(Closed) My Bridesmaid doesn’t seem fully in it and I don’t think she wants to be one?

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
607 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@Zzz:  This is tough.  It sounds like you have approached it in completely the right way thus far.  So based on what she told you, it sounds like at this point she’s planning to be one.  I would not wait on any more wishy washy-ness from her to order your dresses.  Schedule a time to sit down with her and mention that you are ready to order the dresses so give her one last opt out.  If she orders one and pays then she is in.  She may end up backing out if it gets to be too much for her, I don’t know the situation or how she is emotionally so not sure if that is a large possibility, but it’s always a possibility with these things.  Regardless of her though, you could ask your other friend to be a bridesmaid.  It sounds like she is close to you and really excited about the wedding, and all of us brides needs someone like that who is totally gung ho!  You may end up with one extra bridesmaid than groomsman if your other friend decides to stick with it, but who cares?  The important thing is that you have the people there for you on your day who are your close friends and will help to make sure everything runs smoothly.  It sounds like your non-bridesmaid friend fits the bill for that and you both would be happy making her a more formal part of the day.  I have one more bridesmaid than my fiance does groomsman.  He could have picked one more guy, but we decided that it was more important to have the folks we were really close with up there, instead of inviting another person to be part of the bridal party for the sake of symmetry in some pictures.  Good luck whatever you do!  It really sounds like you are approaching it well and being very sympathetic, you’re a good friend (and calm bride!).

Post # 4
5472 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

Let her back out if she wants, but I wouldn’t suggest it.  And if she does step down, don’t replace her.  It will make her replacement feel like, well, a replacement.  Just go with uneven sides if that’s what happens.

Post # 5
867 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

I wouldn’t pressure her about it.  Chances are something is going on in her own life.  Just be a good friend and see how it goes.  The more you bring it up the more resentful she will get.

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