(Closed) My bridesmaid wont hem her dress!

posted 10 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

Maybe she can’t afford to have it hemmed? Last time I was a bridesmaid, it cost me more to have my dress altered than the dress cost. If you offer to split the alterations with her, maybe she’ll reconsider.  Or maybe someone’s mother or grandmother can do the alterations, someone who knows how to sew?

If her dress is long (which it seems like in your post) nobody will be able to see anything but the toes of her shoes anyways so I’m not sure why it matters whether she wears heels or boots. Though I do think its odd that she wants to wear boots with a formal dress? Are the other BMs all getting the same shoes?

And I’ve never gotten a dress steamed for a wedding I was in. 

Post # 4
2714 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Okay, I’m 5′ so I know how long these dresses can be… She really should get it hemmed. Isn’t she worried about tripping over it?

I’ve never gotten a dress steamed for a wedding though…. Maybe if the bride was offering to pay I would… but I probably wouldn’t want to pay for that.

I do think wearing boots is very odd though….

Post # 5
2588 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

Why does it matter what she wears under her dress? It’s not like anyone’s going to see her shoes. Getting a bridesmaid dress steamed is NOT a requirement…and if she can’t afford to have it hemmed, why not offer to help out?

Post # 6
4122 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If she can’t afford to get it hemmed, is that no-sew tape an option?

Post # 7
1870 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: February 2011

After reading a zillion posts on difficult BMs, I think you have to pick your battles. And honestly, not steaming a dress and not hemming might not be worth it. Maybe she’s trying to gain a little bit of the spotlight by looking different, but in the end, she’s not going to succeed–no matter how wrinkled she is and how long her train is–YOU are going to be the star. No matter what. I know it’s annoying, but for your sake, just let it go.

Post # 8
2006 posts
Buzzing bee

I’m 5’0 and I agree with a PP, she is crazy for not getting her dress hemmed! Most of these dresses are meant for ladies who are in in the 5’7-5’10 range. It’s not even a matter of looks, how the hell is she going to walk in that thing? If she won’t get it hemmed herself you NEED to find another option, either no-sew tape or pay for it yourself.

I agree, though, that you shouldn’t worry about getting the dressed steamed. Have her hang it in the bathroom while she takes a hot shower for a couple of days and the wrinkles will come right out.

And the boots.. pick your battles. I say worry more about the dress not being hemmed.

Post # 9
2640 posts
Sugar bee

I’m short, so I understand the cost to hem a dress.  However, if cost is a factor, I’m thinking she probably should have considered that before.  (Although there could be a financial emergency that came up.)  My guess is that you think cost isn’t the issue.

At 5’1″ I doubt she could even find heels high enough to negate the need to hem.  (Just my experience, and I’m a couple of inches taller.)  I can’t blame you for not wanting her to wear boots.  Absolutely not.  If you didn’t care at all about the shoes, fine.  But if you have a look you’re going for, they need to understand that.  I wouldn’t encourage one specific shoe, everyone needs to get, because all feet are different.  Not everyone will feel in comfy in flats or high heels etc.  But if you leave her with a color and general idea of what you’d like, I’d say that’s lenient enough and she should stick with it.

As for steaming the dress, IDK.  It’ll probably get wrinkled as soon as she gets in the car/limo.  And if it was something you were expecting her to get done professionally, I’d forget it.  I have a steamer at home, so no biggy for me to do stuff like that.  If she does too, then I’d certainly recommend that she step up he enthusiasm and want to look nice for the wedding.  But I think this is a small blip.

Bottom line: I would tell her, ALL the BMs are having their dresses floor length.  (No train thank you.  That is for the bride.) And they are all wearing a certain type of shoe.  No boots.   Say you don’t mind a little individuality, but there is a look you are going for, and she needs to follow it.

Post # 10
1001 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I guess it depends on the boots.  Dressy black boots, sure.  Scuffed, chunky heeled work boots, no.

Tell her to get some Stitch Witchery and hemn the damn thing.  It’s like $5 at JoAnn Fabrics and it will take her 10 minutes.

Post # 11
1816 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I second the Stitch Witchery if she doesn’t want to get it hemmed.  As for the boots, will you see them under the dress?  If so, what do they look like?  Maybe that is her nicest pair of shoes and she can’t afford to buy new ones?  Could you offer to pick her up a cheap pair of heels from Target?

Post # 12
50 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

Regardless of the fact that you probably won’t be able to see the boots and that your Bridesmaid or Best Man will look rather silly with (I’m assuming it’s wrinkled?? since you mentioned having it steamed) a wrinkled dress, I UNDERSTAND how you must feel right now..Her actions basically indicate the she could care less and she would much prefer to do the exact opposite of what you kindly suggest. As others have said, definitely pick your battles, but I didn’t want it to go without being said- that I GET IT!! It’s frustrating and hurtful!! Best of luck with everything 🙂

Post # 14
14492 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2011

I would simply say no.  You chose to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you could have said no.  In agreeing to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man there are certain things I expected.  Dresses being uniformed, appropriate footwear, and being clean, neat, and pressed were some of them.  Should you choose that these things are not acceptable to you, then by that choice, you have chosen not to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man.  Simple as that.  I don’t mean to sound bridezillaish (my girls are wearing whatever they chose, as long as they show up I am fine with it), but it was the first thing my girls asked about was what to wear and what was expected.  I mean come on, most of us have been to enough weddings and are adults and we would know better.

Post # 15
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Umm…she kind of sounds like she’s being a PITA simply for attention – which is not okay at all.  If she’s concerned with wearing the dress afterward because the train “looks cool” then the Stitch Witchery is a brilliant idea.  You could even compromise and tell her that after the ceremony and pictures, she can run to the bathroom, take the Stitich Witchery out (if that’s possible) and trip on her train all night long if she wants to.

Honestly, the wrinkled dress thing would really bug me b/c I simply hate all the pictures where the Bridesmaid or Best Man gowns are super wrinkled; for me, they’re my best girls and I want them lookin’ fierce!  Women don’t run around at events with wrinkled gowns if they can help it, so why is she SO okay with doing it on your wedding day?

I’m so sorry; I’d be soooooooo irritated if I were you!

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