.  Months and months passed by, after we already booked our wedding, and she drops the bomb that she booked her wedding exactly three weeks before mine, in Mexico (like I said before, this is where we had our honeymoon).  I tried to take it in stride, but on the inside I was upset.  I tastefully declined being in her wedding, knowing we couldn’t financially do it, we couldn’t get the extra time off work when we needed time off for our own wedding and honeymoon, and we have a small child.  She seemed disappointed, but said she understood.  I told her if she couldn’t be a Bridesmaid in my wedding, I would understand.  She insisted she was still in. 

     Everything was OK for the months leading up to our weddings, until she started to bail on me.  Long story short, she wound up screweing me with my Bridesmaids dresses by failing to put her deposit in or going to get measured.  We couldn’t put the order in until ALL the girls deposits and measurements were in, and I waited for her.  This caused me to pay $90 extra per dress to have the other 7 dresses rushed and left my Bridesmaids to scramble from long distances to get altered and have the dresses ready by the wedding day. 

     Back to my “friend”.  My Maid/Matron of Honor started arranging my bachelorette party.  My “best friend” acted very exited and even asked us to make it early (not her wedding weekend) so she can come.  So my Maid/Matron of Honor booked the party (6 weeks before my wedding, per the previous request) and gave a deposit.  My Maid/Matron of Honor sent a group message to all the BMs to confirm final head count and then “best friend” sent a group message saying, “sorry, I can’t make it :(“.  No attempt to reach out to me directly, and no explanation.  She actually backed out’ve my bachelorette party, in a group message.  This left me to have to text her to see what the deal was, because at this point, she still had not done or said anything about the dress either!

     she wound up giving me the hint that she was dropping out’ve the bridal party because she was “broke and had too much on her plate”….WELL, understandable.  I mean, you did booke your wedding three weeks before mine, in another country!  Anyway, fine.  I said once again, I understood. 

    I then receive an email shortly after from the person planning HER bachelorette party, asking me to attend.  At this point…there was no way in hell I was paying to go on her’s when she now dropped out’ve my bridal party and bachelorette party, asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor thenbooked her wedding three weeks before mine in my honeymoon destination, and screwed me over with having to pay to rush my girls dresses .  Hey, I was strapped for cash too!!  I sent her an email, and in a mature way, told her how I felt.  She came back very defensive and sarcastic, and actually victimized herself.

     At that point, My Mother had already sent out my Bridal Shower invites, so she had already gotten it.  She texted ME last minute that, surprise surprise, she couldn’t come because her Fiance’s Brother was taking them on a trip that weekend (why was she responding to the RSVP to me?  My Mother was giving the shower.  Had it been a surprise, the surprise would surely have been ruined).  My response was “GREAT, HAVE A BLAST”.  I had nothing to say, I was done.  The kicker is, the trip was postponed, yet she still didn’t attempt to attend my bridal shower or call.  She gave a $100 gift towards my registry which in all honesty, insulted me and was a cop out.

    By this time I was sending my wedding invites out, and we did not invite them.  Sad a friendship that was like a “sisterhood” went down the drain because someone’s selfishness and what I believe to be spite and jealousy.  I was proud to have introduced them, and now feel kicked in the gut and don’t thing highly of this girl at all.  Not to mention, I avoid seeing her at all costs even though they live across the street!  The real funny part is, my Husband and her’s go to the gym together everynight, so things do get awkward! 

    I do undertsnad where you’re coming from.  Hopefully in your case, your friend has no ill intentions!

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/what-do-you-do-if-your-bm-plans-her-wedding-right-before-yours-long/page/2#ixzz2a4s2AVjD

Post # 14
Member
5 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2013

@arenyth and @miss chapstick

I just want to say, your post struck a cord.  My “Best Friend” and I are no longer friends due to a similar circumstance, but my story is a little worse.

   My Husband and I, whom already had a two year old before getting married, were recently married on 5/4/13.  My Best friend (also supposed to be my Bridesmaid) who got engaged 6 months after me, wound up booking her wedding in MEXICO (where we were Honeymooning), three weeks before our wedding.  Bear in mind, her now Husband is my Neighbor, I intorduced the two of them, so they live across the street.

   At first, I was so excited when she got engaged.  She asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor, I was honored.  Months and months passed by, after we already booked our wedding, and she drops the bomb that she booked her wedding exactly three weeks before mine, in Mexico (like I said before, this is where we had our honeymoon).  I tried to take it in stride, but on the inside I was upset.  I tastefully declined being in her wedding, knowing we couldn’t financially do it, we couldn’t get the extra time off work when we needed time off for our own wedding and honeymoon, and we have a small child.  She seemed disappointed, but said she understood.  I told her if she couldn’t be a Bridesmaid in my wedding, I would understand.  She insisted she was still in. 

     Everything was OK for the months leading up to our weddings, until she started to bail on me.  Long story short, she wound up screweing me with my Bridesmaids dresses by failing to put her deposit in or going to get measured.  We couldn’t put the order in until ALL the girls deposits and measurements were in, and I waited for her.  This caused me to pay $90 extra per dress to have the other 7 dresses rushed and left my Bridesmaids to scramble from long distances to get altered and have the dresses ready by the wedding day. 

     Back to my “friend”.  My Maid/Matron of Honor started arranging my bachelorette party.  My “best friend” acted very exited and even asked us to make it early (not her wedding weekend) so she can come.  So my Maid/Matron of Honor booked the party (6 weeks before my wedding, per the previous request) and gave a deposit.  My Maid/Matron of Honor sent a group message to all the BMs to confirm final head count and then “best friend” sent a group message saying, “sorry, I can’t make it :(“.  No attempt to reach out to me directly, and no explanation.  She actually backed out’ve my bachelorette party, in a group message.  This left me to have to text her to see what the deal was, because at this point, she still had not done or said anything about the dress either!

     she wound up giving me the hint that she was dropping out’ve the bridal party because she was “broke and had too much on her plate”….WELL, understandable.  I mean, you did booke your wedding three weeks before mine, in another country!  Anyway, fine.  I said once again, I understood. 

    I then receive an email shortly after from the person planning HER bachelorette party, asking me to attend.  At this point…there was no way in hell I was paying to go on her’s when she now dropped out’ve my bridal party and bachelorette party, asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor thenbooked her wedding three weeks before mine in my honeymoon destination, and screwed me over with having to pay to rush my girls dresses .  Hey, I was strapped for cash too!!  I sent her an email, and in a mature way, told her how I felt.  She came back very defensive and sarcastic, and actually victimized herself.

     At that point, My Mother had already sent out my Bridal Shower invites, so she had already gotten it.  She texted ME last minute that, surprise surprise, she couldn’t come because her Fiance’s Brother was taking them on a trip that weekend (why was she responding to the RSVP to me?  My Mother was giving the shower.  Had it been a surprise, the surprise would surely have been ruined).  My response was “GREAT, HAVE A BLAST”.  I had nothing to say, I was done.  The kicker is, the trip was postponed, yet she still didn’t attempt to attend my bridal shower or call.  She gave a $100 gift towards my registry which in all honesty, insulted me and was a cop out.

    By this time I was sending my wedding invites out, and we did not invite them.  Sad a friendship that was like a “sisterhood” went down the drain because someone’s selfishness and what I believe to be spite and jealousy.  I was proud to have introduced them, and now feel kicked in the gut and don’t thing highly of this girl at all.  Not to mention, I avoid seeing her at all costs even though they live across the street!  The real funny part is, my Husband and her’s go to the gym together everynight, so things do get awkward! 

    I do undertsnad where you’re coming from.  Hopefully in your case, your friend has no ill intentions!

 

Post # 14
Member
3 posts
Wannabee
  • Wedding: June 2015

 

kalskdjf

Post # 15
Member
3707 posts
Sugar bee

arenyth :  That’s a lot of time off right before your own wedding. Not to mention cost. I personally wouldn’t even have enough vacation time for that. I think she’s going to get a lot of no responses. That would stress me out too right before. How much notice is she giving people? I think you’re safe to say no. 

 

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