Post # 1
Very long story short, I have 5 bridesmaids, 2 live out of state. I understand the two out-of-state girls can’t do much, but they have offered help. My problem is the other 3! They haven’t done a single thing (I’ve been engaged & planning for over a year now) and anytime I ask they have an excuse. For example, I asked them if they’d like to come to the cake tasting and help me decide on a cake and they all had an excuse. “I won’t be able to get out of work”, “can’t find anyone to watch my son”, etc. I gave them a month notice.
This has been going on for MONTHS. I accepted the fact that no one was going to help me but the REAL problem came when it was time to order dresses. I picked a color from David’s Bridal I loved and asked them to pick any dress, in any style, at any price that they liked and order in that color. They had six months to go and try it on and order it. The deadline to order was March 1st. I sent them friendly reminder texts, 1 month before, 2 weeks before, 1 week before…finally THE NIGHT BEFORE AND NO ONE HAD ORDERED. They told me “the color doesn’t look good on me”, “I want to wear *this* color”, “I can’t find one that fits my body type”, “they’re all too hoochie”, “they’re too expensive”, “my husband says I’m never going to wear it again and it’s stupid to spend $100 on in”, “I’m just going to rent one from this place I found online” and MORE. These are all REAL responses I got from them! So now, only one person has a dress and it’s too late to order! They all said they’ll “find something they like somewhere else”. I’ve NEVER heard of this happening. WHAT DO I DO??? It’s very upsetting because we all used to be such close friends and I’ve been in there weddings and I’m completely and totally shocked that they are doing this to me.
Post # 2
That’s very poor bridesmaid etiquette. They don’t choose the dress, you do. I would quickly find a dress that you like, and tell them to order it. You can always remind them that they don’t have to be a bridesmaid if they don’t want to. It’s your day, and your vision. Ask them how they would feel of they were the bride.
On another note, they should be ashamed for treating you in this manner. You’re not asking too much, and you gave them free range. They seem to be forgetting that they’re a part of your wedding. I’m so lucky that my bridesmaids were amazing.
Post # 3
Fire them all! They don’t deserve the honour of running errands with you and helping plan your wedding!
Post # 4
Where’s your Fiance in helping you pick a cake flavor? If my fiancé found out I was going cake tasting with a friend instead of him he would be really upset. You and your Fiance (and potentially anyone contributing money) should be helping you plan your wedding. Not your bridesmaids. I wouldn’t take off work to go cake tasting with a friend for her wedding. Unfortunately work is a priority over that. I would also never expect it of my bridesmaids. Maybe when it came to the dresses they were already turned off by your prior requests. It’s disappointing that they haven’t ordered their dresses, but if they don’t have the dress by the time of your wedding they’ve taken themselves out of the bridal party.
Post # 5
To start with, a lot of people are about to tell you that they aren’t responsible for helping you. Really, you’re going to get so much hate. Like you might want to edit it out. But as far as the dresses, I would be FURIOUS! I don’t really know what to tell you to do, but I’m sorry it happened. That is ridiculous!
Post # 6
I must admit I’m very curious about the dress color and choices they had for Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses. (not that it makes their behavior OK even if the color was neon purple 🙂
Post # 7
My suggestion is not to have bridesmaids. It makes things so much easier and they are just one more moving part in a wedding. Save yourself money, save them money and don’t have a wedding party.
Post # 8
They’re not supposed to help you plan, that’s all on you however the dress thing is really crappy on their part. You said it yourself, you guys USED to be such close friends. I’d ask them to step down. To be honest I probably would have done that a couple of weeks before the cut off when they were ignoring my reminders.
Post # 9
julybride93: Did you ask your bridesmaids their individual budgets before demanding they buy a dress from a certain store? I am thinking not since two of your bridesmaids have said that store is too expensive for them.
At this stage give them a colour and ask them to choose any dress from any store to fit their budget. If they do not buy a dress by the day of the wedding then they are no longer a bridesmaid.
As for the other stuff, you are being ridiculous. The only people obligated to help you with that stuff is your Fiance or a paid employee like a wedding planner.
Post # 10
- Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle
I agree with PPs, they’re not obliged to help you plan. But the dress thing is not cool.
Post # 11
Personally I think that the whole thing is ridiculous on both ends. They should just shut up and buy a dress, it’s your wedding not theirs. And at the other end, you should not expect anything more from them except to buy a dress, show up and smile for photos. It’s not their job to do cake tasting or anything else with you, that’s what your Fiance is for.
Personally if I were you I would either have them all buy a certain general color/style dress off the rack somewhere like mod cloth in a style they choose, or have all three step down.
Post # 12
julybride93: You do realize they do not have to help you at all for planing YOUR wedding. IT should be just you and your Fiance not your slaves err um Bridesmaids.
As for the dress situation sounds like you gave them way to broad of deal just a color. Either you should have picked out a dress or picked a few styles out. While I agree it is poor form for them to order the dress.
Post # 13
julybride93: Ok- asking them to take time off work to eat cake is not acceptable. While I do expect help from my bridesmaids (because they are my closest friends and I helped with theirs), I wouldn’t expect them to take time off for it. That is your problem, not theirs.
That said- they shoud shut up and buy the damn dresses. It doesn’t matter that the color doesn’t look good on them. You are letting them pick any dress from DB in that color- so they should be able to find one in their budget unless they have just a really ridiculous idea of how much a dress would cost.
At this point, I’d make the girl who bought the dress Maid/Matron of Honor and drop the others. Literally the only job they have is to wear the dress and stand up their with you. They can’t do the first half, so they can’t do the second half.
Post # 14
- Wedding: October 2016 - His Way Church & Chesapeake Room @ Downs Park
I would drop them all except for the one who ordered the dress. There is no excuse for this behavior and making you this way. They can’t just do whatever the f*uck they feel like and still expect to be in the wedding.
Post # 15
julybride93: the fact is that it must be very stressful that your BMs still don’t have dresses ordered. I would be upset as well. On the flip side, it really may be expensive and a burden for them, it sounds like a few have families and that really changes things.
I felt awful asking people to pay for garments that I had dictated, so my Fiance and I covered as much as we could or pitched in at least $100 per person, some more (bridesmaid dresses, flower girls & ringbearers, suits, etc). This way if people did spend, it would be more affordable for them and they were happy to do it considering we tried to be as gracious with the costs as possible. In the grand scheme of things, most of us spend at least tens of thousands on the wedding, what’s a few hundred more to keep people happy?
Try to soften your approach, your girls may really have tighter finances and schedules then you give them credit for. And, if you do as much as possible on your own, look on the bright side, you’ll have your way with everything! 🙂