- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
FH and I are on a low budget. We were originally planning on a low-key pizza party for a rehearsal dinner to save on money. Then his parents graciously stepped in and asked to host the dinner at a gastropub near our hotel. Awesome! They asked me to find out who wanted to go among my bridesmaids, I asked around and everyone said it sounded great.
Now I’m hearing that it might be too expensive or not a good setting for them to meet my parents and we should make it “just family.”
Well, that hurts, because on top of his parents, ALL of his many siblings (huge family) are in the wedding, sisters doing readings, most of his groomsmen are brothers, whereas I am an only child, and have only my mom, dad, and aunt. So nearly all the people he’d want there are there under this new criteria just so happen to make it in, and the others aren’t as important to him. Whereas I lose precious rare time with people who are extremely important to me.
Some of us only children with tiny families *make* siblings out of friends – and I’m not exaggerating. The four girls who would be getting uninvited may not be blood related, but they are my sisters nonetheless. The most recent addition I’ve known for 10 years, 2 others for 13 years, the other for 20 years, since we were five years old.
FH and I are traveling across oceans to to get married with our family and friends in our home country. I haven’t seen these friends for more than a year and a half, because of moving abroad. We talk all the time online, but since I’m actually taking a rare trip to my home country, I want to see them as much as I can, which is already not super a lot since we’re all busy and they can only take but so many days off work. (I’m already inconveniencing everyne by getting married on a friday.)
If we were local, this would not be a big deal, but I just don’t want to both inconvenience them and ditch them on this incredibly rare occasion that I get to see them at all.
I just don’t find it fair to demand they take an extra day off work, stand in the hot august sun (the rehearsal is in mid afternoon, unlike our evening ceremony), and then tell them to go do something else for the rest of the night. I’d rather have a pizza party I pay for myself than let these girls who amount to sisters to me be uninvited.
I’ve asked how much they’re planning to spend per person on the dinner and offered to pay for my friends, because if it’s about money, I am more than willing to shell out for this.
FH and I even had a fight about this, he’s on my side about stuff like this 99% of the time, but he feels like I’m being unreasonable demanding that my friends come since his family is paying. I feel like he’s thinking I’m getting bridezilla about this.
Thing is, he has a ton of siblings but not a ton of really close friends (for the most part his siblings ARE his really close friends) and I don’t think he understands what it’s like in my position – he’s never had people who feel like family and only aren’t on a technicality, I think he’s imagining HIS relationships to his non-family friends and feeling like it’s no big deal, and having a hard time putting himself in my shoes.
I’m just venting… I don’t have anything against his family and I think it’s super sweet of them to offer to host this at all! But I really hope that one way or another we can arrange for my girls to be there (even if I have to pony up for it.) Because I feel like asking me to ditch them after the rehearsal is putting me in such an impossible position.