(Closed) My Bridesmaids are useless and making everything MORE complicated! Advice?!

posted 5 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 46
Member
393 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013 - Cornucopia St. Charles

I wouldn’t ask a bridesmaid to my cake tasting but I would expect them to buy the color dress I wanted at the place I wanted.  Honostly I would fire them all.

What in the hell are your wedding pics going to look like with a hodge podge of colors and types.  What a mess.  

 

Post # 47
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

julybride93:  some of these PPs that you’re struggling to respond to are typically confrontatonal instead of helpful so I wouldn’t worry so much about defending myself with them. 

Mu think that you sound incredibly reasonable with everything and that your BMs should be fired. you have two out of state, that I’m assuming ordered their dresses? And can you find three more or maybe reassign some of the groomsmen to do other things at the wedding to even out your wedding party? FIs can be busy, heck even we don’t always have the time to plan these events. Which is why we freak out or get wedding planners, of enlist the help of our wedding party! your Fiance has done nothing wrong and it sounds like you haven’t either. I say put your foot down with these women and stop the stress. My friend got married and when she found her Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses she literally text everyone and said, “here is your dress. But it Today. If you cant then tell me and I will and you can pay me back.” And guess what? We all went and got the dress. Because when we agreed to be in that wedding we knew our responsibilities. 

Post # 48
Member
150 posts
Blushing bee

It’s pretty simple to me. You told them where the dresses should be purchased from, gave them the color and deadline to order. I would send a message to all of them and simply state, as a reminder, that the dresses are to be purchased from X and if not purchased by the deadline, they will need to follow up with the store to ensure delivery by the wedding, along with enough time for the fitting.

If they don’t buy the dress, they aren’t in the wedding. Let them figure out how to make it happen – if they want to be in your wedding and are truly your friends, they will figure out a way.

Post # 49
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

Please do not kick your friends out of your wedding. If they don’t get the dress than they will take themselves out. It’s often a friendship ending move to kick out a bridesmaid. I saw it happen to my best friend, and a couple of others I know as well. It is definitely unfortunate that they have not purchased the dress yet, but it is now their responsibility. I’m also not sure if you’ve had much experience with Davids Bridal, but it only took a couple of weeks for my dress to come in for a wedding I was in. 

Post # 50
Member
1261 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

julybride93:  They don’t really owe you help with any of the planning stuff.

However, the dress thing was ridiculous. If they weren’t ok with the dresses the time to discuss that was when you first told then your idea. It doesn’t sound like they really want to be bridesmaids.

Post # 51
Member
471 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Drury Lane Oakbrook

Most of the time when I see these kinds of posts, I roll my eyes because another bride is upset that everyone’s lives don’t revolve around her.  This, however, is completely different and you have every right to be upset.

You seriously changed the color of your Bridesmaid or Best Man dresses 3 times because they didn’t like it, gave them 6 months to order dresses, and gave them pretty much free reign to choose any plum bridesmaid’s dress they wanted (P.S.  My bridesmaids dresses are plum from DB as well.  Even though all my BMs are wearing the same dress I definitely found more than a couple I liked.  None of them were “too hoochie” either)  You’ve been way more accomodating than necessary. 

I agree with PP- kick them all out but keep the one who ordered the dress.

Post # 52
Member
149 posts
Blushing bee

I just wanted to add that I think you are totally justified in feeling disappointed. I’m not sure why you got so much flak initially for asking your bridesmaids to do some wedding errands with you, especially cake tasting – I mean, free cake! That is definetly a fun errand and you gave them a lot of notice. And no, they don’t “owe” you this, but I think if I expressed feeling alone in the wedding planning and my bridesmaids blew me off repeatedly, I would be bummed as well. 

At this point, it seems like it is more than just the dress issue. I know you don’t like confrontation, but it seems like it might be worth it to either talk to them about how all this has made you feel in the hopes that they will change, or give them an easy out  (e.g., It seems like you are really busy with x, y, and z now. I really value our friendship and wouldn’t want to damage it by asking you to do a, b, c when you are not able to. Would you rather be a guest at the wedding?)

Post # 53
Member
123 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

julybride93:  

I am not sure what it’s like in “traditional” American culture, But for us bridesmaids was a tradition we adopted (we are middle eastern) not to help the bride more to look nice next to her in pics. 

i think its important to be clear what your expectations were when you asked them to be your bM. Thats why I picked my sisters and one cousin, not my other cousins or even best FrIend as I know they can’t hElp me like my sisters can.

maybe its time to sit and have a talk with them?  If that fails Say you have changed your mind and don’t want a bridal party. That is what I would do. 

Post # 54
Member
115 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Again, I hate to be a stickler, but can you please explain this post versus the other post you made 12 hours ago?

“I had a horrible experience with my Maid/Matron of Honor and BMs. They ignored my calls/texts about the wedding, didn’t order dresses on time, didn’t want to plan a shower, basically complained about everything and offered no support. Even told me I was crazy for asking them to take TWO days off work for the rehearsal and wedding, which they knew about a year and a half ahead of time. My Maid/Matron of Honor even booked her hotel for the wrong day, she had a save-the-date AND invitation with the date on it. We’d been friends since elementary school. I was dumbfounded how my friends could treat me this way.

However, a few weeks before my wedding I reached out to an old friend, she actually used to be my boss a few years ago, and always had great advice for me. I was so frustrated and stressed from dealing with the drama my BMs and Maid/Matron of Honor were giving me, I needed to reach out to someone for advice. She and I got talking and she was so supportive and asked me to come over for wine and chocolate and offered to listen while I let out all my frustrations. She asked what I needed help with, grabbed a notebook, made a list and said she was going to do everything she could to right their wrongs. She told me I deserved friends who would stand by me through this time in my life. I ended up asking her to be in my wedding just a few months before! She was the only one who offered me any help, support, and just was a great friend to me. I don’t think I would have made it to my wedding day without her, she truly saved me and now we are closer than ever. As for the others, we rarely talk and don’t see eachother anymore. I’m happy it worked out that way. I found out the hard way who my real friends were.”

Read more: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/terrible-bridesmaidsmohs-what-about-the-good/#ixzz3Uwtk7O00

Are we talking about the same group of girls here? Are you already married? Im just so confused! Thanks.

Post # 56
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: April 2014 - National Press Club, DC

The most important job of a bridesmaid is to support the bride in the wedding process- they are doing the opposite of that when it comes to the dresses. Have any of the five been bridesmaids before? Did they understand the financial commitment when you asked them to be your bridesmaids? 

Honestly, these people do not sound like they are really your friends. For them to refuse to buy a bridesmaid dress that you picked out is unacceptable. If it were me, I would tell each of them that if they don’t buy the dress, they will not be part of the wedding party. And if they still don’t comply, well, you really don’t need that kind of drama and negativity in your life. It sounds like you just don’t have time for that kind of nonsense with all the jobs/classes anyway. 

Post # 57
Member
1289 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

julybride93:  my jaw dropped that you were upset that no one could drop what they were doing to go cake tasting. Seriously how selfish to put their kid and jobs ahead of your wedding cake…. 

Post # 58
Member
1471 posts
Bumble bee

What?  Is this whole post a fake?  (based on Soon2BeMrsJennP’s post) 

Response needed.

Post # 59
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

cake tasting-no…get your Fiance to do that with you.  As for the bridesmaid dresses, order the same dress for everybody as the one that has already been ordered and put a rush order on it.  Tell your other bridesmaids that the dress is ordered & the price. problem solved.  If you give your bridesmaids too many options it sometimes gets too confusing.

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