(Closed) My bridesmaid wants to change into another dress…

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 31
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: September 2016

She has agreed to keep the dress on until 9 or 10, so bear in mind that most of the time even pictured of people on the dance floor are finished being taken by then.   She’s accommodated you and your day by wearing the dress despite her completely legitimate discomfort.   Even though it’s “your day” the reception is to honor the guests who are there to support you… She’s still a guest and I think this is a very reasonable compromise to make for her. If it really bothers you that much you could reach out to the photographer and request that no pictures are taken of her after after she has changed (I think this is a little drastic, but if it bothers you this much it could be a good work around.   Or request that the second dress is the same color as the bridesmaid dress?)   At a certain point the reception is just a celebration and the duties of the Bridal party are over, they’re there to have fun and she’s made it clear she can not enjoy herself in a dress she feels over exposed in.   You love her enough to have her in your bridal party and consider her a friend, extend that concern to *her enjoyment of “your day” as well!    

Post # 32
Hostess
9047 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: Dorset, UK

Why on earth would you a) get a dress that she was not comfortable in and b) not understand why she may want to change out of it?!?!!? A true friend would never do that. Regardless of “their special day” ugh.

Post # 33
Member
250 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2016

Think of your relationship once this night is over.  This is just a day, it’s not going to affect it whatsoever to let her change.

Post # 34
Member
819 posts
Busy bee

 She should absolutely be allowed to change, especially if the dress she changes into is in a similar color scheme as your wedding colors. Let the girl be comfortable.

Post # 35
Member
634 posts
Busy bee

One of my bridesmaids asked if she could change, it was about 9pm I think.

I was drunk, I didn’t care.  You’ll be too busy enjoying yourself to worry about it, let it go.

Post # 36
Member
828 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2017

At first I thought, “What!? That’s so rude of her!” but the PPs changed my mind. Unless she’s asking to change into pajamas, or a sequined ballgown, or some other clearly attention grabby BS, let her be comfortable. 

Post # 37
Member
4229 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Hotel Ballroom

I’d be mildly annoyed, but I’d let her change. At that point in the evening it doesn’t really matter anyways.

Post # 38
Member
455 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2016 - Hunting Hill Mansion

I don’t think you’re being “unreasonable” or “selfish” or any of the other extremes PPs have suggested. That’s a little harsh! I wouldn’t want my Bridesmaid or Best Man to change either. But regardless, I do think that just because you don’t *want* to doesn’t mean you *shouldn’t.*

i think it’s less reasonable to “force” her to be uncomfortable. She’s “sucking it up” (or in rather lol) to wear the dress you chose for the ceremony and photos, now it’s time for you to do the same. I can guarantee your guests will hardly notice and even if they do, they won’t care. You’ll be too busy with your new husband to worry about it! 

I like the idea of the same color family. Just tell her that you understand, you don’t want her to be uncomfortable, thank her for wearing the dress you chose and being a part of your wedding then you can maybe send her some suggestions to change into so she gets the idea that you want the same color, but don’t push it. That way she knows you are being supportive (Check out this dress, this looks super comfy! Maybe this will work for you!) 

I am having an after-party at the hotel bar for our out of towners/bridal party to keep the party going after 9:30pm, and all my girls will be changing ASAP for comfort I am sure. I know I will be!

Post # 39
Member
88 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: June 2016

I understand your preference for her to stay in the dress. But if she is that uncomfortable, let her change. 

Post # 40
Member
606 posts
Busy bee

lisa8 :  Coming from someone who has had a breast reduction….. She is not being selfish and it will save YOU embarrassment of the dress fully exposing her on the dance floor. Also, material is everything…..before my surgery my dresses had to be cotton and have padding in the boobs for extra support if it didn’t by the end of the night my back killed and my shoulders were numb from lack of support and no, if you have big boobs bras are only the beginning of your support system.

The way I see it bridesmaids are supposed to help you host and get people dancing and enjoying themselves. If she is afraid of a nip slip I think it’s fair to let it go. Start learning the pick your battles for marriage now. 😉

As a suggestion…..say “I am having a hard time accepting that you want to change but I understand you also have to be comfortable. Could the dress at least be in a similar colour?”

Post # 41
Member
1604 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I would say, let her change.  I feel for her, I would not want my breasts exposed.  I wish you would give us a picture of the dress, maybe she could put a chemise, or somthing under it? 

Post # 42
Member
7882 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I don’t see why it matters if the pictures are done by that point. I’d hope you’d want her to be comfortable.

Post # 43
Member
449 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

You’re being unreasonable. If she wears the dress for the ceremony and pictures, but is too uncomfortable with her cleavage bouncing around to dance in it, why does it matter? As a fellow busty lady (DD), I think this sounds like a GREAT idea. If your bridesmaids want to kick off their shoes or change into flipflops, that should be an option, too – so why not dress?

Post # 44
Member
1687 posts
Bumble bee

I don’t think you are being totally unreasonable as some bees are suggesting. However, I urge you to pick your battles or else you will let minor things get to you and ruin your wedding experience.

I would just ask her to make sure all formal photos are taken care of before she changes and leave it at that. If she was having issues with the dress covering enough, she should have brought that to your attention sooner and you both maybe could have figured something out then.

Maybe suggest she get a dress that looks similar in color that way it’s not totally noticeable that she changed. 

Either way, she’s an adult and if she wants to change closthes/leave early/sit down and not dance all night that is up to her. Chances are the pics later in the night won’t be focusing on your bridal party but more on you and your guests having fun.

Post # 45
Member
10090 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

Let her change. She obviously is uncomfortable in the dress and is trying to be a team player. Your pictures will be done, who cares?

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