Post # 1
My bridesmaid B told me that she has been trying to talk to my bridesmaid N about planning my Bachelorette parties but N is being unresponsive to her. So I check in with N and she thinks that B is trying to take over and make this “her” bachelorette party instead of a party that I (the bride) would want.
For example, B wanted to invite her friends (that I don’t even know) to my party so they can help pay for some of the costs. Then, she wanted to do a party with male strippers (which I don’t want) and then hit up a Latin club to dance at…. I prefer other types of clubs.
I am starting to regret asking B to be my Bridesmaid or Best Man… She was originally my Maid/Matron of Honor but it wasn’t working so we mutually decided she should be a Bridesmaid or Best Man. Now she hasn’t even gotten her dress yet while my other two bridesmaids have picked theirs up and started the alterations. The other two BMs don’t care for her that much and I have gotten the feeling she has been trying to make this about her versus me and my wants. Oh well, can’t so anything about that so I just have to try to deal until this wedding is over.
Any advice what to do? N is willing to grit her teeth and work with B but I honestly feel like if I am not there, a fight could break out (knowing how N is). I am ready to tell them all that I will plan the party to avoid them arguing about it or worse.
Post # 3
- Wedding: September 2013 - B&B
Maybe, if it’s possible, try to get a family member to help out as well? Someone who could sort of “lay down the law” with B, without it having to be N who has to try and do it. Maybe B would be more willing to listen to a family member, especially if it seems like she doesn’t respect N’s opinions enough? That way, the relationship between N and B, which already seems fragile, wouldn’t necessarily be damaged further, and they could keep the peace.
Post # 4
I wish that were possible because that is a great idea.
Post # 5
You could handle this several ways and all of them involve you communicating with N & B. It sounds like N is interested in making this night special to you, whereas B is all about the party. Not saying that these two ideas can’t be meshed but it will take a great deal of tact and cooperation. To start, you have a group of good girls, both seem eager and excited. That’s a HUGE plus (you’re on these boards enough to know this).
Personally I would create a Bachelorette party checkist. You can relay this in writing or in person (or both). Have both N&B present together if you decide to present this checklist in person. You can likely even tell N about it prior to meeting so she can ask about how you “envision” your night, thus allowing you to say…well as a matter of fact…funny you should mention…
Things that would make my night amazing: Lots of drinks, a tanktop identifying me as the bride, dancing the night away at _____ nightclub, a penis shaped shotglass…etc
Things that would make my night uncool: Male strippers, photo’s at the end of the night being posted on FB, a huge gaggle of girls of whom 95% I’ve never met, Justin Bieber Kareoke…etc
The worst you can get is “You don’t get a say in this”. To which you just have to answer that you are “aware of this but that you think it’s important to provide them with an outline, be it basic, of what would totally rock your special night and what the hard boundries are (ie no strippers).
All the best
Post # 6
ooh..and before I forget….tact and humour goes a long way here. Honestly, these two things will make the difference between a friendly chat and them seeing you as being in full-out bridezilla freak-out mode.