(Closed) My bridesmaid is making me feel horrible about making her pay!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

@liveinlove0827:  I agree with her..unless you are paying for makeup or hair I wouldnt force them to have this service since they can do both on their own anyway. 

Post # 4
Member
871 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

She’s right. If you want hair/makeup, special shoes/jewelry then you need to pay. She only needs to buy the dress. You should ask all your BM’s their budget for the dress (privately) and stick to the budget. Maybe $200 IS too much for her to spend.

Post # 5
Member
29 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: January 2013

I would ask her what her budget is and I will shoulder the difference. Better yet, (if you can), just shoulder the whole dress for her to stop the issue. I don’t think the other girls need to know you’re paying part of her dress.

Post # 7
Member
46324 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

If the dress she chose for her girls was $180 and the one you want is $200, I would subsidize her dress by $20.

Post # 8
Member
1735 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I also agree with her if you are not paying they can do whatever they want with it.

Post # 9
Member
915 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I agree with her also, I am buying my girls dresses and it is optional if they want to gettheir hair and makeup done. I might pay half for them to get their hair and makeup done if it is in the budget later. 

I would probably choose to get my hair done myself but not makeup, I would be annoyed if I was forced to do either……and $180 to me is a lot for anything, especially a dress I will wear once and probably don’t even love 

Post # 10
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

If you chose to do her bridal party’s hair and makeup for free, that was a gift and you shouldn’t compare your voluntary gift to her as being “even” with your request for her to spend her own money for you.  Now, if she ASKED you to do her party’s hair and makeup for free, that’s another thing. But even if she asked you to do it and you never worked out a price and you just decided it would be free, then that was a gift. And gifts should never be given with the expectation that you will get something in return.

Post # 11
Member
804 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Luckily, you have a little bit of time.  You offered a service to her for free, and it’s possible that if she could do that same service for you than she would but it’s not in her skill set.  If you had not done it for her, she could have just not made you guys wear makeup.

She actually is helping you here, by pointing out what’s in this infographic that is fantastic and you probably don’t need but I love it so much: http://www.mint.com/blog/trends/not-maid-of-money-the-burden-of-being-a-bridesmaid/

I’m not saying you’re being unreasonable, it’s just worth listening to her to see if her concerns are valid.  As PPs said, if you want them to get hair, makeup, certain accessories, etc. then it is up to you to pay.  If you tell her you can’t afford to do the hair and makeup but understand if that means that she and the others may not be able to get it done, I’m sure she’ll understand.  If not, she’s kind of a brat.

You can find a cheaper dress or offer to pay for part of just hers, you could tell them to do their own makeup if they want to wear makeup and put up their own hair, or that they have the option of paying to get it done, you can do…quite a bit to save your friendship.   

Post # 12
Member
1697 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

i was annoyed my sister insisted I do my hair and make up for her wedding. I couldn’t afford any of it. I told her NO and that I would look great on her wedding day. One of the first things she said to me with a smile was ” Hey! you were right you do look good!” lol! Well it seems annoying that after you have done her makeup so many times she is being finicky about the dress. I like the idea of PP, ask her her budget and then pay the difference to get the dress you want.

Post # 13
Member
190 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

i may be the odd ball out here, but i dont agree that you should pay for half or some of her dress. you shouldnt have to pick a dress that you are not in love with for a bridesmaids dress and they should wear what you pick out. when you ask someone to become your bridesmaid, they know its not completely cheap. especially her knowing that since she just had her wedding. i believe that its your wedding and they should wear whatever you pick out. $200 is a bit expensive (but just a little over the average price of a Bridesmaid or Best Man dress), but thats where i come in by saying that i dont agree that you should make them get their hair and makeup done professionally, but suggest that you would prefer them to do so. I told all of my bridesmaids that they can do their hair themselves or get it done with me as a group, but set some guidelines. my only request was that it was not worn all down and to have it completely out of their face. and as far as makeup.. really it looks the same if i were to do it myself. and same goes with jewelry. they should be able to wear what they already have (if any at all) unless you are paying for that part.

Post # 15
Member
107 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you have compromised alot this is your wedding and you should have it the way YOU want it,yes you need to take in consideration the budgets of your girls but they are signing up to be a part of your day as well and if it was me I wouldnt be paying for her dress if she cant afford to be a part of your bridal party and the duties that it comes with then she can just be a guest or maybe a usher or something

Post # 16
Member
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

If you aren’t going to pay for their hair and makeup, then it should be optional for them.  That way if they don’t have the extra money to pay for it, they can do their own.  The bridesmaids should only be responsible for their dresses.

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