My Bridesmaids expect me to pay for them

posted 2 months ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 2
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

septemberwedding2019 :  Did you ask them how much they would be comfortable spending on dresses and shoes before you picked them?

$380 is a lot of money, plus a bachelorette. 


Post # 3
241 posts
Helper bee

Did you direct them to throw you a bachelorette/tell them what to do for your bachelorette? Did you ask their budgets on dresses/shoes before selecting them?

Post # 4
173 posts
Blushing bee

It’s your wedding and bachelorette, not theirs. My bridesmaids wore whatever they wanted (literally- they picked the colour, style, shoes and everything, some didn’t buy anything new and they were all mismatched in similar colours). If I wanted them to wear something in particular, I would have bought it, no question. 

I paid for their hair, makeup, robe, flowers, accomodation (them and their families x 2 nights), food/drinks, and bought their jewellery. My wedding, my cost. I’m in Australia too and it cost around $800 for each of my 4 bridesmaids, but I budgeted that in and it was worth every cent to know I wasn’t imposing on my girls. 

Post # 5
114 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969 - Montsalvat, Victoria

Hi, I’m an Aussie bee too so can safely say that $380 doesn’t sound like a lot (to me anyway) for a bridesmaid dress AND shoes. My girls spent $500+ each on their dresses alone and the guys all spent close to $1K each on a suit. I think that what they’re spending isn’t unreasonable BUT if they think it is you have to take that into consideration. If the additional $100 each isn’t in your budget for the bachelorette party then maybe discuss with them about doing something more low key or less cost intensive? PP is right in a sense – it isn’t their wedding/bachelorette so if you want it, you need to kind of wear that cost. Aside from the girls dresses I too am paying for everything else: hair, MUA, shoes, accessories, bridesmaid gift boxes filled with gift vouchers and various other bits and pieces etc. I think at the end of the day you can’t be too annoyed w them for expressing that they’re finding it costly and asking you to chip in for something coz they’re not over their personal budgets. I’d work out where everyone is at at this point in time and then plan from here. 

Post # 6
5356 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

I hate when brides use the excuse of them having other wedding costs as an excuse to make unreasonable demands of their bridesmaids. You chose to have a wedding, you decided on the budget and that should have nothing to do with the bridesmaids. They clearly weren’t comfortable paying $380 on a dress and frankly even with you chipping in $280 is still a lot for a dress you don’t particularly want and will never wear again.

If you don’t want to pay anything towards the bachelorette then don’t have one, it isn’t fair for your friends to cover costs related to your wedding when they have been clear about not being able to afford it. 

Post # 7
848 posts
Busy bee

I mean you could just cancel the whole wedding, have no expenses, and get married at the court house. You are planning your wedding, you set a budget you and your Fiance are comfortable paying- leave them out of it, it’s not their business. It sounds like the dress and shoes were too much $$ for them. Also I get getting excited and anxious, but you need to fill your time with something else rather than planning your bach party. What I’d do now? Take a step back. If you get a bach party, ok. If not, it’s water under the bridge.

Post # 8
4520 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

septemberwedding2019 :   if 380 isn’t a lot of money to you then you should pay for it. You can’t in the same sentence say 380 bucks isn’t a  lot of money but then say you can’t afford to cover the cost either.

Check yourself and offer to find another dress that is more affordable for them or allow them to pick their own or wear something they already have.

I live in Australia too and rent, mortgages, rates, electricity, water, car rego, petrol, insurance is f*cking expensive especially if you are still young and are single and don’t have two salaries coming in. Four hundred plus dollars is a lot to save and pay towards someone else’s wedding. A lot of Australians are living pay check to pay check these days. I’m sure you don’t live in a bubble and realise that this is a reality for a lot of people. 

As for your hens. Do a cheap option for everyone involved. Meet at a pub/bar. Put on a bride sash, drink through some penis straws and everyone buys their own drinks and shouts the bride one. That was a normal hens 10 years ago.I assure you they were still very fun. These days it’s a multi event party including at least 5 events including several of the following like life drawing, air bnbs, high teas, wine tasting, a boat ride, fancy dinners etc. The issue usually is that your friendship group usually all get married within a few years of each other  and it’s not just 500 as a once off. It ends up being 4 x 500 a year. A lot of people are on 52k before tax. 2k a year on other peoples weddings is a lot of money.

Seriously you need to check yourself and stop making demands of others when you can’t afford to stoush out that money either. 

Post # 9
1011 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

cmsgirl :  Amen girl. Whatever happened to good old fashioned tacky light up sashes and the over-consumption of salaciously-named fruity cocktails through penis straws? I think I missed the memo where that stopped being a thing.

Post # 10
1303 posts
Bumble bee

You’re saying $380 isn’t a lot, but you’re complaining about paying $200, so is $380 a lot of money or not? You said they don’t understand that you can’t afford to pay towards their dresses and your hen because you have a wedding to pay for, but that was your choice. Maybe they have things they need to pay for as well? 

$380 might not seem like a lot to you, but to a lot of people it is, especially for something that they will use once for someone else’s special day. You should have checked what their budget was before picking the dresses or let them choose their own, it’s not fair to pressure people into spending money on something for your wedding when they’re telling you they can’t afford it. This is for you not them, so either you pay or let them choose cheaper dresses. 

Post # 11
1861 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

$380 is a lot! Im in New Zealand and my bridesmaids spent $300 on their dresses. Only reason is theyre my sisters & they made me buy a dress to be their bridesmaid.  A lot of my friends buy their bridesmaid dresses for them? That’s still very common here & from what i hear Australia too. If they’re paying, then they have a say.

Also my hens consisted of a tea party in my mother in laws garden. They didn’t pay for it.

Are you paying for their hair and makeup?

Post # 12
2754 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

I’m in the UK and here the bride pays for the bridesmaid’s dress (unless she gives them totally free choice) 

Post # 13
948 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2019 - City, State

Just because someone has a fulltime job and no kids does not mean they are swimming in money! They may buy a dress and shoes for different functions they go to but I bet it doesn’t cost them $380.00!! That’s a lot of money for a dress they are going to wear once. And how fricking much were the shoes??? Holy shit. What should you do? Give them $100.00 towards their dresses and tell them to pick out a pair of $20.00 shoes off of Amazon and you will pay for them two. And if it’s your idea for a bachlarette party and they can’t afford it, than pay for that too. 

Post # 14
5429 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2017

$380 pays for a week and a half of daycare for me lol

Post # 15
7412 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

You chose to get married. They didn’t. Why should they have to come out of pocket like that? Your wedding. You pay.

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