(Closed) My bridesmaids all look like models. I most definitely do not.

posted 9 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

Why not elope? Seriously. What is the point in getting yourself worked up ages before it even happens, and then knowingly going into it?

You can control this. Either don’t have girls you’re jealous of as your bridesmaids, or just elope… then it’ll be the 2 of you. No competition.

Post # 33
Member
3949 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My SIL/MOH is a size 2 after two kids, she’s blond and never wears a bra.  I would hate her but she’s my best friend.  My other two BM’s are thinner and taller than me too.  I was worried about all the same things you were but when my dad saw me get out of the car at the venue, and had tears in his eyes, I lost all focus on all the stupid things I was thinking about.  It got even better when I saw DH’s face as I walked.  I hadn’t even thought about it again until you brought it up.  I’m sure you’ll get lost in the feelings of the day!

Post # 34
Member
539 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I am 5’3″ on a good day. my sister is built like a model. Yeah Fashion Merchandising is for sure the right career for her. However I made up some rules for my 2 ladies (we have 3 BMs one is male) No pearls, No oversized rings, stud earings. Basically keep jewelry simple. If you pick a dress this works or if you pick a color like me then give them a dress type i.e. cocktail dress. Oh and since they are taller I suggest you pick shoes out for them. As for these feelings your wedding party can be about 2 -3 steps down from you in the church (assumption made that you are marrying in a church) so you can instantly look taller.

Post # 36
Member
498 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@musician32992:  That sucks that you feel obligated to include them. I don’t think that’s true in every case that siblings must be included though…

Post # 37
Member
2670 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I have honestly never even noticed how the bridesmaids look other than the dresses and maybe hairstyle. I have never noticed their shoes or jewelry-nothing.

Look at this picture, who do your eyes go to-probably the bride, not Rachel Bison as a bridesmaid.

Post # 38
Member
47 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: June 2013

1st, you aren’t obligated to include them.  If you feel bad asking one and not the others, then don’t ask any of them.  You can be up there just the two of you, there is nothing wrong with that.  Or, if you are close to your mom have her as your Maid/Matron of Honor and have you hubby just ask one guy to be with him.  You could still honor your FSILs and cousin by having them be escorted like the rest of the family and sit in the front row, but nobody has to be up there with you that day besides you, hubby and the officiant.

2nd, her being in “nicer” accessories to you won’t make a bit of difference on your wedding day. You say she will have nicer shoes, jewelry and makeup than you, in what way?  Unless your makeup is a disaster, no one is going to think “oh that BMs makeup is great! Wow!  She looks way better than the bride” no matter what she looks like.  So just don’t hire a bad makeup artist 🙂 Doesn’t mean they have to be expensive!  In the same way, unless she is wearing the heart of the ocean, no one is going to look at her and think how amazing her jewelry is.  Even if she is dripping in diamonds, people are going to think it’s tacky that she attempted to over-shadow the bride rather than thinking she has better taste or looks nicer.  Finally, even if she is in some amazing, kick-ass CL heels, NO ONE is going to be looking at a BM’s shoes while you say your vows!!!!  AND no one knows that you don’t have those same $3000 heels on under your gown!

3rd, people may be more beautiful than the bride, but no one is more interesting than the bride on the wedding day.  Everyone is there for you, not for your FSILs or cousins, so they will be focused on what you look like and how happy you look on your wedding day.  The only way you can ruin that is to be unhappy and uncomfortable, so if these girls make you uncomfortable in any way, you should NOT have them up there with you.

Post # 39
Member
5486 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

The focus is always on the bride, girl.. You don’t have anything to worry about.

Post # 41
Member
722 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

OP,

 

I get what you’re saying, I totally do.  And even if I’m alone in this (who knows?  Maybe I am an unusually mean person), I have seen wedding photos and attended weddings where I *do* notice for a moment if a bridesmaid is thinner or more beautiful than the bride, in the same way that I notice if all the bridesmaids are wearing the same dress and one is wearing it much better than the others.  I just notice those things.  So I feel like I have to be totally honest with you and tell you that there are probably going to be some people like me in the audience.

But so what?  Who cares if you are shorter and less beautiful than your bridesmaids?  It’s still you getting married, and in the long run….it won’t matter that much.

Having said that, I won’t downplay your feelings.  I feel the same way about my bridesmaids sometimes….when I think about it.  But hey, I’m the one getting to marry my Fiance, who I adore,   so in the end, life isn’t just about looks.

I think it will be fine.

Post # 42
Member
2804 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

@musician32992:  Depending on how far into planning you are, you do not have to have a bridal party at all! If you don’t 100% want them up there with you, then don’t have them there!

But, if you still want them around, here are some suggestions for making you feel better (apart from what everyone else has said, which is that you will be the centre of attention and look radiant, which you will!).

1) have the bridal party walk in, but don’t have them stand at the altar with you. Have them sit in the front row (both the guys and the girls) tell them it’s to save their feet. That way during the ceremony all the photos and eyes will be on only you and your Fiance.

2) Have a couple of the “normal” group bridal party shots but then send them on their way to the reception and have extra photos taken with just you and your Fiance. They are the photos you’ll want the most anyway so make extra time for them and less time for bridal party photos. 

3) just have a sweetheart table at the front of the room so that it’s just you and your DH as the centre of attention. The bridal party can sit together at a normal table and then actually be able to sit with their SOs too! Win-Win. 

4) They don’t have to walk in with you to the reception, they could be milling around with the other guests and only you and your DH are announced and walk in. Again, you have all the eyes on you.

Apart from that there is nothing you can really do except fake it till you make it. The happier and more confident you act the prettier you will look. 

I hope that some of that helps.

Post # 43
Member
249 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Put them in ugly dresses.

Just kidding! I understand we ALL have insecurities, but sweety nobody will have their eyes on them! Who will be the first one on the dance floor? Who is the one sitting with the man she loves in her own personal table? Who will be the one wearing the most fabulous dress of the night? YOU!!

The world will revolve around you guys that day! Girl you need to stop that nonsence!

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