Post # 1
I have 4 bridesmaids, one of them already married. She just had her wedding a little less than a year ago and when i asked her to be a bridesmaid i thought she would be soo helpful! My budget is just enough to have a wedding, without all of the extra things i wish i could do! When i start to talk to her about bridesmaid dresses, hair and makeup for herself she makes comments like “well i only made my girls pay for their dresses, i had their hair and makeup done!” or “You can only ask the bridesmaids to get their hair and makeup done, but they dont have to!”
Just as a side note I did the makeup for all her, her girls, mothers and coordinater (8 girls!) for free! If she had paid for my services it would have cost her well over $300! I just dont know what to do about picking a dress in her budget (She thinks $180 is alot! thats what her girls paid!) and if i should get their makeup and hair done now as part of their gifts! I feel horrible asking her to pay for the dress that i want ($200).. and im trying to find something else now :/
Suggestions on how to deal with this? Anything you would say? I just dont want to lose a friendship over this!
*As another side note- I offered for them to do their own hair and makeup, but this particular girl cannot do ANYTHING with her hair or makeup, she just doesnt know how. I am scared come the day of the wedding she will be relying on my to do it! I also told them to wear whatever shoes they wanted.
Post # 3
@liveinlove0827: I agree with her..unless you are paying for makeup or hair I wouldnt force them to have this service since they can do both on their own anyway.
Post # 4
She’s right. If you want hair/makeup, special shoes/jewelry then you need to pay. She only needs to buy the dress. You should ask all your BM’s their budget for the dress (privately) and stick to the budget. Maybe $200 IS too much for her to spend.
Post # 5
I would ask her what her budget is and I will shoulder the difference. Better yet, (if you can), just shoulder the whole dress for her to stop the issue. I don’t think the other girls need to know you’re paying part of her dress.
Post # 6
Thats how i felt at first, i told them they could do whatever hair style and makeup they wanted and whatever shoes she wants, and they could do it themselves too. But this particular girl cannot do ANYTHING with her hair or makeup.. she always has me do it. She just doesnt know how. Hair is $30, and makeup is $50.. After i provided all my services to her for free at her wedding, i felt like this was such a small thing she could do for mine in return!
Post # 7
If the dress she chose for her girls was $180 and the one you want is $200, I would subsidize her dress by $20.
Post # 8
I also agree with her if you are not paying they can do whatever they want with it.
Post # 9
I agree with her also, I am buying my girls dresses and it is optional if they want to gettheir hair and makeup done. I might pay half for them to get their hair and makeup done if it is in the budget later.
I would probably choose to get my hair done myself but not makeup, I would be annoyed if I was forced to do either……and $180 to me is a lot for anything, especially a dress I will wear once and probably don’t even love
Post # 10
If you chose to do her bridal party’s hair and makeup for free, that was a gift and you shouldn’t compare your voluntary gift to her as being “even” with your request for her to spend her own money for you. Now, if she ASKED you to do her party’s hair and makeup for free, that’s another thing. But even if she asked you to do it and you never worked out a price and you just decided it would be free, then that was a gift. And gifts should never be given with the expectation that you will get something in return.
Post # 11
Luckily, you have a little bit of time. You offered a service to her for free, and it’s possible that if she could do that same service for you than she would but it’s not in her skill set. If you had not done it for her, she could have just not made you guys wear makeup.
She actually is helping you here, by pointing out what’s in this infographic that is fantastic and you probably don’t need but I love it so much: http://www.mint.com/blog/trends/not-maid-of-money-the-burden-of-being-a-bridesmaid/
I’m not saying you’re being unreasonable, it’s just worth listening to her to see if her concerns are valid. As PPs said, if you want them to get hair, makeup, certain accessories, etc. then it is up to you to pay. If you tell her you can’t afford to do the hair and makeup but understand if that means that she and the others may not be able to get it done, I’m sure she’ll understand. If not, she’s kind of a brat.
You can find a cheaper dress or offer to pay for part of just hers, you could tell them to do their own makeup if they want to wear makeup and put up their own hair, or that they have the option of paying to get it done, you can do…quite a bit to save your friendship.
Post # 12
i was annoyed my sister insisted I do my hair and make up for her wedding. I couldn’t afford any of it. I told her NO and that I would look great on her wedding day. One of the first things she said to me with a smile was ” Hey! you were right you do look good!” lol! Well it seems annoying that after you have done her makeup so many times she is being finicky about the dress. I like the idea of PP, ask her her budget and then pay the difference to get the dress you want.
Post # 13
i may be the odd ball out here, but i dont agree that you should pay for half or some of her dress. you shouldnt have to pick a dress that you are not in love with for a bridesmaids dress and they should wear what you pick out. when you ask someone to become your bridesmaid, they know its not completely cheap. especially her knowing that since she just had her wedding. i believe that its your wedding and they should wear whatever you pick out. $200 is a bit expensive (but just a little over the average price of a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress), but thats where i come in by saying that i dont agree that you should make them get their hair and makeup done professionally, but suggest that you would prefer them to do so. I told all of my bridesmaids that they can do their hair themselves or get it done with me as a group, but set some guidelines. my only request was that it was not worn all down and to have it completely out of their face. and as far as makeup.. really it looks the same if i were to do it myself. and same goes with jewelry. they should be able to wear what they already have (if any at all) unless you are paying for that part.
Post # 14
@fishbone- I understand that, and she did ask me to do it. But she asked me to do hers alone, and when i arrived everyone was waiting for me to do theirs. I ended up going to her wedding with no makeup on myself because i didnt leave enough time.
@missloveknot- I was considering that as a part of their gifts.. maybe place a little card in their bags that states that i am paying for their hair?
I’ve already purchased their gifts though, ive spent about $150 a girl already.. so if i did their hair as well it would be around $200 a girl.
Post # 15
I think you have compromised alot this is your wedding and you should have it the way YOU want it,yes you need to take in consideration the budgets of your girls but they are signing up to be a part of your day as well and if it was me I wouldnt be paying for her dress if she cant afford to be a part of your bridal party and the duties that it comes with then she can just be a guest or maybe a usher or something
Post # 16
If you aren’t going to pay for their hair and makeup, then it should be optional for them. That way if they don’t have the extra money to pay for it, they can do their own. The bridesmaids should only be responsible for their dresses.