(Closed) My Bridesmaids are useless and making everything MORE complicated! Advice?!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 32
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

julybride93:  I’m sorry. If i was there i would totally go with. I love anything wedding related. I sound like a creep lol 

i say have a firm talk with them and explain how important it is. I get how frustrating it is. I want to be so mad at my Bridesmaid or Best Man as only one came through today to buy her dress and all the others had some excuse.  What irritated me the most was when i gave them the option to order them on their own or go back to the store as the sales lady suggested they all said they would go back. I was getting cancelations 1 1/2 before the appointment and i was having to drive 25 out to get there. Luckily i hadn’t left yet and i called the store and told them forget it. This would have been avoided if they all just said they could order them on their own but they insisted they all drive back. Oh well I’m still excited that one of my Bridesmaid or Best Man bought her dress already. Don’t worry about them. If they don’t wanna buy the dresses you don’t need them up there. You need people up there who wanna support you not people who want to complain. How many groomsmen do you have?

Post # 34
Member
3586 posts
Sugar bee

julybride93:  give it some time and see what they decide. I’d start coming up with a plan B. I know it’s rude to ask people to step down but the Groomsmen may understand or you can just keep them all up there And have one Bridesmaid or Best Man. You did say that one girl bought the dress right? How does your Fiance feel about all of this.

Post # 35
Member
43 posts
Newbee

If you have money to burn on throwing yourself a bridal shower, maybe you can offer to contribute to their dress expenses? While I don’t agree with some of the things they said to you, I’m assuming they are really young. Plus If they are strapped for cash, it might be difficult for them to afford the dress you want, especially if they have children and their priorities are on their own lives. If you don’t want to contribute to pay for their dresses but still want them by your side, I would suggest buying something off the rack. I’ve got one friend who told her girls the color scheme, and told them to go find lace dresses they were comfortable in. They all looked great and each only spent $30-$35 bucks a piece for a dress they actually liked and could wear again.

Post # 36
Member
28 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2015

 

julybride93:  

I’m so sorry!!! This really sucks. I can totally understand how you would love to have your girls by your side for all these wedding related activities. I’m the same way and I cannot get over how mean these girls are. You’ve been in their weddings and have gone above and beyond for them. They are supposed to be your closests friends, you even consider them “family”. I don’t understand how they don’t want to be part of any of this especially knowing you have no family around.

Sadly, I guess we all have seen examples of how weddings bring out the worst in people. Still, this is no excuse for their behavior. If I was you, I would for sure keep the girl who has the dress already. Maybe talk to her and tell her how you’re sad that neither your family nor your Fiance can go to stuff with you and how you wish you wouldn’t have to do it all alone. Maybe she will get the message and suggest to go with you next time.

As for the other girls, I totally understand you don’t want to have a confrontational conversation. But this is something that really bothers and hurts you. So you need to reevaluate your relationship with these girls. Have you been drifting apart with some of them? Have there been previous occasions where they dropped you? If yes, maybe it’s time to let go of a friendship like that. We all change and sometimes end up going in different directions. I would tell them that you’re overwhelmed with having to do the wedding planning all by yourself and that you’re stressed out because they don’t have a dress. If they give you another lame (ridicolous!) response, suggest they attend as a guest.

If you feel that with another girl, things are still fine and you want to continue being close friends, confide in them. Don’t tell them which of their actions made you said, make it more of a “I feel”, “I need”, “I would like” conversation. If she is a true friend, she will understand how miserable all of this makes you feel and hopefully start supporting you.

Good luck and keep your head up. Your wedding day will be the best day ever, it’s about you and your Fiance and your families. And if you only have one Maid/Matron of Honor, that is fine, too.

 

Post # 37
Member
824 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

While they are not required to run errands with you I can understand your disappointment. I did everything with my then fiancé (now DH), except for things I could do myself which I of course discussed with him. Towards the beginning I had asked my MOH/sister to research some things and she never did, she told me “we have time”, so then I realized maybe I shouldn’t have asked her so I just took care of it myself, which was fine. My other Bridesmaid or Best Man was like a super bridesmaid and helped out tremendously but that was mostly towards the end. My SIL Bridesmaid or Best Man did nothing and complained, and was very rude and cold to me anytime I approached her about anything…anyway I figured that she would just wear a dress (then that was even an issue for her lol). I probably should have asked her to step down. In your case, I would say asking them to step down is in order. Ok they are not obligated to come on errands, but if they are this ridiculous about ordering dresses then you may end up resenting them standing next to you on your day. The only other things you could consider is the pre wedding events, if any, and if keeping them would make those possible. If not and if they cannot order dresses without arguing, what would be the point in keeping them?

Post # 38
Member
2158 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014

I’m so sorry. People always say that bridesmaids are not required to do anything apart from stand up there with you, but at the same time people that you choose to be your bridesmaids are usually your best friends and therefore one would expect that they would WANT to be a part of your big day and support you a little. My bridesmaids didn’t do anything super huge but they all had time to go dress shopping, shoe shopping, and they all wanted to come to my wedding dress appointments when they had the time to just support me and help me make a decision. They also threw an amazing bachelorette for me.

From what you’re writing these people don’t sound like very good friends :-/ Maybe they’re jealous. How old are they?

Post # 40
Member
310 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2014

WOW they can’t even spend $40 on a dress?!  That’s awful!  I’d just tell them you understand they don’t want to be a part of your wedding and don’t look back.  Best friends SHOULD be there for you…..at least for ONE THING IN ONE YEAR??????!!!!!!!  

 

As much as it sucks, I’d find new friends and stop wasting your time worrying about them 😀

Post # 41
Member
245 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: Demetries

You have made two posts about them in the past 10 hours why not just ask them to step down and do without a bridal party. If they aren’t helping you or showing any interest in your wedding I would rather go without than have fake people. 

Post # 42
Member
1228 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

Sometimes, you have to realize your friendship just isn’t as important to other people as you thought.  It’s sad, but it leaves the door open for you to make new, and hopefully better friendships.  

You can choose to be happy about this new step you and your Fiance are taking, or you can be continually disappointed and frustrated when others fail to meet your expectations.  The choice is yours and so are the consequences.         

Post # 43
Member
653 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

My best friend (now sister in law) was my Maid/Matron of Honor, and I did not have bridesmaids, and it was perfect. More people = more drama. That often comes from the bridesmaids AND the bride…

Honestly, I rarely look forward to being a bridesmaid, which is another reason I wanted to “spare” my close girlfriends (and myself). I don’t know why we continue to ask a bunch of ladies to be our bridesmaids and then bitch about them throughout the process! Also, I don’t generally dress in life to match the napkins, so I don’t know why that’s such a thing in weddings either. 

I recommend black or navy to anyone with difficulty selecting a bridesmaid dress, as those colors are most easily re-wearable, and people may already have them.

Post # 44
Member
1414 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

julybride93:  Those sound like pretty dress colors to me. This is clearly THEIR problem – selfishness or personal life problems or they can’t afford even a very reasonable dress cost due to being in debt over their heads so they are getting defensive. This is not your problem. And by the way, even though the cake tasting usually is for you and your fiancé, I would personally like it if the bride invited me. Whats there not to like about that?

Post # 45
Member
2091 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

What their doing is jacked up… I was very liberal with the dresses because I didn’t really care. They were paying for it, and they have different body types. It makes no difference now, and didn’t influence the wedding negatively at all… I think that you should consider telling them that you no longer wish to have them as bridesmaids. They are really making this all about them, and they intentionally waited until the last minute to complain. Keep the one girl who has the dress and make her your Maid/Matron of Honor (unless I read that incorrectly). Let the rest of them go. They seem like they really don’t care at all. BUT planning is not up to them. It is nice if they want to help with that, but not a requirement. At this point the stress is not worth it. 

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