(Closed) my bridesmaids are breaking my heart :/

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
8430 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Ok I think you need to breath.

Whilst I can understand that you are upset you really need to stop projecting onto these girls. What you did for their weddings was your choice and what they do for your wedding is their choice. As individuals everyone has different views on what they can/can’t/should/shouldn’t do when a Bridesmaid or Best Man.

As for number Bridesmaid or Best Man4 you really need to stop enabling her. The longer you let her take advantage of you or abuse your relationship the more she will do it. you need to be firm in all aspects of your relationship with her (not about the wedding).

As for the bachelorette party I think the only thing you can do is graciously accept the party that someone chooses to throw for you. It seems ungrateful not to but from your other post I get the feeling that you are expeted to foot the bill. Personally I would thank Bridesmaid or Best Man3 for trying to organise a party for you but let her know that you have to decline because of expense (whether it be for your own sake or the sake of your other BM’s). You could even suggest a simple cheap alternative (movie and dinner?).

BM’s 3 & 5 have also indicated that they will be acting like the adults that they are and I think that is all you can hope for. I know it can be upsetting when people don’t get along but it is their relationship to work out and interferring could just make things worse and end with you falling out with one or both of them.

I would just focus on the reasons why you chose these girls in the first place and remember that weddings can be stressful for all involved.

Post # 4
964 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Everyone keeps telling me how my wedding day is going to fly by and I need to enjoy everything wedding related  leading up to that day.   You need to let everyone know what you want, you don’t have to go bridezilla or be confrontational, just stand your ground and the people that can’t vibe with it just let them know that you understand if they can no longer be in the wedding.

Your Bridesmaid or Best Man shouldn’t be the one stressing you out.  I too am having my dresses made and my seamstress is in FL and I have a Bridesmaid or Best Man in CA, VA,TX all over and they are just sending their measurements.  This is suppose to be a happy time.  Don’t let these young ladies take that away from you.

Post # 5
4371 posts
Honey bee

Why is 4 your Bridesmaid or Best Man after she accused you of stealing? Or did that happen after?

Post # 6
33 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

and here i thought i had problems with my BMs.  Just like i am thinking now, we shouldn’t have had BM’s, if it was just me and Mr, it would be problem-free!

Stay strong gf! 


Post # 8
1330 posts
Bumble bee

If it were me, I would ditch everyone and elope. Of course, I have BTDT with bridesmaid drama, and being a pleaser, tend to stuff it down and just rant later 🙂


With the BM’s you have, you need to be firm and set boundaries. Here are the dress choices, they don’t like  it, they can leave the wedding party, as they are causing you stress and you want to please everyone but it ain’t gonna happen.


With you weekend in Napa, sounds like an excuse for everyone to spend some cash on themselves to get away-and how is that single mom affording this, if she cant buy a dress for your wedding? Selfish…


I agree with the aboce poster and would say heck no to Napa…unless the girls would like to go in and foot the bill.

also, it is highly selfish of them to suggest something you don’t enjoy…do they even know you at all?



Post # 11
597 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@little_cricket:  Wow. Well, when you have that many women together, especially family, there are bound to be some serious problems!

I just really think you need to confront your maid that accused you of stealing. What a horrible person!  

Best of luck to you! 

Post # 12
33 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

you have a bridesmaid that lied and calledl you a thief……too much drama there.   This is just a bad news drama Queen and she is not going to let you shine on your special day…..No one can fault you for getting rid of that one. FAST

#3 & 5 are not talking to each other and already have broken their promise not to let it effect your wedding…..if they were serious about that, you wouldnt know they had a problem with each other because they would have kept it to themselves……….this sounds more like 2 like 5 year olds not young ladies.

As the Bride, you should not be paying for the bachelorette party, if it is expected that you kick in for an expensive spa weekend, you have perfect right to beg out for reasons of staying on budget for your wedding.  This is a commitment you made to your future husband, and maybe even your respective parents or other relatives.  Also it is not polite for a member of the wedding party to make plans that exclue other members of your bridal party…..if the bride has choosen the group, then group should be working together to support the bride……making plans that excludes members of the wedding party will only result in hurt feelings and even more drama……which sounds like you dont need any more of.

this is a no brainer, if 1 & 2 are helpful and not giving you any trouble then time to do what you know needs doing.  Not certain where #6 stands in this mess but remember you have one day that you are asking for everyone to respect.  By their accepting your invitation to be a bridesmaid they have made a commitment to support you.  Sounds like there is not much support going on here. At the very least 3,4, & 5 need to go.  They have forgotten that their role is to make things easier for you……you have enough on your plate just planning a wedding you dont need their nonsense added on. 

As you get closer to your big day you will need the support of those around you.  Better to rid yourself now of those that cant seem to let you shine for one single day rather than give them the opportunity to ruin something that cant be repeated.

Good Luck

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