Post # 1
I have been very keen on the idea of mismatched bridesmaids dresses from the start. I visited my Maid of Honour a while ago (both BMs live very far from me) and we went dress shopping. We were mainly looking for dresses for me at the time, but she tried on about 4 dresses, and had a clear favourite out of the 4.
I have now introduced the idea that she pick her own dress and not be constrained by picking from a bridesmaids dress collection, basically I have offered a budget that I will pay and said she can pick anything as long as its long and within my fairly broad colour scheme. She has excellent taste and has always been a lot more fashionable than me so I was really excited to see what she would find, thinking she wouldvisit little boutique stores in her area and find something very individual.
She has chosen the dress she tried on in the bridesmaids store..and made the decision very quickly. Dont get me wrong the dress is fine and fits her very well but its a bit boring, and bridesmaidy and I really wanted to let the girls be individuals. I am not sure whether its because she doesnt fully understand that she can wear anything and is trying to find something she thinks I would like.
How can I tell her she need to look harder and find something better?
Or should I revoke the right to pick her own dress and pick for her?
Or should I shut up and just let her pick that?!
And as a side note, has anyone done the mismatching look with just two BM’s? I know when you see three or more it looks great but with just two would it look strange?
Post # 3
@November2013: You told her to pick whatever she liked…..she picked whatever she liked!!!
You cant undo it..without probably getting her really P.O’d!!!!
If it looks ok and fits her well…i’d just go with it and maybe tell your other bridesmaid to pick more bridesmaid type dresses too. That way it kind of themes up…it would probably look a little odd to have someone in a bridesmaid style dress and have someone else in a cocktail dress and then another Bridesmaid or Best Man in a fun little number!!
Post # 4
If you give your birdesmaids the opportunity to select their own dress…. you are opening the possibility of having ugly bm dresses at your wedding.
If it is a problem for you now, select a dress that all bm will wear.
I guess you brought this upon yourself lol
Post # 5
Unfortunately, you told her to pick her dress, and that’s just what she’s done. Now you have to deal.
As for mismatched dresses with two BMs – personally, I think it will look strange, but I’m not a fan of this look at all to begin with!
Post # 6
I think that since you gave her the freedom to pick her own dress, you have to accept whatever she purchased, as long as it follows the guidelines you set. I don’t think you can tell people to pick whatever dress they want, then say “wait that isn’t what I had in mind.”
Did she already buy it? Or did she tell you she is going to buy it? If she hasnt bought it yet, maybe you can remind her that she has true freedom and doesn’t have to go with a traditional bridesmaid dress if she doesn’t want to — she is welcome to find something that she thinks she would wear again. But if she already bought it, don’t bring it up.
Post # 7
You gave her the option, and she picked out something that was within budget and that she liked. I wouldn’t revoke that at this point. That would be really callous.
Post # 8
@KHR20507: Thank you, Thats what I really want to tell her, that she has more freedom. I just dont want her to feel she has to pick a bridesmaidy dress, I want her to reflect her personality and the dress she has picked doesnt really do that.
But I appreciate what everyone else is saying also, I did bring it on myself. I just really didnt expect her to pick a dress like that and I think she is doing it for my benefit, thinking that that is what I want.
There has been no purchase yet so I think I might mention that the other Bridesmaid or Best Man is looking at alternative stores/dresses so that it makes it clear that that is OK?
Post # 9
@November2013: I think that is definitely fine to tell her. She may not have realized how much freedom she has which is why she picked a traditional bridesmaid dress. But if she tells you that she really likes the dress she that showed you and wants to go with that one, then let it go.
Post # 10
“basically I have offered a budget that I will pay and said she can pick anything as long as its long and within my fairly broad colour scheme.”
She picked what she wanted.
You allowed her to do so.
Deal with it.
If you did not want her to have X dress or Y style, you should have told her.
Post # 11
“…thinking she wouldvisit little boutique stores in her area and find something very individual”
She did choose something individual. Unfortunately, you feel it’s boring.
Can she wear a sash or a pashmina? A decorative flower?
I understand this may not have fit your expectations but may I ask why you are worried it’s boring? You understand most brides worry someone is upstaging her? It’s likely when she gets all made up and it comes together, it will all be ok. I’m positive you will just be excited she’s there for you on your big day. 🙂
Post # 12
Thanks for all the comments, I ended up showing her the dress the other Bridesmaid or Best Man had picked and we all agreed the two dresses didnt really go together due to style. So both BM’s were happy to look again and change their selection. This time I found about 15 styles I liked and that all went well together and gave them the option to pick the style and a choice of three colours.
They both picked the same dress and the same colour!!
Ah well, so much for mismatched BM’s but on the plus side (and its a huge plus) I LOVE the dress they have chosen now.